(This is back during the PlayStation 2 era. I don’t even work at this place; I am just looking at the games with my dad but I figure I’ll help this lady out.)

Customer: “Hi, my son wants a Star Wars game. How much will that be?”

Me: “Well, there are lots of Star Wars games, because some are older than others. The older ones are more likely to be cheaper… sometimes the console changes the price as well.”

Customer: “Console?”

Me: “The thing you play it on.”

Customer: “Oh he’s got a Gamestation.”

Me: “Do you mean a Playstation or a Gamecube?”

Customer: “I don’t know, it’s black.”

Me: “Is it cube-shaped?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Right so, it’s a PlayStation 2. Did your son say which type of Star Wars game he wanted, or even the name?”

Customer: “No, he just said Star Wars. A shooting one, I think.”

Me: “Most of them are shooting games…”

Customer: “Well, this is the one with the laser guns in it and the laser swords.”

Me: *cringing* “Laser guns and laser swords are what Star Wars is famous for.”

(My dad, who is behind me, starts laughing.)

Customer: “I’m not some Star Wars computer genius, you know! This is only the 21st century. I don’t even know why you work here if you don’t know what I should buy!”

Me: “I don’t actually work here.”

Customer: “Well, why are you wearing the employee t-shirt?!”

(She points towards my Children of Bodom t-shirt.)

Me: “Good point. Go and speak to my boss if you are unhappy about me working here.”

Customer: “I will, and you might get fired, so watch out!”

Customer: “I lost my CD key and I need a new one.”

Me: “I’m sorry about that, sir. In order for me to provide you with a replacement key, I need you to email me a picture of the CD as proof of ownership.”

Customer: “What? But I only need a CD key. I paid for it last week!”

Me: “I’m very sorry, sir, but due to piracy issues, I have to get proof that you own an original copy of the CD or anyone could call and claim they bought the game, yet have an illegal copy.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! I paid forty f***ing dollars for this game and I need a CD key for it?”

Me: “I can provide you with a key if you will simply email me a picture of your CD.”

Customer: “No! This is America! If I say I paid for it, you should trust me! I’m going to report your company to the Attorney General! You ripped me off and won’t provide me with the product I paid for!”

Me: “Sir–”

Customer: “Oh, wait… the CD key is here on the plastic case.” *hangs up*

Customer: “Do your smoothies have egg whites in them?”

Me: “Yes, the thickening powder contains dry egg whites.”

Customer: “Can you make it without the powder then?”

Me: “Not really, because then your drink would just be orange juice and ice.”

Customer: “Oh, can I have the powder on the side, then?”

Customer: “I think it’s very rude for you to talk on your cellphone while you’re at work.”

Me: “No, ma’am, this isn’t a cellphone; it’s a headset. We use them to communicate with the other employees.”

Customer: “That’s VERY rude.”

(The power went out on campus. We have generator power in some parts of the school, particularly where I am. Then, an admin assistant calls…)

Me: “Help Desk, this is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Admin Assistant: “How can I shut my computer off?”

Me: “Okay. The beeping you hear in your room is a UPS. It’s going to keep your computer powered on for only about 19 minutes at best, so it’s good you called. Go into your Start menu and shut your computer down through the shutdown option.

Admin Assistant: “Okay, where?”

Me: *explains how to shut down a computer*

Admin Assistant: “I don’t see where you’re talking about.”

Me: “Okay, do you see your computer screen?”

Admin Assistant: “No, it’s dark in here. It’s dark everywhere. The power went out.”

Me: “Yes, I know. It’s out all over campus. ”

Admin Assistant: “Yeah, so I can’t see anything in here. My computer is off.”

Me: “Okay… your computer is off? Then why did you call? What do you need?”

Admin Assistant: “I don’t know. I just wanted to know how to shut my computer down.”

(I’m not kidding. This really happened. I’ve read similar stories on other web sites. But this is actually what happened to me when I was working a university help desk. Computer Science department, no less.)