(Dad and I are out shopping when I notice something in the home decor area.)
Me: “Look at this holiday ornament, Dad. It says, ‘Teacher’s make the world brighter.’”
Dad: “That’s a nice gift.”
Me: “No, no, Dad. Look at the word, ‘teacher’s.’”
Dad: “Oh, yeah.”
Me: “What a mistake, right?”
Dad: “Yeah, there’s an A in there. There shouldn’t be.”
(I work at a toy store. We are currently offering a free gift with any purchase of $50 or more. The gift is a little figure from a cartoon series. It is red with a hood, and is one of the villains of the series.)
Me: “And with your purchase today, you get this item absolutely free!”
Customer: “Do you have another one?”
Me: “I’m sorry, I can only give you one.”
Customer: “No, do you have a different figure?”
Me: “I’m sorry, she’s the only one we’re giving as a gift with purchase.”
Customer: “We don’t want it. It looks too much like the devil. You see, we’re Christians.”
Me: “Okay…”
(After much deliberation between the customer and his wife, they ended up taking the gift anyway.)
(I am working the self-service registers in a local grocery store. There are many people who come to the registers not knowing how to use them. One day, a little old Italian couple comes up to a free register. The husband takes his groceries and starts scanning them, making little joyous noises every time it beeps. The wife stands behind him with her arms crossed. Then the husband pulls out a head of cabbage, places it on the scanner, and stares at it.)
Husband: *throws hands in the air* “It doesn’t work!”
Wife: *stream of fluent Italian that sounds angry*
Husband: *picks cabbage up and places it back down* “It doesn’t work!”
(I see this is going nowhere so I step up to them.)
Me: “Hello, with produce you have to press the produce button on the screen here…” *points out button and presses it* “…and find your product from the list. So, this is cabbage, and it’s under C.”
(I press the buttons for them and place it in the bag. They both nod and smile happily at me. I step away to let them finish, but see the husband pull out some onions, place them on the scanner, and stare at them.)
Husband: “It doesn’t work!”
Wife: *stream of angry Italian complete with hand actions*
Me: *almost dies from laughter, then helps them finish the rest of their produce*
(I am the supervisor of an employment resource office, in a small non-profit agency which helps largely indigent and homeless people. This particular client is not the worst I’ve had, but he’s definitely one of the weirdest. He comes in occasionally to utilize the computers and fax machine, have us mail things for him, and apply for jobs, and he almost always says something bizarre.)
Me: “Hi, [Client]. How are you doing today?”
Client: *signing in* “Are you German?”
Me: “Uh, yes, why?”
Client: “I just think it’s funny. [My Name] is a very German name.”
(I get this comment a lot.)
Me: “Oh, it’s actually traditionally an English name! And mine is short for Fitzwilliam, which is Mr. Darcy’s first name in Pride and Prejudice. I am German, though.”
Client: “It’s a very German name.”
Me: “It’s not, though; it’s English. I mean, I guess I can see how—”
Client: *irritated* “No, it’s a German name!“
Me: *giving up* “If you say so.”
(After a few minutes of silence.)
Client: *seriously* “Your people were treated very poorly by the Treaty of Versailles.”
Me: “Uh… I wasn’t there, but I guess that’s true.”
(He resumes his job search in silence for the next twenty minutes or so. As he is getting ready to leave, I look up to find him staring at me intensely.)
Client: “Have you been through your gothic stage yet?”
Me: “My what?”
Client: “Your goth stage.”
Me: *caught completely off guard* “I guess… I was kind of a goth in high school, maybe? Why?”
Client: *laughing* “Of course you were. I knew it; I can just tell that about you. Well, have a good day.” *leaves*
(Thanks for the uncomfortable half-hour! I’m already dreading the next time he comes in.)
(I work in a call center for a cable company. I take sales and technical support calls. When a sales call comes in, our current plan type either comes with a one-year agreement — with a severe discount — or a month-to-month plan that almost no one takes. I am at the end of a sales call with a middle-aged woman who is trying to help her mother set up service.)
Me: “Okay! So, everything’s all set, and we have the date for installation picked out. Before I can finalize everything, I need your mother to agree to the one-year legal statement over the phone, please.”
(The phone is delivered to the elderly mother.)
Me: “Okay, ma’am, your service is almost done being set up. I just need to read this statement verbatim, and at the end I need a clear ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer, okay?”
Elderly Mother: “Okay.”
(I read the statement.)
Me: “Do you agree with this?”
Elderly Mother: “I do.”
Me: “Ma’am, I am very sorry, could you please provide a clear ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer for the recording?”
Elderly Mother: *exasperated* “I agree! Goodness, you make it so complicated!”
Me: “Ma’am… please, just ‘yes’ or ‘no’…”
Elderly Mother: “YES OR NO!”
Me: “…”
