They Need New Glasses As Well As Their Drugs

, , , , , | Healthy | July 5, 2018

(I pull into a drive-thru pharmacy to pick up my prescription, and there’s just one car in front of me. It’s ten full minutes before the car in front of me drives off and I can pull up to the window, but I’m not in a hurry, so I don’t really mind.)

Me: “I’m picking up a prescription for [My Last Name].”

Pharmacist: “Okay, let me just pull that up.”

(She’s gone for a few minutes, and I’m starting to think that this is why the line was slow. Obviously, I think, they must have new people there who don’t know what they’re doing. When she comes back:)

Pharmacist: “I’m sorry, but I don’t have any filled prescriptions listed under your name.”

Me: “But I got an email saying my prescription was ready.”

Pharmacist: “I don’t know what to say. We have you in our system from about two years ago, but there’s nothing recent.”

Me: “Can you check again? I got the email, so I know it’s ready.”

(The pharmacist is gone even longer this time, and I’m starting to feel pretty righteously indignant.)

Pharmacist: “No, we don’t have anything ready for you.”

Me: “Look, that just doesn’t make sense. I don’t understand how I can have an email from Walgreens right here saying that my prescription is ready, but you guys apparently don’t have it.”

Pharmacist: *blank stare* “Ma’am, this is CVS.”

(I felt like such a complete moron that I just drove away in embarrassment. Pharmacist, if you’re out there, I’m really sorry I didn’t apologize!)

Pretty Deadly In Pink

, , , , , , , | Friendly | July 4, 2018

(My grandfather is a retired police officer and he is very adamant that my sister and I know how to handle guns properly. Since I was five, he and my father have taken me on monthly trips which often end with a trip to the gun range. My sister has just turned five, and it is her first trip to the range. We are inside the range with our ear and eye protection on and Grandpa is doing the same thing with my sister that he did with me every time for the last three years.)

Grandpa: “Okay, [Sister], what is the first rule of guns?”

Sister: “Treat them as if they are always loaded!”

Grandpa: “And the second?”

Sister: “Only point them in a direction if you are okay with everything in that direction being shot!”

Grandpa: “And in this room that means?”

Sister: “The ground, because there is nothing underneath us but ground, and you can’t hurt the ground when you shoot it.”

Grandpa: *chuckles* “That’s true, but where else could we point a gun?”

Sister: *pointing with finger* “That way, down-range.”

Grandpa: “And where can’t we point a gun?”

Sister: “Not up, because you never ever point a gun at God. And not behind us, because the door won’t stop a bullet and we don’t want to shoot Mr. [Range Owner]. And not that way—” *to our right* “—because we don’t want to shoot the lady with the pretty gun—” *the woman in position to our right has a bright pink camo print gun* “—and not that way cause we really don’t want to shoot Mr. [Cop We Know].”

([Cop] has just pushed the button to bring his target in for examination, and he sees my sister pointing at him, and smiles and waves. Then, suddenly, his eyes get very big, he lunges forward grabs us both, pulls us to his chest, turns so his back is to where we were standing, and curls up around us. I hear a man screaming, “No,” a woman shrieking, a loud thud, something hitting the floor, and then my father shouting, “Clear!”)

Cop: *relaxes and stands up* “You two aren’t hurt are you? That was scary, but you were very brave.”

(I see Grandpa has the lady with the pink gun pinned to the wall, and Daddy is handing her gun and its clip to a very embarrassed-looking man. Grandpa lets the lady go, and she and the man practically run out the door.)

Grandpa: “And that, girls, is was a very good example of what not to do.”

