I help people with their problems on their applications.
Me: “Thanks for calling [Company]. This is the helpline; how may I help you?”
Customer: “I need help with ya computer s***.”
Me: “Okay, I’m glad to help. What do you see on your desktop computer that is giving you problems?”
Customer: “I see my TV dinner, Pepsi cola, and lipstick. How in da h*** are you going to help me asking what I am eating?!”
Me: “Ma’am, I am asking what’s on your desktop screen; is it on?”
Customer: “Oh, nah, it’s blank. How do you turn it on?”
Me: “It’s like a car; you must press the button to start it.”
Customer: “I don’t have no keys for this s***.”
I’ve been working from home during the health crisis and apparently, Alexa is over my crap. This happens after I have her pause my music to take a call.
Me: “Alexa, resume.”
Alexa: “No.”
Daughter: “The robot uprising has begun.”
This story takes place back in ye olden days of dial-up Internet.
The place where I worked at the time had two phone systems so you had to dial a prefix to select the line. Unlike most places where it was a single digit, they decided to get more convoluted and used three-digit prefixes — 922 for an internal line and 991 for an external line. Why they picked those number combinations, I have no idea.
One day, a non-technically-inclined coworker needed to take a laptop on a trip and he needed the IT folks to set up the dialing program for him so that he could get his email. In order to test that it was working, they set the number to 991 1-800-[number]. Then, they made the mistake of not wiping the prefix before handing it to the employee.
This employee didn’t know that he would need to look up what he needed to dial to get an outside line from his hotel and change it on his laptop. He just plugged in his laptop and tried to connect. It just so happened that his hotel used nine to get an outside line, so his machine was dialing 9-911 over and over and over again trying to connect. He had no idea why it wasn’t connecting, so he was blissfully unaware of just who he was calling until hotel security showed up at his door.
Fortunately, the authorities understood that he had not done it intentionally, so there were no serious consequences for him, but the poor guy was too afraid to try to connect his laptop for the rest of the trip.
My partner discovers he accidentally paid twice on his monthly electric bill and therefore has a very low bill for the next month, coming out to just under $5. He attempts to pay the bill online.
First, he types in the amount he wishes to pay, which is under $5. The website says he must pay $5 or more.
He angrily types in $5, because what the hey, he’ll give them the extra several cents. The website then tells him he has to pay the exact amount of the bill.
The entire point of using the online portal was because he didn’t want to speak with an actual person, which he ended up having to do anyway.
I work at a small electronics chain which carries everything from batteries, to cell phones, to cables, to gaming consoles. It is Back to School week and we are getting all sorts of calls for random cables and adaptors.
Me: “Thanks for calling [Store]. How can I help you?”
Customer: “Hi. Do you have wireless ethernet cords?”
Me: “I’m sorry. Did you say, ‘wireless ethernet cords’?”
Customer: “Yeah. Wireless ethernet cords. Do you have them?”
Me: “Do you mean wireless adaptors or do you mean you need an ethernet cord?”
Customer: “No. I need a wireless ethernet cord.”
Me: “By definition, an ethernet ‘cord’ cannot be wireless.”
Customer: “Yeah, sure. Whatever, man.” *Click*
Related:
Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 37
Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 36
Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 35
Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 34
Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 33
