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The Check Doesn’t Pass And Neither Does The Teller

, , , , | Right | September 1, 2021

I work in the collections department of our credit union, which involves check returns and fraudulent checks. I am probably the most knowledgeable person in the building when it comes to check fraud. Most of the time, if our members are attempting to deposit a fraudulent check, they are sent to my office first so that we can sit down and I can explain why it’s fraud. If they successfully deposit the check and take the loss, it can be much worse for them. This happens as I am briefly filling in for our front desk greeter.

Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Member: “I want to deposit this check, but before I do, I want to see if it’s a scam.”

Me: “Oh, well, I’m the person for that. May I see the check?”

Member: “No offense, but I want someone older, not your young self.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, I am thirty-eight years old, I’ve worked in finance seventeen years, and I fraudulent checks are specifically my job. I’m just briefly sitting at this desk so our greeter can have her lunch break.”

Member: “Fine. Look at the check.”

She gives me the most obvious scam there is. Every red flag is there: work from home, send someone an Amazon gift card, check looks fake, the “sender” is a casino in Texas (we don’t have casinos), etc.

Me: “Okay, yes, this is definitely a scam.”

Member: “Hmm, I don’t think so. I want someone older.”

Me: “Ma’am, I can assure you, if you’ll let me point out the reasons why—”

The member suddenly LOSES IT and starts screaming.

Member: “No! I want someone older. Not you! Not you! You are annoying!”

I send the member to our teller manager who, being in her fifties, apparently passes the “older than me” test.

Teller Manager: “Hmm… Well, ma’am, this check looks to be fraudulent. I will not be able to cash it. However, if you go to the desk and see that lady right there—” *points to me* “—she is our resident expert. She can review it for you.”

Member: “YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!”

He Got Chewed Out Way More Than The Dog-Bed

, , , , , | Right | August 27, 2021

While working the checkout, I spot and recognize a customer we call “Yelling Guy” behind a couple of other customers in line. He has a big pillow-thing in his hands. When I get to him, I gave him my usual cheery greeting.

Me: “Did you find everything okay?” 

His response is to violently throw what turns out to be a dog bed onto the counter. 

Yelling Guy: “I want a refund on this f****** piece of s***!”

I’m a little taken aback, but I nod. He doesn’t have a receipt, but it’s our store’s policy to either allow an exchange of the same item without a receipt or offer store credit. I notice that the inside of the dog bed is completely ripped to shreds.

Me: “What happened?”

Yelling Guy: “It’s supposed to be made out of f****** chew-resistant material, but my dogs still chewed it up! This is bad advertising! How the h*** are you supposed to make people believe that this s*** is tough like the label says?!”

I notice that, while the sides are made of reinforced, canvas-like material, it’s the center of the bed — the soft, pillow-y part that’s supposed to be comfortable — that has been chewed to shreds.

Me: “Well, as you can see, the edges are chew-resistant. The middle part isn’t, though. It isn’t indestructible.”

Yelling Guy: “I don’t care! If it’s advertised as tough, my dogs shouldn’t be able to chew it to s***!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but since there was nothing wrong with the bed before your dogs chewed it up, I can’t refund it.”

He opens his gaping maw and howls about how horrible the customer service in this store is, which is enough to bring my manager running.

Manager: “What seems to be the problem here?”

Me: “He wants a refund on this bed.”

Manager: “What was wrong with it?”

Me: “His dogs chewed it up.”

Yelling Guy: “It’s supposed to be chew-resistant! Does this look chew-resistant to you?!”

Manager: “Sir, you have two choices: store credit or a straight exchange. And since you’ve been abusing my staff, this will only happen this one time. If you come back with the bed destroyed a second time, you will be turned away.”

Yelling Guy: “I’m a f****** customer!”

Manager: “At this point, you’re a hair’s breadth from getting banned. Accept what you’re getting or the police will be involved.”

Since my manager is busy with other hectic, demanding customers, he has to go off to put out another fire — something about a lady shrieking just as loudly but at the other end of the store. Today is a day for yelling, it seems.

Me: “Very well, we can give you store credit.”

Yelling Guy: “I don’t want store credit. I want the cold hard cash I spent on this d*** bed!”

Me: “Since you don’t have a receipt, I can’t give you a cash refund.”

Yelling Guy: “This is the worst f****** customer service I’ve ever received!”

By now, he has scared away all the little old ladies — a huge part of our primary demographic — in line behind him. They’ve probably run to cower in the canned cat food aisle, the aisle furthest away from the registers. I’m trying my best to be civil.

Me: “Look, if it were my decision, you wouldn’t be getting anything at all, so I suggest that you take your store credit before they decide to kick you out.”

Yelling Guy: “I don’t want anything in this store! I want my f****** cash back!”

Me: “And as the manager just told you, you can either have store credit or a straight exchange. Those are your only choices.”

He can tell he isn’t going to get anywhere, so the miserable jerk takes his shredded bed and stalks away to the back of the store. After a few of the sweet little old ladies return to have their birdseed and cat treats rung up, he returns to the end of the line with a brand-new version of the exact same bed in tow. By the time he gets to the front of the line, my sanity has partially returned.

Me: “All right, you want an exchange, then.”

He says nothing, just stands there looking like a child who threw a temper tantrum but didn’t end up getting the candy he wanted. After I exchange the bed and hand him the receipt, I remind him:

Me: “This is a one-time exchange. If your dogs chew this one to shreds, we will not be exchanging it or offering you store credit. It’s chew-resistant, not indestructible.”

