She Needs A Robocop

, , , | Friendly | July 13, 2018

(My robotics team and I are advocating for a bond that would give us a new robotics lab. We are at the “botting” area to try and convince people to vote for the bond. It has been going smoothly until this encounter.  A lady is walking to the entrance.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am, could we inform you about our robotics team and why you should vote for our bond?”

Lady: “STOP HARASSING ME, or I swear to God I will call the cops, and they will kill you!”

(The lady sprints inside.)

Group: “Erm… What just happened?”

Me: “I don’t know.”

(Fifteen minutes later:)

Me: “Here she comes; don’t get close to her.”

Lady: *yelling, from a distance* “I’M CALLING THE COPS FOR ASSAULT AND HARASSMENT!”

(She never called the cops.)

A Specific Duck And A President Are Most Upset

, , , , | Right | July 12, 2018

(We sell letter-shaped cake candles. Customers usually use these to spell out someone’s name on a birthday cake, so the company sells the candles both individually and in a variety of slightly-discounted sets containing common pre-spelled out names, like “STEVE,” “BILL,” “JILL,” “MARY,” etc. If a customer wants to spell out something that isn’t available in one of these sets, though, they can always buy the letters individually for a few cents more and potentially get their purchase marked down, simply by asking the cashier for a manager during the checkout process.)

Me: “Hello, what can I help you find today?”

Customer: “Why don’t you have a set for the name ‘DONALD’?”

Me: “Well, I guess ‘DONALD’ isn’t a common name given to children nowadays. Besides: even though we don’t have a specific set for the name ‘DONALD,’ you can always just buy candles for the each of the individual letters and spell it out yourself. The individual candles cost a few cents more than buying one of the sets, but you can always try getting them marked down if you talk to a manager during checkout.”

Customer: *stomps* “But why don’t you carry the name ‘DONALD’?!”

Me: “Uh…?”

Customer: “I’ve called you guys three times already telling you that you need to carry a set for the name ‘DONALD’!”

(The customer starts walking away. I stand there in confusion, scratching my head. Was it something I said?)

Customer: *from a distance, on their way out* “Y’all need to carry the name ‘DONALD’!”

Leg-o

, , , , | Related | July 11, 2018

(My little brother is searching for a Lego piece that he has misplaced.)

Brother: “I can’t find it anywhere!” *finds it* “Oh, it’s in my leg!” *pulls it out of the crook of his knee*

Me: “I don’t know you. I’m just talking to you because you’re here.” *leaves room*

That Will Be Some Epic Meter Fare

, , , , | Working | July 11, 2018

(I get a cab through an app to drive me to the airport so I won’t have to leave my car there. The following exchange happens right after she drops me off.)

Driver: “Okay, we’re here. Have a good day!”

Me: “Thank you. Here’s your money.”

Driver: *totally serious* “And when will you need picking up?”

Me: “In about three weeks?”

Driver: “Oh.” *drives off*

(What was she going to do?! Sit there at the airport until I came back?)

Some Customers Should Be Spayed

, , , , | Right | July 10, 2018

(My mother volunteers for a local golden retriever rescue group. All of the dogs who are old enough are spayed or neutered to prevent unwanted puppies. If you adopt a puppy you are required to spay or neuter them at six months, or the group will take them back. We get a lot of stupid questions from potential adopters, but this email to my mother takes the cake.)

Email: “I’m really interested in [Three-Year-Old Dog], but I notice she is spayed. Can you tell me how to un-spay her? I want to breed her to my dog.”

(My mother spent a good twenty minutes trying to figure out a professional response.)

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