Finals, AKA The Professor Olympics

, , , , , | Learning | July 21, 2020

The university I used to work for actually printed the diplomas for graduation as opposed to mailing the diploma to the student later. That meant that all seniors had to have their finals in by Tuesday of finals week, and it was a thing. This important deadline was drilled into the faculty’s heads, and everyone knew they had to grade their seniors first.

And every year, our college staff would take bets on which professor would be the last to get their grades in. This betting pool was a decades-long tradition. As far as my coworkers knew — one of whom had been with the university for over thirty-five years — it had been going on for at least fifty years and probably longer. As the newbie, I thought this was ridiculous, but it was also entertaining after a long, crazy semester.

During finals, we always scheduled a full complement of student workers ready as runners to find the outlier professors. Yes, we would literally send students chasing after professors on campus! My colleagues told me in the 1970s a student worker had to go sneak onto a golf course to find a professor who hadn’t turned in his grades and drive him back to campus to turn them in.

Then, one spring, we had an outlier who was a graduate student. That was a big problem because he didn’t have an office or an office phone, and his student email was full. We called up his department for his info. Nothing. We got his cell phone from his student file. Nothing.

Then, one of our student workers found him on Facebook and messaged him. He had the grades posted within twenty minutes and apologized profusely. Apparently, he fell asleep after his own finals. Ha!

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Most Concierges Get A Call For A Different Kind Of Taxi Driver

, , , , , | Right | July 20, 2020

This is in the early 2000s, so none of us have smartphones, and while we all have Internet on our computers at school, nobody brought a computer with them. We are in a hotel for a school event. It is well after lights outs and my roommates and I are “sleeping”. So, our conversation is odd, and what follows makes perfect sense at the time.

Roommate #1: “It’s like that guy that tried to kill Reagan to impress the actress from Taxi Driver.”

Roommate #2: “Yeah, exactly! Just like… s***, what’s that guy’s name?”

Roommate #3: “Jodie Foster?”

Me: “No, that’s the actress. The guy was… f***, I can’t remember, either.”

Roommate #1: “It’s gonna bug me until we remember.”

Roommate #2: “Oh, I know!”

[Roommate #2] grabs the room phone.

Roommate #2: “Hello. I know this isn’t in your job description, but can you tell us the name of the guy that tried to kill Reagan?” *Pauses* “John Hinkley. Thank you so much.”

Roommate #3: “Who did you call?”

Roommate #2: “The concierge.”

Telling this story to the rest of the group started a new tradition of trying to find a question that would stump the concierge at any hotel we stayed at. We’d always leave a tip for the night shift concierge when we checked out.


This story is part of our July 2020 Roundup – the best stories of the month!

Read the next July 2020 Roundup story!

Read the July 2020 Roundup!

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Unfiltered Story #201324

, , , | Unfiltered | July 20, 2020

I manage a small family bakery- our specialty is old fashioned hand made pie. The 3 days before Thanksgiving are our “Black Days” 3 days of 12 hours and lines out the door all day. The whole building is tiny and we make/bake as much as we can as fast as we can- so everything is first come first server and we do not take orders.
This makes for some interesting phone calls
My standard polite response is
“I am sorry ma’am/ we do not take orders or hold pies- we do not have the space to store them. You have to come stand in line, it moves fast and you get a chance to make some new friends”
Phone calls do not get to me unless the customer will not take no for an answer- since my girls know that I am not the most polite person or suffer fools

Cust #1 “You have to take my order, I want 3 pies and I refuse to stand in your long line, don’t you know rich people hate to stand in line”
Me: if you are that rich I am sure you have an assistant or maid who could do it for you
Cust # 2 “You know your lines are too long- who would stand in line for pie? Take my order or I will never come there again”
Me: Great have a nice day- the 100 other people in line will have more pie
Cust #3 “The owner always takes my order, he does it all the time and you have to do now- I am too important to stand in line”
Me: Sir- our original owner died last year, thank you for the reminder that he never cared how important people were just that they got the best pie

My favorite by far was a few years ago
Cust- This is JaZe and Beyonce tour manager- they are in town for Thanksgiving with her parents and the “Star” wants to surprise her mom with a pie”
(B’s mom is a very nice lady who does in fact come in for pie during the year)
Me: “I am sorry sir we do not take orders or hold pies- we do not have the space to store them. You have to come stand in line, it moves fast and you get a chance to make some new friends”
Cust- You don’t understand, these are STARS! STARS do not stand in line- STARS get special treatment! STARS get whatever they want, when they want! And these STARS want some of your pie! do you know what they could do for your business?
Me: Well the STARS should have thought ahead and send an assistant to stand in line early this morning. Thank you but we already make as much as we can we really don’t need any endorsements. Please tell Ms B’s mom that T the manager said hello and we will see her later in the year. <click>

Unfiltered Story #201314

, , | Unfiltered | July 20, 2020

(I’m at work on a Sunday evening after unexpectedly being called in due to a completely booked schedule and shorthand of staff. It’s my last client of the night and she is a total pain. She complains about every little thing I do.)

Client: I do not like Swedish so please don’t use those techniques. I thought I was getting a male therapist.

Me: I’m sorry ma’am but I am not trained or certified in any massage modalities other than Swedish. I can perform deep pressure but that’s it. I really don’t know how to help you.

Client: Don’t beat yourself up. It’s not your fault you can’t help me. It’s the people who scheduled the appointment who are at fault.

Me: (speechless and somewhat insulted by what she has been saying)

(Eventually the session ends and the client leaves with her entourage. I recommended to her that she go see my trainer at the massage clinic who specializes in pain management and has more experience than me. )

Me: (to the receptionist) Worst. Shift. Ever!

(I let out a giant scream in frustration that lasted fifteen seconds. I then cleaned up my room and stormed out. I was not in trouble for screaming since all the clients had left the building though. And yes, I still work there despite my insecurity and how hurt I was.)

Unfiltered Story #201298

, , | Unfiltered | July 19, 2020

(Our office server has gone down over the weekend, so the legal assistant puts in a call to our tech to check it out. One of the hard drives has apparently malfunctioned, which means he has to take it out of office, replace the hard drive, then bring it back. One of the programs apparently malfunctioned with the drive. The legal assistant, or the LA, gets the necessary disks for anything that needs to be reinstalled, and puts them beside her computer for him to use, since her computer is directly linked as controller for the server.)

Tech: “I can’t find [program] disk. Could you look in the closet to find it for me?

LA: “I thought I put it beside my computer for you. Did you check?”

Tech: “Yeah, it’s not there. Maybe you thought you grabbed it. I’m not able to go any further without that disk, either, so if you can find it as soon as possible, I would appreciate it.”

(The legal assistant goes into our storage closet, which is filled with boxes. She has been at it for two hours when Tech calls out for her.)

LA: “I’m trying to find the program still. You said you needed it, remember?”

Tech: “Oh, yeah, that. I found the disk, it was mixed in with the others. I’ve already installed the program and have it updating for you.”

LA: “Why didn’t you tell me that you had found it? I had other work to see to!”

Tech: “I forgot you were in there.”

(Needless to say, he was quick to get out of her office and leave the premises.)