Why Did He Think This Would Work?

, , , | Right | February 16, 2021

Cashier: “Hello, welcome to [Restaurant]. What can I get for you?”

Customer: “I want fries.”

Cashier: “Okay. What size?”

Customer: “Fries.”

Cashier: “We have small, medium, and large fries.”

Customer: “Yeah, that one.”

Cashier: *Short pause* “The large?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Cashier: “Okay, anything else?”

Customer: “No.”

Cashier: “Okay, that will be [Price].”

Customer: “No.”

Cashier: *Another pause* “Our large fries cost [price], with tax. If you want, our medium fries are [lower price], instead.”

Customer: “No.”

Cashier: “Well, I’m sorry, but that is what it costs.”

The customer speaks in a tone like he is talking to a small child.

Customer: “I want fries, buuut I don’t want to pay for them.”

Cashier: “But you do have to pay for them if you want to get them here.”

Customer: *In a smug tone* “No.”

Cashier: “All right, then.”

The cashier presses something on the register.

Cashier: “Please step aside so I can take the orders of people who are actually willing to pay.”

The man stepped aside, I guess thinking that the cashier had put through his order. However, after a few more orders, including mine, had been processed and delivered, it apparently became obvious to him that he wasn’t getting the fries he’d demanded, and he ended up stomping out.

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You Want Open? I’ll Give You Open!

, , , , | Right | February 12, 2021

I’m a manager at a convenience store and I have been a cashier for years. Some mornings, I work alone while I wait for my cashier to come in after taking her kids to school. Of course, doing managerial work plus being a cashier takes me all over the store, and most times I have to eat on the clock. Then, I have to go to the bathroom.

What makes me mad is the fact that I put a sign up saying I will be back in five minutes, lock the door, and don’t let anyone in, and people still won’t read the sign, will yank the door so hard I can hear it all the way in the back, and sometimes will bang on it like they’re dying.

One time, a customer just needs the receipt from one of the pumps and starts hitting the door insistently. Mind you, when I’m alone, I don’t take my phone to the bathroom with me so I can get the store opened as soon as possible, but this time, I think what I ate was bad, so I am there a little longer than anticipated.

This guy bangs the door like he is being robbed. When I finally open the door, he’s furious.

Customer: “I want my receipt! Why are you not open? What’s going on?!”

Me: “Well, sir, I had to take a s***. What do you want?!”

I guess people expect us service providers to be robots.

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Let’s Hope This One Doesn’t Rise From The Ashes

, , , | Legal | February 12, 2021

Like many of you, I enjoy messing with scammers. This interaction is my favorite so far. Unfortunately, I cannot duplicate the over-the-top fake New Jersey accent used in this call.

Scammer: “Hello, this is [Scammer] with American Medicare. How are you today?”

Me: “And where are you located?”

Scammer: “I am in Phoenix, Arizona.”

Me: “What time is it in Phoenix, Arizona?”

There’s silence for thirty seconds.

Scammer: “I am calling about your American Medicare benefits!”

Me: “Great. What time is it in Phoenix, Arizona?”

Scammer: “What did you say?”

Me: “What time is it in Phoenix, Arizona?”

Scammer: “Um…”

There’s silence again for a minute.

Me: “I can do this all day. Whatever keeps you from cheating the gullible.”

Scammer: “I’ll put you on our do-not-call list.”

Me: “Aw, don’t want to play anymore?”

And they hung up on me.

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Insert Several Clapping Emoji Here

, , , , , | Right | February 11, 2021

I am shopping for supplies for a charity I help run. There is one other customer in the same aisle as me: a young woman in a polo and dark pants. Employees of this store wear a different color polo and khaki pants. Another customer turns down the aisle and makes a beeline for the young woman.

Customer: “You. Where are your [product]s? I’ve been all over and I can’t find it. Your store is horribly organized.”

Young Woman: “Oh, I don’t work here, but I think—”

Customer: *Cutting her off* “I insist that you show me where they are, now! I am in quite a hurry!”

The young woman abruptly claps her hands several times, right in the other customer’s face. She looks startled and stops talking.

Young Woman: “Li-sten! I. Don’t. Work. Here.”

Customer: “Uh… but I need—”

Young Woman: “I. Don’t. Work. Here.”

She clapped a couple more times when the customer tried to speak, and finally, the customer slunk off to find someone who actually worked there. I gave the young woman a golf clap and we shared an eye roll before we both got back to shopping.

This story is part of our Best Of February 2021 roundup!

Read the next Best Of February 2021 roundup story!

Read the Best Of February 2021 roundup!

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Oh What Fools These Mortals Be, Act II

, , , , | Right | February 9, 2021

Customer: “I was looking for a copy of Romeo and Juliet and I was hoping you could help me. I need a specific version for school.”

Me: “Of course I can help. What version do you need?”

Customer: “The Shakespeare version.”

Me: “The No Fear Shakespeare version?”

Customer: “No, the original.”

Me: “The original script from 1595?”

Oh What Fools These Mortals Be

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