Dairy, Dairy, Quite Contrary

, , , | Right | May 19, 2020

I work the counter at a vegan bakery. We make everything from scratch to ensure that no animal products are in our products and we offer a variety of smoothies and sandwiches, as well.

This exchange happens while I am making a smoothie for one of our regulars. My coworker — one of the bakers — takes over the register to help the next customer in line.

Customer: “There’s chocolate in these cupcakes.”

Coworker: “Yes, we have many items with chocolate in them. They’re very delicious.”

Customer: “But all chocolate has dairy in it. How can you all have a vegan bakery if there’s dairy in the chocolate?”

Coworker: “Well, we make our chocolate here, and I promise you it is vegan.”

The customer suddenly becomes very upset.

Customer: “My friends are vegan and dairy-free. I can’t bring them stuff that has chocolate because all chocolate has dairy!

The owner of the bakery comes from the back kitchen to check out the situation. She herself put a lot of work into making all of the recipes and ensuring all ingredients are vegan and eco-friendly.

Owner: “What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “There’s chocolate in almost everything you have! These things can’t possibly be vegan! How dare you try to pass these treats as vegan when you are putting milk in them?!”

Owner: “Ma’am, all of our chocolate is vegan. We make our chocolate items from scratch with cocoa powder. And our chocolate chips come from certified vegan sources. This entire establishment is vegan, and we don’t let anything dairy through the doors, especially in the kitchen.”

The customer responds very matter of factly.

Customer: “Yes, but did you even care to think that cocoa powder is made of ground-up chocolate bars, and all chocolate bars have dairy in them? And you said yourself that you use cocoa powder in your chocolate, so your chocolate treats all have dairy in them.”

Everyone, including our regular, is stunned silent at this woman’s backward logic.

Owner: “Ma’am, cocoa powder comes straight from the cacao tree, which in no way produces milk. And not even all chocolate bars have dairy. If you walk into any grocery store, many of the dark chocolate bars are dairy-free. We make everything from scratch here. Everything is vegan; even all of the employees are vegan. I can assure you, there is no dairy in this building.”

Customer: “Oh… Well, fine. I’ll have six cupcakes.”

She then selects six cupcakes, most of which have chocolate.

After she leaves, our normally quiet regular speaks up.

Regular: “Hey, [My Name], this green smoothie you just made me… does it have dairy in it?”

We all laughed hysterically and spent the rest of the day warning each other not to eat anything in case it had dairy in it.

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