The Killer In Vanilla

, , , , | Right | June 17, 2020

My manager rings up a customer and I’ve just handed off his plain latte.

Customer: “Excuse me, miss. Could you sweeten this up a little for me?”

Me: “Sure.”

I reach for the sweetener.

Customer: “Actually, I’d prefer some vanilla syrup, if you don’t mind.”

I add one pump of vanilla.

Customer: “A few more… like, four pumps.”

Me: “Okay, but I’ll have to charge you for it.”

Customer: “What?! Why?”

Me: “Because you’re asking me to make you a vanilla latte when you only paid for a latte.”

Customer: “What’s the difference?”

Me: “It’s [amount].”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! I can’t believe you’d charge that much for a few squirts of syrup!”

My manager walks up.

Manager: “Is there a problem?”

Customer: “You bet there is! She’s trying to gouge me just for adding a little syrup!”

Manager: “How much we talkin’ about here?”

Me: “Four pumps.”

Customer: “Every other place I’ve been has never charged me for this.”

Manager: “So, every other place you go to, you deliberately order and pay for a plain latte only to have the barista add the vanilla after you’ve paid?”

The customer’s face turned red as he snatched his drink from the counter and left.

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There Are No Codes For This Customer Error

, , , , | Right | June 15, 2020

A very old lady pulls up to the auto parts store.

Customer: “Hi. I wanted to see if you could run one of your diagnostic tests on my truck to see what’s wrong with it.”

Me: “Sure, ma’am, let me grab my scanner real fast.”

We walk up to her 2002 Ford Ranger.

Me: “Is it unlocked, ma’am?”

Customer: “…”

I just open her door and plug in to the OBD2 — on-board diagnostic port. I quickly realise the port is not communicating with the scanner.

Me: “Ma’am, does your cigarette lighter work? Or has it stopped working?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “Yes, it works? Or yes, it has stopped working?”

Customer: “I don’t know. I push it in and it won’t pop back out! What’s that got to do with any of this?!”

Me: “Ma’am, generally the OBD2 port runs on the same fuse that the cigarette lighter is on.”

I open the fuse panel and realise that fuses are numbered and not labeled.

Me: “Ma’am, do you have the owner’s manual? I’ll check the cigarette lighter fuse if you do.”

Customer: “I live on social security! I don’t have the money to buy a d*** fuse!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m not telling you to buy a fuse. I’m saying that I need to check it or I won’t be able to pull your trouble codes.”

Customer: “Stop trying to upsell to me and just tell me what’s wrong with my truck!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m not trying to sell you a fuse. If your fuse is bad, I can switch it with another one temporarily just long enough to pull trouble codes. I understand money is tight right now for everyone. I’m just trying to pull codes, but I can’t do it if the scanner can’t communicate with the engine computer.”

We eventually get a hold of her owner’s manual and I find that spot seventeen is the cigarette lighter fuse.

Me: “Okay, ma’am, the cigarette lighter fuse is blown. I’m going to put another fuse in there so I can pull codes, and then I will replace your blown fuse back where it was before.”

I make sure to do everything in plain view where she can see. In all reality, it’s against policy to mess with fuses, but I am trying to do the right thing and help the old woman.

Me: “Okay, ma’am, it’s working now. You have three error codes: P1000, P0171, and P0174. I’ll get you a printout inside with all the info on it.”

Customer: “Well, it took long enough!”

I replace the blown fuse exactly where it was in space seventeen and walk inside with her, making sure to hold the heavy door for her.

Me: “All right, ma’am, here are the printouts. These codes point toward a bad mass airflow sensor, but your mechanic can decide that.”

Customer: “What the f*** does that mean?! Like I know what you’re talking about!”

I’m biting my lip so hard. I am thinking, “Why the heck did you have me pull your codes if you’re not even listening to me? Why isn’t your mechanic pulling your codes?!”

Me: “All right, ma’am, thank you. Have a good day.”

Approximately thirty minutes later, she called back screaming that some [disabled slur] couldn’t pull codes on her truck and her mechanic told her never to trust [Company], and that we have no idea what we’re talking about. You try to help someone and they hate you for it.

