(My nieces call my mother “Nana.” They also love the movie “Sing,” which has a character named Nana. This usually prompts us to say the character’s full name, but once I forget, and this happens.)

Me: “Do you like Nana?”

Niece: “Yeah.”

Me: *to niece as we hear the garage door open* “Nana’s home!”

Niece: *points at iPad, where she’s watching ‘Sing’* “Nana here.”

Me: “No, Nana, not Nana Noodleman!”

Niece: *forcefully* “Nana HERE!”

(Since then, I’m careful to call the character Nana Noodleman at all times.)

(I have had some variation of this conversation more times than I ever would have expected.)

Customer: “Hey, I have this project I’m making, but I don’t want to sew it.”

Me: “No problem! We have some fabric glues I can show you.”

Customer: “Actually, I thought I’d just use Velcro.”

Me: “Oh, okay. Do you need the seam to open?”

Customer: “No, I just want it to stay together.”

Me: “And… how are you planning to attach the Velcro to the fabric?”

Customer: “Um…”

Me: “You would have to either sew it or use fabric glue. And if you don’t need it to open, you might as well save yourself the step.”

Customer: *pause* “Where is the fabric glue, again?”

(I guess Velcro isn’t as intuitive as I thought!)

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Me: “Hello, I’m calling to drop out of college, as I can no longer attend.”

Worker: *takes my information* “You’re a financial aid student?! Because you’ve done this, you won’t be able to get aid in the future!”

Me: “All right.”

Worker: “How irresponsible! No matter what is going on, you should prioritize your education!” *continues to rant*

Me: *when she’s finished* “Could you please transfer me to your manager?”

Worker: “Why?”

Me: “Because people fleeing domestic abuse shouldn’t be treated this way.”

(I am working my first job as a cashier in a large and popular retail store. I have only been there a couple of weeks. Note that while we may have coupons out on the registers, we are not allowed to offer them up. If a customer sees it in time, they may use it. If not, they can take one for another time, or just move on.)

Me: *completing the transaction* “And if you could just sign this for me?”

(Once we reach the point of a signature, there’s no going back. If something is wrong by then, a manager must do a post-sale void or adjustment.)

Customer: *sees a coupon specifically for the only thing she’s buying* “Wait. Can I use this?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t apply anything else at this point. I can’t go back from here.”

Customer: “Well, can’t you just put it in?”

Me: “I don’t even have the option to go back at this point. We can only complete the transaction; maybe customer service can help you.”

(This goes on for a moment, before she finally completes it, takes her receipt, and goes to customer service. A little while later, a coworker of mine from customer service comes up to me at my register.)

Coworker: “Did you have a lady over here, complaining about—” *picks up coupon* “—one of these?”

Me: *laughing* “Yes.”

Coworker: “I just wanted to apologize for her. She was rude to me, too.”

(I told him not to worry about apologizing for her, because some people are just like that. According to him, she complained about our training. Sorry we can’t apply coupons AFTER a transaction!)

(I go out with my fiancé and two of our close friends to a nice Thai food place in a shopping center. There’s an outdoor sitting area overlooking the parking lot and a pair of standalone fast food places nearby. A coffee shop is directly across the way from us, and we are able to hear the workers on the drive-thru speaker very clearly. All is going normally, the four of us chatting while we wait for our food, when we hear something odd.)

Drive-Thru Worker: “I swear to God, [Coworker]! If you get sick tomorrow, I’m punching you in the f****** throat!”

(We immediately burst out laughing once the shock wears off. Apparently, the coffee shop worker has forgotten to turn off her headset after the previous customer, and now we can clearly hear her joking and cursing out one of her coworkers over the possibility of her being sick. This continues for quite a bit, the four of us dying of laughter the entire time. Eventually my fiancé gets up, crossing the lot to the speaker.)

Fiancé: “You know that we can hear you, right?”

(There’s a few moments of silence.)

Drive-Thru Worker: “Oh, my God!”

(The headset was turned off, sending us all into another fit of laughter. There was nothing else during the rest of our meal, but we couldn’t stop giggling about it for the rest of the night. It was a really good thing no one drove up!)