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Irony Is In Full Bloom

, , , , , , , | Right | March 12, 2023

I’m at the garden center registers, and so far, it’s been a good day. Naturally, we are low on stock of our most popular small flowers — just under $2 each. A woman grabs a cart and proceeds to put SIX TWELVE-PACKS on it, and then she meanders over to me.

Customer: *Quite serious* “Where have all your flowers gone?! Have people been taking them?!”

Me: *Resisting the urge to point out her complicity* “They’re very popular, so people do buy them up quickly, yeah.”

She seemed a little miffed at that but thankfully didn’t take it out on me. When she came back to actually cash out, she had a second cart with three more twelve-packs.

Stupidity In Bloom, Part 2

, , , , , , | Right | January 24, 2023

A customer buys some flower bulbs and brings the bulbs back about two weeks later.

Customer: “I want to return these.”

Me: “This is dirt in a freezer bag.”

Customer: “So?”

Me: “Do you have a receipt, or the original packaging, at least?”

Customer: “Nope.”

Me: “Why do you want a refund?”

Customer: “The flowers didn’t grow like it showed in the picture!”

Me: “The packaging stated that they flower in June and July.”

Customer: “So?”

Me: “It’s March.”

Customer: “So?”

Stupidity In Bloom

Selling To Customers Is Only Half The Battle

, , , , | Right | January 23, 2023

There’s a drought going on in my area. More agriculture-savvy people have decided to do emergency condenser work, but as that’s not something usually done, our stocks have depleted fast and are slow to arrive.

In one such situation, we only have enough materials in stock to create a condenser good enough for a five-square-metre roof, which is basically a shed, and we expect to sell out even that soon enough.

A man enters.

Customer: “I want materials to do a condenser treatment on my roof. D’you have any?”

Me: “We do have materials to treat cement roofs and make them good for condensing, but only for about five square metres. If your roof is larger, you’re gonna need to wait two weeks.”

Customer: “My roof’s ten square metres, but I can work with that.”

Me: “Planning to treat only half of your roof?”

Customer: “No, just try to make do and cover as much area as possible, stretch the supplies, y’know. Sounds good?”

For those who don’t know, this will only give you half the result with far more work.

Me: “Oh, no, sir, I cannot recommend that you do that. It’s going to make you spend a lot of time to make your whole roof barely gather water instead of scraping a liter or two normally. You’re better off having five square metres doing their job well than the whole ten badly.”

Customer: “Son, when I say, ‘Sounds good,’ I’m not asking for your opinion. Go get me that kit.”

I obeyed and did give him that kit, figuring he either had more materials at home or at least knew his needs.

A few days later, a review was posted on our website, and it said to avoid us because we “sell only half of what’s necessary”, citing having ten square metres of roof — but not that I had mentioned the impossibility of stretching the materials in a meaningful way — and lamenting that he still couldn’t gather enough water “to take a piss with”.

Sadly, it wasn’t my call to answer THAT review.

Making Honey-Suckers Out Of People

, , , , , , | Working | January 20, 2023

My wife and I are visiting a public garden not too far from where we live. My parents are with us. On the day we visit, there’s a family event happening with a range of activities, one of which includes a tea-tasting in the gift shop, which is next to the restaurant.

We head to the restaurant for lunch, and then afterward, my wife and my mum want to have a look around the gift shop, so they walk in while my dad and I loiter at the entrance to wait for them.

The lady running the tea-tasting asks if they want to taste any of her teas, which they don’t, although my wife is interested to know what teas this woman has. She starts showing them to my wife, explaining the ingredients, and so on.

Woman: “This one’s got [ingredients] in it; that’s good if you want to relax. This other one is good for concentration because it has [other ingredient].”

She sees my wife looking at a brightly-coloured tea box.

Woman: “Ah! Now that’s got honeysuckle in it. That wee one will cure cancer.”

She’s about to talk about another tea when my dad speaks up. He’s a retired doctor and rightly gets angry when he hears people giving questionable medical advice. He walks over to the woman’s kiosk.

Dad: “Excuse me? You can’t say that!”

Woman: “Pardon?”

Dad: “You can’t claim that honeysuckle tea cures cancer! I’m a retired doctor and I can tell you that, without evidence from an extensive clinical trial process, it’s illegal to claim that tea will cure cancer!”

Woman: *Blushing* “Oh! Okay. I’ll just put this away, then…”

She grabbed the box of honeysuckle tea and stowed it away in a drawer underneath her kiosk. My wife and mum turned and walked out of the gift shop, and we all headed off for a walk, with my dad telling us about how dangerous it is for people to make statements like that.

I’m not medically trained but I do have to agree with him. I wonder how many other people she’d said this to. She was probably caught off guard to meet someone who actually knew what they were talking about.

Don’t You Just Love It When People Make Assumptions?

, , , , , , , , , | Right | CREDIT: carebearninjahair | September 4, 2022

I’m a Hispanic woman with an olive complexion, long black hair, and brown eyes. I’m dressed in a silk blouse, jeans, and red-bottomed heels, having just come from a sales meeting. I am shopping for an Earth Day event for my office at a local farmer’s market nursery in downtown Dallas, so I’m wheeling around a cart full of pots, succulents, mulch, and planting soil. It’s kind of an upscale nursery and frequented by tourists and influencers.

A young Caucasian woman walks up to me and asks me, in broken Spanish:

Woman #1: “On-day pah-gar?”

No biggie, at first. I point to the register area where there are two employees working two registers and a line of about two deep each. She thanks me, again in Spanish, and I think the conversation is over and turn my attention back to the agave plants.

Woman #1: “Ah-blar English-o?”

Me: “Yes, English is my first language.”

She looks surprised and I think she’s probably embarrassed, but then, she asks me:

Woman #1: “Oh, can you ring me up?”

Me: *Politely* “No, ma’am. I don’t work here.”

She does look embarrassed and apologizes.

Later, I set my cart down in an area out of the way since the aisles are pretty narrow and there are potted plant displays, statues, and lawn ornaments I don’t want to risk knocking over. I park the cart and walk about ten feet away to inspect some large urns. I select a couple, and as I’m walking back to my cart, a middle-aged blonde woman is unloading my cart.

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, that’s my stuff!”

She looks at me and continues to unload as I approach her.

Woman #2: “I need this cart.”

I pick up my succulents from the floor and put them back in the cart.

Me: “This one is mine. Go ask an employee for help finding one.”

She looks angry but walks off. I just roll my eyes and think that’s the end of that. I would find it all so comical if it wasn’t so sad. Then, the woman comes back with a very confused-looking manager.

Woman #2: *To the manager* “This woman won’t allow me to use this cart!”

Manager: *To me* “Are you done with the cart, ma’am?”

Me: “No, I’m not.”

Manager: *To the woman* “I can find you another—”

Woman #2: “This place needs to prioritize its customers’ needs over its employees!”

The manager accidentally lets out a snort.

Manager: “She doesn’t work here; she’s shopping, same as you.”

She does NOT appreciate being laughed at and makes a scene, threatening to report the manager’s behavior to the owners. He introduces himself, and it turns out he is actually one of the owners. The woman threatens to take her business elsewhere.

Manager: “There’s a [Home Improvement Retailer] about five miles away.”

The look on her face is priceless.

After she leaves, I’m talking to the owner about the succulents and how best to arrange them when, twice, and without apology, people interrupt us asking for help. Each time, the owner tells them:

Manager: “I’m with a customer, but [Employee] can help you.”

And each time, they looked surprised or taken aback.

I’ve lived in this area for over four decades and have worked in this area for over two decades. It’s always this way.