(My family decides to go out to eat for dinner at a popular Mexican restaurant near us. The young waiter brings us our drinks, and then proceeds to take our meal orders. My mom, who is sitting to my left, orders last.)

Waiter: “And what can I get for you, ma’am?”

Mom: “A vegetarian burrito with chicken, please.”

(The waiter stares at her in confused silence; meanwhile, the rest of us are trying to hold in our laughter.)

Dad: “She’ll just have the chicken burrito.”

(The poor waiter looked as confused as ever when he left our table and we all burst out laughing!)

(I work in an adult store that sells tobacco products and adult novelties. A female customer under thirty years of age approaches after browsing through the shop for several minutes.)

Customer: “So, do you guys accept EBT or, like, the food credit stuff?”

Me: *completely and utterly baffled and astounded that someone would even ask this* “No.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. I just got it, and I’m not really sure what it can be used for. Thanks.” *walks out the door*

Me: *waits until the door fully closes, then puts my head in my hands and strongly considers putting my head through the counter* “Wow. Just wow…”

(I’m a cashier, ringing out a customer. She’s buying five cases of soda. She had other items before the sodas, so math would be needed to check how much the sodas were together.)

Customer: “Those sodas were on sale, right? Five for five dollars?”

Me: “Yep! The last one rang up for free.”

Customer: “No, I should be getting them for one dollar each.”

Me: “You are, see? These four are $1.25 each and the last is free. So it still adds up to five for five.”

Customer: “I’m not getting one free. I’m getting them for one dollar each.”

Me: “It’s still five for five. Even though the register shows it weird, it still adds up. Don’t worry.”

(She was still insisting it was one dollar each and that she was not getting one free as she ran her card, then left.)

(I am a client at a very busy hair salon. They never take walk-ins and usually there is a four- to six-week wait for appointments. Since they are amazing at their narrow specialty — and the only ones around in this particular specialty — I am always willing to wait for an appointment. They have just hired a new receptionist, and she knows none of the clients.)

Receptionist: “Hi, welcome to [Salon]. You’re [Other Client], right?”

Me: “No, I’m—”

Receptionist: “Sorry, we don’t take walk-ins. I can schedule you for sometime next month.”

Me: “I don’t need an appointment. I just need—”

Receptionist: “Look. We aren’t like those cheap places where you just walk in, sit down, and wait. We are professional specialists and—”

(The salon owner notices what she’s saying and rushes to the front.)

Owner: “Stop! That’s not how we speak to clients.”

Receptionist: “But she doesn’t have an appointment!”

Owner: “So, we ask why she’s here.” *turns to me* “Sorry, [My Name]. She’s new, and I guess the training isn’t going as well as I thought. What’s up?”

Me: “I was just stopping to buy some shampoo and some travel sizes before my trip.”

(The owner apologizes to the client she has in the chair and personally rings up my purchases. All the while, the receptionist is fuming and muttering under her breath about needing an appointment. A month later I come back for an appointment and there’s no receptionist.)

Me: “What happened to the new receptionist?”

Owner: “I had to let her go. I found out you weren’t the first person she yelled at about appointments. She sent two other people away without letting them buy their products because they didn’t have an appointment. She insisted they needed an appointment to buy shampoo and conditioner.”

(I work at a restaurant and I’ve just gotten done with an 11-to-close shift. It should be noted that, with a shift like this, my filter tends to disappear due to stress and fatigue, especially with no customers around. After finishing the shift, I head to do some shopping at a retail store that is open until midnight. My restaurant’s uniform is a black shirt with the company’s logo, a black pair of slacks, and black slip-resistant shoes. The store’s uniform is basically blue shirts or vests with the company’s logo in the back and the store name tags. A man approaches me with his girlfriend while I am shopping.)

Customer: “Excuse me, do you know where I can find Peter Pan?”

(It should be noted, we are in the family movie section, where I would wager Peter Pan is.)

Customer’s Girlfriend: “Dude, he works at [Restaurant), not [store]. Leave him alone!”

Customer: “Let him speak. He probably has something to say about this.”

(He turns to me expectantly.)

Me: *chuckling lightly* “I just love how all of us food service and retail workers are supposed to know everything about every store ever.”

(The customer begins to blush and avert my gaze, but I’m not done.)

Me: “And I am off the clock, so I am at complete liberty to say that.”

(The customer blushes further, then turns and leaves with his girlfriend. As they are leaving, I hear this:)

Customer’s Girlfriend: “You’re an idiot.”