A customer walks up to the returns counter with a small dead tree in a cart.

Customer: “This tree you sold me died.”

Me: “How long ago did you plant it?”

Customer: “Beginning of summer.”

Me: “Did you water it?”

Customer: “No. Did I have to?”

Me: “Trees need water to live.”

Customer: “Well, no one told me that. The trees all around the street don’t get water, and they’re all fine.”

I don’t argue with him, and we get him approved for a replacement tree.

A few months later, the same customer comes back with another dead tree.

Customer: “This one died too.”

Me: “Did you water it this time?”

Customer: “Yes. Every day.”

Me: “Okay… then how did you plant it?”

Customer: *Looks annoyed.* “We put it in the hole in the yard, like you said.”

Something feels off.

Me: “Did you remove the plastic base from the root ball?”

She hesitates.

Me: “Wait, you kept the plastic base around the tree?”

Customer: “Yes, when we planted it. We didn’t want nasty worms and other things in the soil getting to our tree.”

Me: “Well, then, technically, you didn’t plant the tree, you just put it in the ground. It needs to be connected to the rest of the soil to… well, grow and be healthy.”

Customer: “Ugh! No one tells you these things! I see trees everywhere I go, and they’re all thriving! Why do mine keep dying?”

I soooo wanted to say, “maybe because they’re yours?”

I worked at a garden center (part of a larger hardware store) as a manager in my late 30s. At the beginning of summer, most of the staff were high school kids on their first summer job; we had a dirt/mulch loading lane where we would load heavy bags for customers, so a strong back was required. 

A middle-aged man storms past me and other workers and beelines for the youngest-looking and smallest girl we have working today.

Customer: “Identify what disease this plant has and diagnose the cure.”

New Hire: “I… uh… can ask—”

Customer: “No. You work here, in the garden center, so you should know. What is the disease and what is the—”

Me: “—sir, can I help?”

Customer: “No, I’m not asking you, I’m asking her.”

Me: “I can see that, sir. I thought I’d save you from your own stupidity.”

Customer: “My own… what did you say to me?!”

Me: “Well, a non-stupid person would know full well that a fifteen-year-old girl on her first summer job is not going to know the answer to that question. So, I am assuming stupidity. I’m also assuming you’re just a jerk to then try to berate and humiliate her over it.”

Customer: “How dare you! Where is the store manager! The man in charge! You are so fired!”

Me: “I’ll be happy to call them over for you, sir.”

I call the store manager, who is also a woman and has been standing in another department within earshot, helping another customer. She walks over:

Store Manager: “So you’re the pathetic customer who has to belittle a high school girl to make themselves feel like a big, strong man. How can I help?”

The customer looks paralysed by no one kowtowing to his demands.

Customer: “You’re all f****** b****es!”

He kicks a few plants on the way out. We check on the new girl, who is fine (if a little shocked), and we reassure her that we’ll have her back if he or anyone else like him comes back.

I’m working at a Christmas Tree yard/lot for the holidays. I’m training a seasonal employee.

Me: “So we need to water each tree every day, preferably in the morning so that—”

New Hire: “—why?”

Me: “Why what?”

New Hire: “Why do we need to water the trees?”

Me: “To keep them as fresh as possible. Customers buy them right up to Christmas Eve, so—”

New Hire: “—wait, these are real trees?”

Me: “…uh, of course.”

New Hire: “Like… actual trees?”

Me: “Did you think we were only selling fake trees?”

New Hire: “I didn’t know these were real trees. I don’t do nature.”

He walked out of the lot and never came back. He lasted about two hours. I have no idea what happened…

Related:
Customer Versus Mother Nature, Part 3
Customer Versus Mother Nature, Part 2
Customer Versus Mother Nature

I worked in a garden centre for a few years. There was a lady who’d come in once a year to drop hundreds on plants and plant accessories. She always refused the free delivery, so it was down to me to somehow fit all of that stuff into her tiny Fiat 500.

The boot was loaded with compost, and the rest of the car looked like a plant pot on wheels. Took nearly an hour each time.

Me: “Madam, it really would be so much simpler and safer for you to just take advantage of free delivery.”

Customer: “And have my plants wilt in the back of a hot truck? No, thank you!”

Me: “They’re not exactly thriving in your Fiat 500 either, madam.”

She complained to my manager, but the manager defended me, saying I was merely stating “a horticultural fact.”

I work in a hardware store/garden center in Buffalo, New York.

Customer: “I need a lot of decking, and I hope you could give me a deal.”

Me: “How much are you thinking?”

Customer: “I measured it on this app thingy. One sec. It’s in metric, but I hope you can convert. It says… a hundred square kilometers.”

Me: “Do… do you mean a hundred square meters?”

Customer: “No, I said kilometers.”

Me: “Oh, it’s just that a hundred square meters is the size of a large decked area, and a hundred square kilometers is roughly the size of the entire city of Buffalo.

Customer: “Oh… this is why I hate the metric system! It’s just un-American!”