Sadly Having To Mask Your Contempt

, , , , , | Right | July 25, 2020

I work in a small clothing boutique. We’ve been doing online and curbside orders only for a month due to the lockdown measures but our state just reopened, despite cases multiplying and testing being nearly nonexistent, and my store’s owner decides we need to be open, as well.

I bring in my own mask and gloves since my owner thinks this is all “overblown.” Unfortunately, it seems the rest of our city agrees. I spend the day dodging customers who want to stand within a foot of me, won’t step back from the counter, insist on picking up and touching everything, and won’t use the hand sanitizer at the door, and NONE of them are wearing masks. 

At the end of the day, one of my customers looks at me in my own, correctly-fitted mask.

Customer: “You know you don’t need to wear that. I got one and tried but I didn’t like how it felt and I’m healthy enough anyway, so what’s the point?”

The point, dear customer, is to keep my asthmatic self safe. But apparently, that’s not good enough. And if I were to say that, I’d be fired. So, wonderful catch-22 here. If I get sick, then it’ll be nice to know that at least I didn’t make a customer feel mildly uncomfortable!

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It’s Only A Paper Scam

, , , , , | Right | July 24, 2020

A customer is paying for his pizza.

Me: “That’ll be $8.79.”

The customer hands me a $20. I hand him his change.

Customer: “Can you break this $10 for me?”

Me: “Would you like two fives or do you need some ones?”

Customer: “A five and five ones.”

He holds onto the $10 bill while I start to count that out.

Customer: “You know, I’ve changed my mind. Make that two fives.”

I start to put the ones away.

Customer: “Here, if I give you this $10 then can we make that a $20?”

Remember, he still has the original $10 in his hand.

This all sounds easy to keep track of when I’m typing this story. And I’m a pretty bright guy, and good with numbers. But he had the timing down, so that trying to keep track of all the changes while I’m physically counting the cash has overwhelmed me. Fortunately, I saw this scam long ago in the movie “Paper Moon.”

Me: “Stop! I’m lost. We’re starting over. Here’s your original twenty. That money in your hand is the change I gave you. Hand it back to me, and I’ll give you the twenty. Now. What do you want?”

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Does Not Speedily Come To That Conclusion

, , , , , | Right | July 23, 2020

Me: “How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I want to know why my new monthly premium amount is more than it was during my previous six-month policy term?”

Me: “Well, we ran your motor vehicle report and found out that you had two speeding tickets in the last four months.”

Customer: “Well, why didn’t someone tell me?”

Me: “Well, the reason you’re calling me, asking me why your premium is higher, is because we did tell you.”

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Some People Really Are Color Blind

, , , , | Right | July 22, 2020

I work right next to a police station, and this is in a time where cities nationwide are doing protests. There is an organized peaceful protest march from city hall to the police station. Because of that, our street is closed for a number of hours. We are notified the evening before, and have notices posted on social media that we must be closed to the public for most of the business day, although our call center will remain open.

Because of the hours of street closure, every employee is still in the building and most of us are watching the march from our windows. I watch one car attempt to enter the main street from a side street and gawk at the marchers. I then watch them back up and turn around. They then do a donut and speed towards the marchers, nearly hitting several of them before driving quickly straight into our parking lot.

I then see the woman leave her car, come up to our front lobby doors, rattle the handle, cup her hands and peer inside, and then pull out her phone.

We all argue over who has to answer, and I lose. I speak to her while looking at her through the window.

Me: “Hello, you’ve reached [Bank].”

Customer: “Yes, hello, are you open?”

Me: “Oh, no, ma’am, I’m sorry. No one would be able to reach our lobby. You see, the entire street is closed today.”

Customer: “Oh, it is? I had no idea. Okay, well, I’ll come back tomorrow. Have a great day!”

To this day, I don’t know what she was thinking.

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Caution Is Important, But Um…

, , , , , , | Healthy | July 21, 2020

Me: “This is [Heart Clinic]; how can I help you?”

Patient: “I have an appointment tomorrow, and I really need to come, but I found out my aunt had [rapidly spreading illness].”

Me: “I’m so sorry to hear that! Did you have contact with your aunt?”

Patient: “No, I haven’t seen her in months.”

Me: “You had contact with someone who has seen her recently, then?”

Patient: “I haven’t had contact with anyone lately. I get my groceries delivered, even.”

Me: “Okay. So, you have to go see her, then?”

Patient: “What? No! She’s in the hospital. I can’t go see her.”

Me: “Are you having any of these symptoms?”

I read off a list of symptoms.

Patient: “As far as I know, I’m healthy as can be, except for the heart issues.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I’m confused. If you need the appointment, then why are you cancelling?”

Patient: “Because my aunt has [illness].”

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