I’m working in a major retailer just before Mother’s Day. A customer approaches me carrying two watches.

Customer: “Which of these watches would my mother like best?”

Me: “Um… Sir? I’m sorry, but I don’t know your mother, so I wouldn’t have a clue.”

Customer: “Well, make your best guess!”

Me: “Um… sure.” *Points to a watch* “That one.”

With that, the customer smiled and went on his way. I do hope his mother liked the gift I picked out.

This story is part of the Mother’s Day 2023 roundup!

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My husband is washing dishes and I feel compelled to come up behind him and give him a hug. What can I say? Men doing dishes just do it for me.

Me: “I could really just stand here and hug you all day.”

Hubby: “That would be fine with me.”

Me: “You’re very accommodating.”

Hubby: “That’s me. A giant commode.”

The hug was then interrupted by me nearly falling down laughing. Dumb jokes: that is why I married the man.

It is the day before Mother’s Day, and since we have a flower department, we have a ton of deliveries for a lot of different orders going out over the next couple of days. One customer approaches me while I’m outside by our Adirondack chairs.

Customer: “I’d like to get two Adirondack chairs delivered to my house tomorrow morning, please.”

Me: “Well, we can get that out tomorrow, but since we have so many other orders I can’t guarantee it’ll get out in the morning; it’ll just have to go out whenever we get the chance. Is that okay?”

Customer: “Okay.”

He follows me inside and I place the order in the system for him.

Me: “All right, you’re all set. Have a good day!”

He continues to wander around the store for a bit, and I run outside to mark off the chairs he wanted for delivery. As he’s leaving the store, he passes by me again.

Customer: “When your boss is asleep tonight, whisper my name in her ear so she thinks of me and sends my chairs first thing in the morning.”

Me: *Pause* “Have a great day!” *Hurries back inside*

This takes place before the recent disease outbreak hits the US shores but is still making big headlines all over the evening news, which my elderly mother watches religiously. She’s also an avid Facebook user and believes that anything on Facebook is true.

One afternoon, I help my mother open Amazon packages and put her new over-the-counter meds away. At the end, I gather all of the air-filled packing pillows that came in the box

Me: “Oh, boy! I have air pillows to pop!”

Mom: *Suddenly angry and anxious* “DO NOT POP THOSE IN HERE!”

Me: “Why? What’s wrong with popping the air pillows?”

Mom: “Don’t you know?! I saw it on Facebook! Those are manufactured in China! They’re filled with Chinese air! We could get that awful illness!”

I stand there for a moment, my brain trying to make sense of what she said.

Me: “Mom, these air pockets came from Amazon. They’re filled in the Amazon warehouse. I’ve seen them do it! So, these are filled with—” 

I look at the box code.

Me: “—Dallas air, not Chinese.”

She stares at me for a moment.

Mom: “Are you sure?”

Me: “I’m 100% sure, mom. Remember, I worked at the local warehouse a few years ago. They have a little machine that fills them on demand right there in the warehouse.”

Mom: “Oh. Okay. You can pop those, then.”

Of course, now, every time we get packages with the air packing pillows, I show them to my mom and jokingly ask, “Do you want some Chinese air?” She is NOT amused.

My younger sister is always on the phone and gets her own telephone line when she is a teen in order for us to get any calls. Mind you, this is before cellphones are a thing.

We are sitting in her room and she abruptly ends a call from our cousin by hanging up and laughing. The phone immediately rings. We both think it is our cousin calling back so we set up a joke.

Me: *In my best professional voice* “[Sister]’s House of Pain. How can we hurt you?”

Simultaneously, my sister is slapping her leg and screaming for background effect.

Telemarketer: “I… uh…”

I’ve never heard a telemarketer hang up so fast! We, of course, were shocked that it wasn’t our cousin!

The bonus: this was so effective that my sister made her voicemail for this phone completely spoken in German with polka music. So many hangups!