U Gotta Be Kidding

, , , , | Right | October 17, 2018

(I am the customer in this one. I go up to a garden center employee looking for garden staples, but can’t remember what they are called.)

Me: “Excuse me. Could you help me real quick? I am looking for an L-shaped thing—” *makes a U shape with my hand* “—to hold something down in my garden.”

Employee: *looks at me strangely* “You mean like a stake? We have some with a head on them to make them kind of L shaped.” *hands me a flat-headed stake*

Me: “No, that’s not what I am looking for. I know I got them here before. They’re L-shaped…” *makes U shape with hands again* “…and are used to hold things down like soft fences and things.”

Employee: “This is the only L-shaped thing we have for that purpose. What did you need it for again?”

Me: *getting frustrated that I can’t think what they’re called* “It’s an L-shaped piece of metal.” *makes U shape with hands* “That you can push into the ground to hold something down, like a garden lining. I need it to secure a piece of fencing!”

Employee: *gives me a long look, then picks something else out from the shelves* “Is this what you’re looking for?” *holds out garden staples that are a full U-shape*

Me: “YES! That is exactly what I am looking for! I just could not think of staples! Thank you!”

Employee: “Oh, good. You really threw me off with the L-shaped thing.”

Me: “What? These are L-shape… OH!”

Listening Is The Best Solution

, , , | Right | October 12, 2018

Customer: “Which of these two weed-killers is better to use on my lawn?”

Me: “Actually, neither of them. They will kill the grass, also. Try this product, instead.”

Customer: “Why is the little bottle so much more expensive than the big bottle?”

Me: “The smaller product is concentrated; it will make thirty-two gallons of solution. That’s why it costs more.”

Customer: “But why is the bigger bottle cheaper than the smaller one? Is the smaller one better for my lawn?”

Me: “The smaller bottle is concentrated. They are both the same chemical. The big bottle is mostly water.”

Customer: “But which one of these two is better to use on my lawn?”

Me: “Don’t use either of them. You’ll kill the grass. Try this product, instead.”

Customer: “What? But that costs twice as much as the big bottle of weed-killer.”

Me: “It’s the right one to use on your lawn. The others will kill the grass along with the weeds.”

Customer: “I’m going to go with the big bottle. That’s the cheapest one out of all of them. It’s good for my lawn, right?”

Me: “Will that be cash or charge, sir?”

Disabling His Complaint

, , , , | Right | August 13, 2018

(My workplace is accessed by a short and very steep drive. I see a man in a manual wheelchair rolling down our driveway very fast. My coworker and I manage to grab and stop his chair just short of a brick wall.)

Customer #1: “Bloody h***! Thanks, guys. I thought I was going to smash into the wall there!”

Coworker: “What happened?”

Customer #1: “Ah, someone pushed past me too hard, and it set me to rolling down here.”

Me: “Well, I’m just glad that you’re all right.”

Customer #1: “Yeah, thanks to you two!”

(We’re about to ask if he wants us to help him back up the hill, or if he wants to wait here for someone to pick him up or something, when a second man comes over.)

Customer #2: “How dare you?!”

All Three Of Us: “Erm, what?”

Customer #2: “You should be ashamed of yourselves! You can’t manhandle people just because they’re in wheelchairs! My wife is in a wheelchair; would you just grab at her if you saw her? It’s disgusting!” *then, to the first customer* “I saw the whole thing, and will be a witness for you. You should prosecute them for assault!”

Customer #1: “I needed help, man. I would have crashed into the wall. I think I should be thanking them more, not trying to get them in trouble.”

Customer #2: “No! You shouldn’t thank them! These people need to understand that being in a wheelchair doesn’t make you incapable of looking after yourself; they shouldn’t have interfered unless you specifically asked for help.”

Customer #1: *long pause* “Okay. So, anyway…” *turns to us* “Thanks very much, lads. If you could give me a push back up to the road, that would be great.”

Me: “Yes, of course. we’re happy to help.”

Customer #2: “Well, if you won’t do anything, I will. I’m going to speak to the manager and get these people fired. They need to learn they can’t go around grabbing people in wheelchairs.” *walks back into the store*

Customer #1: *to us* “Do you think he’s really going to complain?”

Coworker: “It’s possible. People complain about some really weird things.”

Me: “Oh, well. Our boss is a decent woman; I doubt we’ll have any problems.”

Customer #1: “Well, I’d better go see your boss, too, just in case. I don’t want you getting in trouble.”

(When we got in the store, [Customer #2] was standing in the middle of the cashier area, yelling about how he didn’t want the stores employees grabbing his wife. Of course, we didn’t get in trouble, but [Customer #2] returned his purchases and said he’d never shop with us again.)

Frutti Tutti Glutti

, , , | Right | July 26, 2018

(I work as a salesperson for a well-known garden center. The garden business brings out all sorts of strange people. This is just one of the stories.)

Me: “Hi! Are you finding everything all right, ma’am?”

Customer: “Yes, but I noticed that your fruit trees aren’t certified ‘gluten-free.’ Do you know if the fruit your trees produce are gluten-free?”

(Pause.)

Me: “Yes… The trees you’re looking at aren’t a part of the wheat family… Therefore, they don’t produce gluten.”

Customer: “Right, but it’s the fruit that I’m concerned about.”

Me: “The fruit doesn’t contain any gluten, ma’am.”

Customer: “Okay! Thank you!” *walks off*

Coworker: *to me* “Nah… We specifically make sure we inject gluten into all of our fruits.”

Attitude Fail Results In No Sale

, , , , | | Right | May 25, 2018

(I work at a grocery store, and we have a seasonal garden centre set up during May and June. The only people trained on cash registers are cashiers, so since the area is run by the produce department, they need our help. This is my favourite area to work in, so I work about 23 out of 28 hours a week out there, and am pretty well-versed in prices and packaging. I have just finished ringing up a customer with a large amount of flowers; she is busy putting them back on her flatbed cart while I deal with the next customer, an older man. He has two bags of what appear to be the same thing on his cart, but we do have two products in exactly the same yellow packaging, just with a different name printed on the front.)

Customer: “Just this please.”

Me: “Okay! Are they both soil?”

Customer: *in an indignant tone* “Yes. That’s what it says in big black letters.”

Me: *in a cheerful tone* “Oh, yes, I can see the top bag. I just wanted to make sure the other one is the same, because the peat moss is in the exact same bag.”

Customer: *very rudely* “Yes. It is the same.”

Me: *still cheerful* “Okay, just checking! I don’t want to charge you for the wrong thing by accident!”

(I scan the top bag of soil twice.)

Me: *still friendly* “Okay, sir, your total is [amount].”

Customer: “You know what? Your attitude is atrocious. I’m not buying this at all.”

(He then storms away, leaving his cart behind. This is the type of joke that elderly people tend to think is funny to pull on me, so I wait for him to turn around laughing… He doesn’t. The previous girl is still loading her cart, and she looks at me with a shocked expression, which I return.)

Me: “I honestly didn’t think I had an attitude at all… Did I? I didn’t mean to.”

Girl: “Not in the slightest. I don’t know what his problem was.”

Me: “Some people…”

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