He looked at me creepily and says:

Yelling Guy: “We’ll see about that.”

The manager had a meeting a few days later with the rest of the supervisors and managerial crew. The next time “Yelling Guy” showed up, he got the surprise of his life when a pair of uniformed cops showed up during his bellowing tirade and politely asked him to come outside for a little talk. I don’t know what was said, but he hasn’t shown up at our store since.

Making You Wish You Could Leave Them Out In The Cold

, , , , , | Right | CREDIT: gravelangel | August 24, 2021

I work in a hotel, and like all of you, I am so tired of the entitled idiots with shiny status. I’m in Texas, and like most of the rest of the state, we had rolling blackouts during the winter storm a few months ago. I lived at the hotel for twelve days, including my birthday, to make sure that all shifts were covered. The vast majority of our guests were part of a stranded hockey team here for a tournament.

The power wouldn’t stay on long enough to complete a load of laundry, it was freezing when the power was off, and after the fire department came out twice to rescue folks stuck in the elevator, we were required to shut them down.

The reviews we got afterward were mostly complimentary and most of the stranded guests made the most of the situation. Not [Guest], though. [Guest], a parent of one of the players, wanted a refund for his entire eight-day stay.

Guest: “You shouldn’t be open when there is no power, no elevator, and no regular laundry or housekeeping service!”

You’re so right, [Guest]. We should have kicked your flight-cancelled a** to the minus-two-degree curb immediately so you could actually be inconvenienced by sleeping in the park across the street.

On a more positive note, the hockey team apologized for their crappy parent and sent our housekeeping staff a fat check as a thank-you for their hard work cleaning up after they all left.

The Furry Fables Of Teddy And Myrrh

, , , , , , | Friendly | August 22, 2021

My boyfriend and I are at the vet with his one-and-a-half-year-old German shepherd, Teddy, and my six-month-old kitten, Myrrh, to get them their updated vaccines.

Teddy, though an “aggressive breed,” is the sweetest, gentlest dog I’ve ever known, and he absolutely adores my cat. As a result, Myrrh has no fear of dogs and is incredibly friendly and outgoing, so while we’re waiting for our names to be called, I’m letting her sit beside me on the bench (wearing a harness and leash) instead of leaving in her carrier.

Teddy and another dog start sniffing each other, tails wagging and all, so we allow them to play a little as the owner scoots over to greet us. As we’re talking, he sees my cat sitting quietly between my partner and me and comments on how risky it is to keep the two of them in the same apartment. We happily explain that they grew up together so they have an “overbearing but loving big brother” and “fearless little sister” dynamic; she’s in no danger (save being loved to death).

The guy laughs and starts to pet Teddy, while speaking in a babying voice.

Guy: “You’re just being friendly for now, huh? But when no one’s looking, you’re going to tear that little kitty apart, aren’t you? She’s just a walking chew toy and you’re going to rip her to shreds!”

I am mortified, too shocked to respond. I’ve always loved cats but have spent more than a decade living in fear of dogs following an attack when I was a child. It took several weeks of gentle encouragement from my partner for me to trust Teddy enough that I could start conquering that fear. Needless to say, I am deeply upset at the idea of my kitten being brutally killed and my boyfriend is equally furious. 

However, before either of us can say or do anything, the jerk’s dog tries to nip at Myrrh — playfully, not aggressively, but too sudden and rough for her — which startles her, and she mewls pitifully. In an instant, Teddy’s friendliness vanishes and he shoves the dog backward, growling to warn him off while planting himself between the offender and Myrrh. Frightened by the sudden hostility, the guy’s dog cowers behind its owner, who also jumps in fear and scuttles backward.

Guy: “Hey! Y-You need to get that animal under control!”

The guy moved back to the other side of the waiting room, much to our relief. He didn’t seem to understand the irony of the situation, but from the looks of the other patrons who’d overheard the conversation, the message wasn’t lost. 

Myrrh was confused but unharmed, and when Teddy went to check on her, she started purring and grooming him, and he was back to his happy, tail-wagging self immediately. My boyfriend and I lavished praise on the pair, and Teddy got a brand-new peanut butter bone for his good behavior at the vet. It’s been almost four years since then and, though much has changed for our little family — for example, my boyfriend is now my husband — both Teddy and Myrrh are still as happy and affectionate as ever.


This story is part of our Best Of August 2021 roundup!

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A Different Kind Of Call Escalation

, , , | Right | August 20, 2021

I work at a well-known call center in Texas where people call in about their credit reports. I have been going back and forth with this particular customer for some time, so I ask a lead to step in for me and finish the call.

While doing so, I am able to listen as she is using the actual phone while I have my headset on.

Caller: “I want this removed from my report immediately! It should not be there! It is fraud!”

Lead: “Ma’am, I understand that you wish to have this removed. However, we have not received any proof that this is fraud from you or the creditor on file. If you have that, we—”

Caller: “If I had that, don’t you think I would have sent it, you stupid b****?!”

Lead: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but if you continue to use that language, I will have to terminate the call. I will only ask once. Now, if you do not have that, I recommend that you go to the nearest police station and file a report for fraud. Then, once it has been processed, send it to us.”

Caller: “This is such bulls***! I bet you need a good lay, you s***!”

My lead is completely speechless and doesn’t even know what to say. 

Caller: “HELLO?!” 

Lead: “I’m sorry, ma’am. As I have already warned you, I’m now ending this call. Goodbye.”

Caller: “NO! WAIT—” *Click*

My lead and I shared a good laugh, and we have no idea if she ever sent in the proof that we needed, but it was no longer our problem.