At the university where I work, I teach a library research methods course. Since the final exam is a skills test, I prepare a take-home practice exam with different questions that cover the same techniques as the final. If the students can work out the answers to the practice test, they should do well on the final.

Two students approach me.

Student: “We want to leave a couple of days before the final. Could we take it early?”

Me: “You can’t take the final itself, since you could potentially pass the questions on to other students, but I’ll let you take the practice exam in class the day before everyone else gets it, and I’ll grade you on that.”

Student: “But that’s not fair! We should get a practice exam, too.”

Me: “Let me get this straight. As a favor, I am letting you take the exam two days early, but you also want me to create an extra practice exam just for you two?”

Student: “Yes?”

Me: “No.”

I’m non-binary, which means that even though I physically present male, I don’t care what gender I’m associated with. I’ll usually dress neutrally, but sometimes I dress more feminine. When this story takes place, I am wearing a feminine top and a woman’s jacket with camouflage pants. I’m in the bathroom at a fast food restaurant when a man comes up behind me.

Man: “Hey, [transphobic slur]!”

Before I can even turn around and while I’m still using the urinal, the man grabs my shoulder and spins me around. He did this so suddenly, I didn’t have much time to react and I accidentally splashed his boots with… well, you know. 

Man: “UGH! WHAT THE F***, MAN?!”

He then sprints out of the bathroom. Shaken up but thinking this is the end of the encounter, I finish my business and walk out of the bathroom. A manager stops me before I reach the food counter to place my order. The man is with him and looks really angry.

Manager: “This man says you peed on him in the bathroom because he asked to use the urinal next. You need to leave or I’ll be calling the police.”

Man: “And you’d better apologize to me, you [transphobic slur]!”

Me: “Um… actually, you yanked me away from the urinal while I was using it.”

Man: “That’s a lie!” *To the manager* “This [transphobic slur] and people like him should be locked in jail! They’re mentally diseased!”

Me: *Stunned* “But… you’re the one yelling insults at strangers.”

Manager: “I don’t care who started this.” *Looks at me* “You need to leave now or the cops will be called.” *Looks at the man* “You need to leave, too.”

Man: “But why me? I’m the victim! This [transphobic slur] peed all over me!”

I’m not usually a confrontational person, so I complied with the manager and left the restaurant. I didn’t see how the rest of it went down, but I did pass by a cop with flashing lights on my way home.

During undergrad, I work at a deli in a major supermarket. Most of my coworkers are also in college, and we all get along and generally have a good time. We usually don’t have too much trouble, but for some reason, a couple of managers have decided that they don’t like one of my coworkers. They nitpick his work and give him a hard time for things the rest of us never get in trouble for.

One morning, they decide that his five-o’clock shadow warrants a beard net. This is an unusual request considering that, one, no one without a beard has ever been told to do this before; two, he has barely any stubble; and three, they are making a big deal about it and seem to be trying to make him feel bad about it.

Managers aside, I am the only female employee in the department at the time. So, I stroll up and ask what is going on. They point out his stubble.

Me: “I’m certain that I have eyebrow hairs longer than that.” *In mock concern* “Should I be wearing my hairnet over them?”

They sort of look at each other.

Manager #1: *Hesitantly* “No… you don’t need to do that.”

Me: “Why not? It’s likely that my eyebrow hairs would be in someone’s food if we’re worried about chin stubble.”

Manager #2: “No, no, you shouldn’t worry about it.”

Me: “What about the fine hairs on a woman’s face? What about those? Should I be shaving?”

They were catching on now. They told my coworker to put on a beard net and left. He did… and so did I. Solidarity.

I don’t think I’ve seen so many people double-take and start laughing before. The customers and my indirect managers thought it was hilarious. When they would ask me about it, I would just say that I was protecting the food in the store from any potential hairs, real or imagined. By noon, when the original pair of managers returned, I was having a very good day. They begged me to take the beard net off, and I pointed out that there was nothing in the store policy saying that I couldn’t wear PPE, which included beard nets. I wore it until the end of my shift that day. They never bothered my coworker about his stubble after that.

This story is part of our Best Of July 2021 roundup!

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My husband, toddler, and I are getting ready to go on a hike. I have a Shewee — a female urination device — so I don’t have to squat in the woods. I’m having a hard time finding where I put it last.

Me: “I’ve got to stop misplacing my pee thing.”

Husband: “Huh, I don’t have that problem.”

My mom and I are at the store and head into the cosmetics section so she can get a few things. I don’t wear makeup and am not interested in doing so, so I poke about while she looks over makeup shades… until something fun catches my eye.

Me: “Hey, Mom, look! Planet-themed bath bombs!”

Mom: “That’s cool.” *Goes back to browsing*

Me: “And the different planets have different scents. Venus is citrus-scented.”

Mom: “That’s cool.”

Me: “Earth is ocean-scented. And the moon is vanilla.”

Mom: “That’s cool.”

Me: *Pauses* “I would hate to find out what the Uranus bath bomb smells like.”