Unfiltered Story #168960

, , | Unfiltered | October 4, 2019

I have a sticker on my register that says “we don’t call 911” and has a gun on it.

Customer:(very seriously) You don’t call 911?
Me: (half hearted chuckle) No, sure don’t.
C: People ask you to call 911?
M: Uhhhh…no, it’s kind of a joke…
C: (cutting me off)Oh, because it’s on a machine and it can’t call 911!
M: Umm, yeah, that’s exactly why, it’s a machine, and it can’t call 911.

A couple minutes later while she’s waiting on a fax to go through.

C:(hears a noise) Is that a good noise?
M: Uhhhhh…..no, that’s the phone ringing.

Unfiltered Story #168956

, , | Unfiltered | October 4, 2019

I overheard this taking place at the fitting room. A man was with his daughter, who looked about nine or ten, old enough to try on clothing by herself. The fitting rooms are divided into a men’s section on one side and women’s on the other.

Fitting room attendant: “I’m sorry, sir, but you can’t go in there with her. If you’ll wait out here, maybe she can come out and show you what she’s wearing?”

Man: “No, I’m going in with her.”

Attendant: “Sir, that’s the women’s fitting room. I’m afraid I can’t let you go in there.”

Man: (getting angry) “I said I’m going in with her! How else will I know what fits her?”

Attendant: “She can come out and show you what she’s trying on. But I cannot let you go in with her, there are other women in the fitting room who won’t like a man in the women’s rooms.”

Man: “I don’t give a f*** about what they want! I’m going in there with my daughter!”

Attendant: “No, sir. You can’t.”

Man: “I’m done talking to you. Get your manager.”

(The attendant calls a manager over the walkie-talkie, and stays at her desk folding clothes.)

Man: “What are you still doing here? I SAID I’M DONE WITH YOU.”

Attendant: “Sir, my work is here. I’m here whether you specifically need my assistance or not.”

Manager: “Is there something I can help with here?”

Man: “Finally! This b**** won’t let me into the fitting room with my daughter.”

Manager: “Well, she looks old enough to try on clothing by herself. Is there a medical reason you’d need to stay with her?”

Man: “No. But I’m f****** going in there with her.”

Manager: “I’m sorry, sir, but she can come out and show you any clothes she tries on. We can’t let a man into the women’s fitting area.”

(At this point, the man begins screaming at both the manager and the attendant, while the daughter stands there looking miserable and embarrassed, until security shows up to escort him out. )

What Did I Order, Where Am I?, Who Am I?

, , , | Right | October 3, 2019

(I’m working the drive-thru. A customer has just pulled up to the window and I open it.)

Me: “Hello! You had a medium fry, a side of ranch, and a side of gravy?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “Okay, total is going to be [total]!”

(The customer hands me his card.)

Coworker: “Wait, that’s not his order. That order was from someone who drove off earlier.”

Me: “But I asked him if that was his order and he said yes…”

(I open the window again.)

Me: “Are you sure you had the medium fry, side of ranch, and side of gravy?”

Customer: *looks confused for about ten seconds and then says in a very unsure tone* “No…”

Me: “…”

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Worming Her Way Out Of A Ticket

, , , , , , | Legal | October 1, 2019

(It’s about 9:00 pm on a Sunday night when my three-year-old comes to tell me she has bugs in her poop. At first, I ignore her because she’s also recently claimed the “bugs under her skin” have been “controlling” her this last week and that’s why she’s been acting out a little. After a little while, I go and look, and it turns out the kid is right; she’s got pinworms. I quickly load her in the car and start driving to the nearest pharmacy for medicine. We hardly leave our apartment before I see red and blue lights behind me. I pull over immediately, freaking out because at 25, this is the first time I’ve ever been pulled over. The officer comes out, asks for the usual, and adds on:)

Officer: “You’ve got a tail light out, ma’am. Mind telling me why you and the little one are out so late?”

Daughter:*super happy voice* “I’ve got butt worms, Offser, and we need medicine, ’cause the butt worms are itchy!”

(The officer couldn’t stop laughing for a good five minutes. He did give me a warning, just so I could show any other officers that might have stopped me, but we got home fine, and I was able to fix the light, and my kid’s “butt worms.”)

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Unfiltered Story #168450

, , | Unfiltered | September 29, 2019

I was working the service desk at a big box store. Dr Pepper vs Coke is the real “cola war” here in Texas.
Customer: (rummaging through a very clearly Coke marketed machine) Do you guys have any Dr Pepper in here?
Me: Oh man, I wish! That’d be awesome!(while drinking from the Dr Pepper that I got from the employee vending machine in the break room. He didn’t notice me and walked off dejectedly)