(I’m standing in the middle of the front nursery, surrounded by plants, and I see a customer who looks lost.)
Me: “Are you finding everything all right?”
Customer: “I’m looking for a plant. It’s green. And it has leaves.”
Me: “…”
Customer: “Do you have it?”
Me: “…”
Customer: “Oh, jeez. That was stupid.”
(I could almost hear her mental facepalm.)
(I’ve changed the name for the sake of privacy.)
Me: “[State Agency] Services, how may I help you?”
Caller: “Yeah, my name is Terri Brown. I need to know who my worker is.”
(I proceed to look him up. It is a state-wide search so a few results under “Terri Brown,” and the longer version of his name, “Terrance Brown,” show up.)
Me: “Okay, there are a few Terri Browns on here. Can you please give me your date of birth?”
Caller: “TERRANCE Brown. T-E-R-R-A-N-C-E.”
Me: *as nice as possible* “I understand, sir. There are multiple entries in our state search. I need to make sure which one you are.”
Caller: “There are other Terrance Browns? Really?”
Me: “Yes. It is a state search. Can I have your birth date please?”
Caller: *gives birthdate* “I can’t believe it. Other people with my name. Crazy, right?”
Me: “…”
(I work in a butcher’s shop.)
Customer: “Do you have… It’s like a dog. But not a dog. It’s chicken!”
Coworker: “…?”
Customer: “It’s long!”
Coworker: *pauses to think* “Chicken sausage?”
Customer: “Yes!”
(I’m a chef at a fairly nice restaurant that is known for offering many gluten-free options of bread, pasta, and flour. However, our lentil soup is made with flour that is not gluten-free, which we make clear to our servers. One server, who has been reminded of this multiple times, still doesn’t get it. All our entrees come with a side of soup or salad. So, an order comes back to the kitchen: gluten-free lobster pasta dish with a side cup of lentil soup.)
Me: “Hey, you know this soup isn’t gluten-free, right?”
Server: “Oh, yeah! Because of the lentils, right? I keep forgetting that lentils aren’t gluten-free.”
Me: “Uh, no. We use flour to thicken the soup. We’ve told you this multiple times.”
Server: “Wait. What’s gluten, again?”
Me: “Just go ask your table if they’re okay with soup that’s not gluten-free, or if they just want something else. We can do a lesson on gluten later.”
Server: “Okay, but I totally got this! Don’t worry; I’ll remember that lentils aren’t gluten-free in the future.”
(The customer ended up getting a different soup, which was actually gluten-free.)
(I work for a computer repair internship at my high school; I fix the laptops that the school provides when something breaks. While the students do have “insurance” for a couple free fixes during the year, we don’t charge their insurance if no parts were replaced, for example, a loose connection.)
Student: *walks in with a smashed laptop screen* “So, I think the connection’s loose on the screen.”
Me: “Er… No, it looks like the screen is smashed. Don’t worry; it happens to everyone.”
Student: “So, my insurance isn’t going to be charged?”
Me: “No, it is going to be charged, since I have to replace the screen. But again, don’t worry; if this is your first time putting your laptop in for repair, you’ll still have another free fix if you break it again.”
Student: “But the connection’s loose! I know it!”
Me: “There’s glass falling out of your screen.”
