Man Who Jumps Through Backyards Carrying Large Sack Confused At Being Mistaken For Burglar

, , , , , , | Related | November 14, 2018

(I am visiting my grandparents, and all three of us are sitting down and talking about other family members. My grandma has just finished telling me about an incident that a cousin was involved in when she says this:)

Grandma: “I’m glad you and your sister were never troublemakers.”

Grandpa: *laughs* “Unlike [My Father].”

Me: *confused, as my dad is very mild-mannered* “Dad used to get into trouble?”

Grandma: “Oh, not intentionally. He was just always very…”

Grandpa: “Oblivious?”

Grandma: *nods* “Right. Like that time he was almost arrested for burglary.”

Me: *shocked* “How did he manage that?!”

Grandma: “Well, he used to walk down to the laundromat to do his laundry. But rather than taking the long route he would climb over walls and through people’s backyards.”

Grandpa: “So, eventually, someone notices a young guy running through yards carrying a bulging sack over his shoulder. They called the police and he was almost arrested, until they looked in the bag and saw only dirty clothes.”

Me: “Knowing him, I can see all of this happening.”

Unfiltered Story #125713

, , , | Unfiltered | November 13, 2018

(It is nearing the end of a long day of work in the middle of spring break working at an aquarium/water park. One of the new hires did not mention that he had changed the cheese we put on the nachos in the heater and did not replace the second bag to keep it warm. A husband and wife approach the counter.)

Husband: “Hello, I just purchased these nachos and the cheese is cold. I was wondering if y’all can put them in the microwave in the back to heat them up?”

Me: “I am sorry, but we do not have a microwave. We can replace that for something else, though?”

Husband: “But I really wanted nachos; are you sure you can’t heat it up somehow?”

Coworker #1: “Yes, we are sure.”

Wife: “What the f*** is the f****** problem?! He asked you to heat it up; what is wrong with that! We do not want cold cheese on our nachos.”

Coworker #1: “We do not have a way to heat it up, as we said, but we can replace it for you.”

(I go back to helping the other guests as the line is still long.)

Wife: *while they are both eating the one they paid for in front of us* “F*** that, we want a refund and two more for free! We are not going to f****** eat cold f****** cheese!”

Coworker #1: “We cant do that if you are going to lie in front of us, and we cant give you a refund and two more.”

Wife: “This is bull-s***! What is your name?”

Coworker #1: “[His Name].”

(We never heard back from them or got in trouble. In fact it became a running joke.)

The Mother Of All Fake IDs

, , , , | Right | November 12, 2018

(I work in a liquor store.)

Me: “Can I see your ID, please?”

Customer: “Sure.”

(He hands me his driver’s license.)

Me: “You’re not 21. I can’t sell to you, I’m sorry.”

Customer: “Oh, I gave you the wrong one.”

(He takes the license back and hands me a different one. Curious why he would think this would work, I take a good look at the second ID: different birthday, different name, different picture. Then, I realize…)

Me: “Is this your mother?”

(I didn’t sell to him.)

Moaning To Wake The Dead

, , , | Right | November 11, 2018

(We’re on a ghost tour at a very well-known haunted hotel in east Texas. Most of us are enjoying the stories that our guide is sharing with us, except for one idiot who keeps being a disruption by criticizing the stories and complaining to her friend, who has looked more annoyed with her than the rest of us. So far, the guide has ignored her and has done a great job of giving us a tour. Then we get to a particularly well-known room.)

Guide: “Most people know this room for a famous director who came through the town on his way to direct a nearby movie. He swore woke up in the middle of the night and saw someone not only sitting in the rocking chair at the end of his bed, but saw the person moving the chair. When he got up, the chair continued to rock, even though the person was no longer there.”

Rude Woman: “Could have been air. Oh, my God.”

Guide: “The director was so upset, he left the same night. He refused to come back for his stuff, he was so distraught, so he had someone else pick it up for him.”

Rude Woman: “Bet he was dreaming it.” *goes off into a small tangent to her friend, who tells her to be quiet*

Guide: “People still hear voices in here when no one is booked in this room. The toilets flush on their own and people even have complained of being touched or having the sheets pulled off their bed at random. There’s one particular ghost that likes to pinch. He’s been known to seek out women with long hair.”

Rude Woman: “Oh, my God, stupid people around here.”

(The guide starts to guide us out of the room, leaving the rude woman alone to complain to her friend. All of a sudden, she screams and jumps forward. No one was behind her at the time, and there was no furniture she could have leaned against for her to say:)

Rude Woman: “Someone just grabbed my butt! I swear, someone grabbed me!” *hurries out of the room* “This is not funny! I’m done with this stupid tour.”

Guide: “Could have been air.”

(All of us laughed and continued the tour without the rude woman. It was much better after that.)

Unfiltered Story #124982

, , | Unfiltered | November 11, 2018

Me: Hello welcome to carls jr would you like to try [new burger]

Customer: (yelling for no reason) NO ID LIKE TWO SUPERSTARS WITH CHEESE WITH EXTRA 1000 ISLAND SAUCE, DO YALL STILL HAVE THAT BECAUSE LAST TIME YALL DIDN’T( that happend 6 months ago)

Me: Yes ma’am

Customer: OKAY AND LET ME GET TWO CAILS

Me: I’m sorry we don’t have anymore of the small patties that come on it

Customer: OOOOMMMGGG EVERYTIME I COME OVER HERE YALL DONT HAVE NOTHING THIS IS RIDICULOUS, IM NEVER COMING BACK HERE AGAIN

Me: Congratulations

Customer: EXCUSE ME DID YOU JUST SAY CONGRATULATIONS, LET ME SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER
(Manger finished up her order)
(I still have my job and my boss thought it was actually pretty funny)

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