Some Confucian About Who Is In Charge

, , , , , | Right | January 26, 2010

Customer: “Is the President here today?”

Me: “No, the president works in the White House, not the Capitol.”

Customer: “Oh… so, is he here?”

Me: “No, not today. He’s meeting with the President of China, today.”

Customer: “China doesn’t have a president.”

Me: “They don’t?”

Customer: “No, they’ve got that Mao guy.”

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A Very Electric Blender

, , , , , , | Right | January 25, 2010

Customer: “I’d like to sell this.” *hands me a blender*

Me: “Okay, let’s take a look. Does it work?”

Customer: “Yep, it works great.”

(I proceed to test the blender. I plug it in and a huge spark jumps from the plug and the fuse blows. I unplug the blender and pick it up to try it in another plug. I notice a puddle under the blender.)

Me: “Where is this water coming from?”

Customer: “Oh… well, I put it through the dishwasher. Maybe it wasn’t completely dry yet.”

Me: “Putting the blender jar into the dishwasher shouldn’t make that much of a mess.”

Customer: “Yeah, but I put the whole thing in the dishwasher. I wanted the base to be clean, too.”

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Welcome To B.C. Bookstores

, , , , , , , , | Right | January 25, 2010

(I’m ringing up a young couple for a video game. The girlfriend asks about the game and the boyfriend describes it to her.)

Boyfriend: “[In the game] you’re one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.”

Girlfriend: “Which one?”

Boyfriend: “War.”

Girlfriend: “Who are the others?”

Boyfriend: “Famine, Pestilence, and Plague.”

Girlfriend: “Who makes this s*** up?!”

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Craz-E

, , , , | Right | January 22, 2010

Me: *on the drive-thru intercom* “Welcome to [Coffee Company]. What can I get for you today?”

Customer: “I need an ‘E.’”

(The customer immediately pulls away from the intercom.)

Me: “What the heck’s an ‘E’?”

Coworker: “Oh, that’s for [Famous Lawyer]. I don’t remember exactly what it is, but he always expects us to know it. He won’t explain it if you ask. Try a [incredibly complicated drink].”

(The customer refuses to make small talk, and we notice him dump his coffee out his car window as he drives away.)

Coworker: “We must not have got it right. He’ll try the location down the street next.”

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The Lights Are Off, But Sadly Someone’s Home

, , , , | Right | January 22, 2010

Me: “Hi, thank you for calling [Cell Phone Company]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Yeah, my phone is frozen and I can’t seem to get it to do anything.”

Me: “Seems like we need to do a soft reset. Take off the back cover and look for a little hole that says reset next to it.”

Customer: “I don’t see it.”

Me: “Okay, follow the line down to it that’s next to the battery.”

Customer: “I still can’t find it.”

(After many minutes and several failed attempts at trying to find the reset button…)

Customer: “Oh, wait a minute… I think I know why. The lights are off in here.”

Me: “The… lights are off?”

Customer: “Give me a few moments and I’ll walk to the next room.”

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