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This Customer Needs A Serious Self-Check

, , , , | Right | September 16, 2021

I’m working self-checkout when a customer calls me over to help her.

Customer: “Can you scan everything for me?

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, this is self-checkout so I can’t do that. Someone can help you at a register.

Customer: “I don’t want to go to a register; help me.

Me: “I can show you how but I can’t scan your whole order for you. We aren’t allowed to do that as it’s self-checkout, ma’am.

Customer: “Be nice! Where’s your manager? I want to talk to your manager.”

Once my manager got there, she told him I needed to be trained better, even though I was doing and saying, word for word, what they taught me.

I’m Not Your Pen Pal

, , , , | Right | September 13, 2021

Truck days are always fun. I’m putting away an entire shopping cart of pens, erasers, markers, and such when a customer walks up to me.

Customer: “I’m looking for [specific type of writing pen].”

Me: “We don’t carry that particular product.”

Customer: “Would anyone else know if you carry the product?”

Me: “I am the department head and I order for the department.”

I show her to the wall of similar items.

Me: “If we had that item, it would be here in this area, but there isn’t a tag for it, which proves that we don’t have it.”

Customer: *Huffs* “Well, would you know who would carry it?! This is ridiculous!”

I am tired, so I take a chance with getting reported by her and reply:

Me: “Ma’am, when I get off work, I go home and take care of my family. I don’t get online to look up products that we don’t carry to see who might carry them. I suggest that you Google it.”

The customer then pulled out her phone and began searching while I got back to my work.

Crafty Descriptions

, , , , | Right | September 13, 2021

An interesting thing about working at an arts and crafts store is learning how to decipher the odd ways in which customers explain what they are looking for. One day, a customer comes up to me and describes what she wants.

Customer: “Well, it’s hard on the outside, and squishy on the inside… and you can write on it.” 

Luckily, I knew what she was looking for: foam board!

Her Brain Has Been Transferred

, , , | Right | September 10, 2021

I work in a mail-order pharmacy. We ship to several different states, but if we don’t take a certain insurance, then we will transfer the prescription to one of our sister locations. I explain to a patient that her prescription has been transferred to our sister location and that they will process it and contact her once it’s ready.

Patient: “I’ve spoken to your location before and given you the shipping and payment information.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, we have already transferred that information over to them along with your prescription.”

Patient: “Wouldn’t it be easier for you to just transfer the prescription direction to that pharmacy?”

Me: “…” *Head-desk*

I’m really not sure what she thought I was saying the three times that I said, “We have transferred your prescription.”

A Million-Dollar Solution

, , , , , | Friendly | September 4, 2021

I live in a neighborhood that doesn’t have a Homeowner’s Association, but it does have an old retiree that still seems convinced it is his job to enforce some nebulous rules for the neighborhood that he has made up in his head.

My wife and I are expecting our first child, so my office needs to be turned into a nursery. I decide to build a detached garage/office in our backyard since I work from home and think we will need the storage. I’m building it myself but I do everything by the book and have all the proper forms, signatures, and building codes all checked and double-checked.

The retiree still takes extreme offense to this for reasons I will never quite understand and has delayed the build by months, as the city continually asks me to stop work while they investigate “anonymous” reports of me violating building code or doing work without a permit. During one of the periods between investigations, I am doing work on the building when the retiree walks up to my front yard and starts talking to me over the fence. 

Retiree: “Why are you still building that thing?”

Me: “Why wouldn’t I? My wife and I want it built, so it’s getting built.”

Retiree: “The city came out here the other day to shut you down for building that death trap.”

Me: “No, the city came out the other day to investigate the fourth ‘anonymous’ tip that turned out to be false — just like the last time, they said it was up to code and perfectly fine.”

Retiree: “What do you know? You aren’t a builder. You’re just throwing up that eyesore that will probably cave in the first time it rains! You need to pull this all down!”

Me: “Okay.”

Retiree: *Pauses* “Really?”

Me: “Sure, as soon as you give me a million dollars.”

Retiree: “Why on earth would I do that?”

Me: “For a million dollars, I’ll sell you the property and you can do whatever you please with it.”

Retiree: “I’m not paying you any money!”

Me: “Then you don’t get a vote on what I do on my land. Either turn your a** around and get off my property or the cops will remove you.”

The cops did end up needing to come to remove the man. But thankfully, the record of him trespassing and making multiple false reports discredited his future reports to the city and I was able to finish the building in peace.