(We continued our shooting lesson as normal. For years I didn’t know exactly what happened, but I brought up the story recently and Daddy told me. The lady with the pink gun was apparently there with her boyfriend, who was a regular at the range, and he was teaching her to shoot. Right about the time my sister was pointing at her, he was putting her hands on her gun to show her how to grip it. And when my sister turned to the cop, the lady also turned in the same direction, still holding her gun, and said, “So, I just hold it like this, right?” The “no” I heard was the boyfriend, who tried to grab her wrists and force the gun down. That was when she shrieked, and my Grandpa disarmed her and threw her against the wall. Then Grandpa handed the gun to Daddy and he ejected the clip before saying clear, then picked up the clip and handed it to the boyfriend.)

Do Not “Cross” Me

, , , , , , | Learning | July 4, 2018

At my younger sister’s school, there’s a girl who somehow came up with the idea that Roman Catholics — the earliest form of Christianity — are devil worshippers.

She’ll sit near my sister and her friends and give my sister nasty looks and rude comments.

One day, just as my sister finishes doing the sign of the cross, there’s a blackout. The girl is staring at my sister in horror, so my sister shrugs and says loudly, “It worked!”

Learning Sub-traction

, , , , , | Learning | July 3, 2018

(I am teaching summer school for students who failed Algebra 1. [Student] is a freshman girl with freckles and braces.)

Student: “I’m not going to need this. Why do I have to learn it?”

Me: “Well, if you go to college—”

Student: “I don’t need college for the job I want, so I shouldn’t have to be here.”

Me: “What job do you want?” *thinking I’ll come up with some use for algebra that at least vaguely relates to that job*

Student: “Well, it’s kind of exotic…”

Me: “Um… Maybe you shouldn’t tell me.”

Student: “Oh, no, it’s not like a stripper or anything.”

Me: “Uh… Okay.”

Student: “I’m going to be a dominatrix. I already have the outfit!”

Calamity Jane

, , , , | Right | July 2, 2018

(Most of my job is answering and directing calls to two different sides of an office. Anytime I get a call, I have to put the current person on hold to take the other line. We have one person who calls repeatedly for a secretary — whom I’ll call Jane — and won’t take no for an answer.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Office]. How can I direct your call?

Caller: “I need to speak with Jane.”

Me: “Jane isn’t in today; may I take a message for her?”

Caller: *click*

(Three minutes later, I get a call from a client that requires a much longer call, but I am forced to interrupt them to answer the other line.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Office]. How can I direct your call?”

Caller: “I need Jane.”

Me: “Jane isn’t in today. Can I take a message?”

Caller: “No. I just need to talk to Jane.”

Me: “Jane won’t be in for the rest of the week. I can give her a message and inform her you called when she’s in on Monday.”

Caller: “No.” *click*

Me: *going back to first line* “I apologize, Mr. [Caller #2]. You were telling me— Hold, please.” *going back to the second line* “Good afternoon—”

Caller: “Is Jane in?”

Me: “No, she won’t be in until Monday. If you gave me a name, I could tell her to call you instead of you needing to call up here.”

Caller: “No.” *click*

(Five minutes later.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Office]. How can I direct your call?”

Caller: “I need Jane.”

Me: “Did you call a few minutes ago?”

Caller: “Yes. I need Jane. Is Jane in?”

Me: “And you called a few minutes before that?”

Caller: “Yes. I need to talk to Jane! Now!”

Me: “Jane isn’t in until Monday.”

Caller: *click*

(Ten minutes later.)

Me: “Thank you for—”

Caller: “Is Jane in?”

Me: *recognizing the voice* “Oh… You want Jane? One moment.”

(I put him on hold and go back to the call I was in before. The person holds for maybe five minutes before calling again.)

Me: “Thank you for—”

Caller: “Yeah, I called for Jane, and you put me on hold for her. Did you hang up on me? I didn’t get through to her.”

Me: “That’s because Jane won’t be here until Monday. Call as many times as you like, but all you do is annoy me. She’s not here. She won’t magically appear. She will not be here until Monday. Please do not call again!”

Caller: “You’re so rude. All you had to say was she wasn’t there.”

Page 5/66First...34567...Last
« Previous
Next »