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Unfiltered Story #196248

, , | Unfiltered | June 12, 2020

( The actual delayed you’re at customer is the boyfriend/fiancé of the woman doing the shopping. He spends the entire time they are shopping and checking out insulting the store, Taking the quiet, tacky little comments about other customers to his girlfriend, and generally being an ass. Eventually, even she gets fed up, and tells him to go wait in the car. )

Her: sorry about him, I can’t take him anywhere. He embarrasses the hell out of me, but, I stick through it.

Me: I suppose I understand, miss. Love is a powerful thing.

Her: what? I don’t love him! He is an asshole. He just has a really big, thick ****, and knows how to use it.

Me: ….your total is X dollars. Thank you very much, and come again…

Unfiltered Story #196240

, , | Unfiltered | June 12, 2020

( I am a hostess at a fairly popular casual dining restaurant, of which my location is one of the busiest around. It was a Sunday lunch rush, which is quite busy already, and we were very understaffed. We usually have 3 hosts and 2 bussers on, but this day we had 2 hosts and 1 busser. I was on a wait, as I had 7 parties all bigger than 9 people. I told this lady that it would be about 15 minutes while our busses gets all the tables cleaned since we just had a fee big parties leave. After that our whole lobby was filled with people waiting, we were obviously very busy, and then this happened.)
Customer: *storms up to the host stand pushing people out of the way* um hellooo are we going to get seated any time soon?! You told us 5 minutes and its been longer than that and we are all very hungry!
Me: *motions to all of the people* I’m sorry ma’am but as you can see we are quite busy today and we only have one busser today
Customer: UGH! Well you told us 5 minutes!!
Me: *with major attitude* actually ma’am I told the person who put their name on the list 15 minutes, if you could just be patient because we are very busy as you can see you will be seated soon.
2 minutes later Me: okay ma’am we are ready for you now *smiling the best fuck you smile I can manage* y’all enjoy *under breath* asshole

Hangry Husband Meets Witless Worker

, , , , , | Working | June 11, 2020

My husband and I have been moving boxes all day and haven’t eaten, so we’re already a little “hangry.” We pull up to the drive-thru of a quick, cheap fast food joint before he has to go to work.

At the speaker to order:

Employee #1: “Hello, order when you’re ready.”

Husband: “Hello, I’d like—”

Employee #1: “Oh, just one minute, please.”

Husband: “Oh, okay.”

Roughly two minutes pass before someone speaks again.

Employee #1: “Sorry about that, what can I get—”

Employee #2: “No, no, no. Just one moment!”

Maybe twenty seconds later:

Employee #2: “Hello?”

Husband: “Hello.”

Employee #2: “Okay, one moment.”

Employee #3: “Hi there, what can I get for y—”

Employee #2: “No! Just a moment.”

Another few minutes pass before we can finally put in our order.

Employee #2: “Okay, okay. Hello?”

Husband: *Pause* “Hello.”

Employee #2: “Okay.”

Husband: “May I order now?”

Employee #2: “Yes. Okay, what do you want?”

Husband: “Thank you. I would like a [Meal], large, please, with a [Soda #1], two [Burgers], one [Chicken Sandwich], and a large [Soda #2].”

Employee #2: “No chicken.”

Husband: “You don’t have any chicken?” 

Employee #2: “No. We’re out of chicken. What else?”

Husband: “Oh… I guess another [Burger], then.”

Employee #2: “Okay. That’s [roughly $6 more than expected.]”

We pull forward and my husband pays, but I insist on checking the receipt. Sure enough, there is a [Chicken Sandwich Meal] that we did not order. We get to the pickup window and notify them, explaining to two employees that we were charged for something we didn’t order, when a third person comes over: [Employee #2] from the speaker, who also appears to be the manager.

Employee #2: “Okay, so what’s wrong?”

My husband is a bit annoyed after having just told two other employees the same thing.

Husband: “We were charged for [Chicken Sandwich Meal], but we didn’t order it. You don’t even have any chicken.”

Employee #2: “Okay. You didn’t want this?”

Husband: “No. We didn’t order it.”

Employee #2: “You want the money back or you want the food?”

Husband: “I’d like the money back, please.”

Employee #2: “You sure you don’t want me to get you the meal?”

Husband: “I didn’t order it, and you don’t have any chicken. As it is a chicken sandwich, you won’t be able to get it, and I don’t want it. Please, just give me the money back for it.”

Employee #2: “Fine.”

We got our money back and got out of there, not bothering to mention it was twenty cents short and my fries were the wrong size and dumped upside down in the bag.

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