A Tale Of Two Williams

, , , , , | Right | June 5, 2021

A man comes into my well-known coffee shop and walks up to the mobile order pickup side.

Me: “Hi! Are you here to pick up a mobile order?”

Man: “Yes.”

Me: “What’s the name on your order?”

Man: “William.”

I check the mobile orders and find one hot blonde roast for that name.

Me: “Here you go!”

Man: “I didn’t order anything hot. It should be two cold drinks and a food item.”

Me: “Huh, that’s weird.”

The man is obviously starting to get irritated. I check the mobile order screen and find nothing under “William” matching that description.

Me: “I don’t see that on my end. Do you have your phone to check? Sometimes weird things happen.”

The man pulls out his phone, pulls up the order, and shoves it in my face.

Me: “Ah, I see the problem. Your order was sent to the store at [Next Block Over] and [Twenty Blocks Down].”

Man: “That’s f****** r*****ed. I’m sorry to use that word, but that’s f****** stupid. I ordered from your parking lot and gave it access to my location. How is it sending my order to another store?”

Me: *Putting on a very bland customer service face* “I’m sorry, sir—”

Man: “I bet you hear a lot of this, huh?”

Me: “Yes, our app isn’t the greatest at locations and it is a problem. I’m very sorry. Would you like to pick up your order at the other store, or we could make it here for you?”

Man: “Well, obviously I want to get it from here!”

Me: “Of course. What was on your order?”

I grab two cups and scribble his order on them and then hand them off to a barista. The other barista gets his food order started while I walk to the back to tell the manager in frustration about the man who apparently couldn’t check where his order was being sent at any of the steps in the process, where it straight-up asks you where to send it at least once.

When I come out from the back, William is still standing at the counter with both his drinks and his food.

Man: “Hey, I wanted to apologize for being short with you. None of this was in any way your fault.”

Me: “Thank you, sir. I’m just glad we could get everything together for you quickly.”

Man: “I appreciate it. Have a good day.”

Me: “You, too.”

As he walks away, another man walks up to the counter.

Man #2: “Hi, I’m here to pick up for William?”

Me: “Ah. Here’s your hot blonde roast, William.”

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Why Did You Accept The Invitation, Then?!

, , , , , | Working | December 7, 2020

I have sent a meeting request to my coworker in the next cubicle. She is known to be, um, problematic. The meeting is twenty minutes from my request. She accepts the meeting invitation.

The meeting occurs, but she does not attend. I walk to her cubicle to fill her in on the results.

Coworker: “You already had the meeting?”

Me: “Yes, it was for 2:00.”

Coworker: “Why didn’t you get me? I didn’t know it was today!”

Me: “I sent the invitation twenty minutes before the meeting; you accepted it.”

Coworker: “I didn’t know it was today! Why didn’t you get me?”

Me: “I had just sent the invitation. You accepted. I assumed you were coming.”

Coworker: “I didn’t look at the date!”

Me: “So, you’re saying it’s my fault you didn’t know about a meeting that you accepted an invitation for twenty minutes before the start, and that you would have been reminded of by the system fifteen and five minutes before it began?”

Coworker: Yes! That’s your responsibility!”

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Their Dine And Dash Hopes Were Dashed, Part 2

, , , , , , | Right | October 21, 2020

I work weekends as a waitress at a nicer breakfast restaurant. I’ve been waitressing for about a year now, and I’ve had several occasions where I’ve been stiffed on tips and I have had a time or two where customers have walked out on rather sizable bills.

After having tables walk out on you, you start to get a sense for the bad ones. This same scam had been pulled on me a few months prior. It is the end of the day. My last customers are three teen boys no older than sixteen.

We’ll have kids come in on their own occasionally, but I’m always suspicious because kids rarely tip well. With these three, the whole encounter makes me suspicious.

Me: “Hi, folks. Can I start you off with some coffee today?”

Kid #1 & #2: “Yeah, I’ll take some coffee.”

Kid #3: “I’ll take an orange juice.”

Me: “Small or large?”

Kid #3: “Large.”

Kids this age usually order water because it’s free.

Me: “All right, are we ready to order?”

Kid #1: “Yes.”

Me: “One check or split check?” 

Kid #1: “One check.”

Immediate suspicion. Kids almost always do separate checks because they rarely have a lot of money, let alone enough to cover three people.

Me: “All right, what can I get for you?”

Kid #1: “I’ll get [full-sized meal] with [specialty pancake] and a side of potatoes.”

Kid #2: “I’ll get [full-sized meal with a waffle] and a side of biscuits and gravy.”

Kid #3: “I’ll get [full-sized meal with a waffle].”

This is a suspicious amount of food for three KIDS, as each meal is $10 apiece and the sides are about $4.00 each. This is on top of the drinks. I put the order in but just have a really bad feeling.

In the back, I speak to the host.

Me: “Hey, [Host], will you keep an eye on [table]? Just to make sure that they actually pay the bill. Something about them makes me suspicious.”

Host: “Yeah, sure. I got it.”

I say the same to the hostess in the front. The food comes out and everything is going smoothly. All three kids are polite and [Kid #1] is very friendly.

Me: “Is there anything else I can get you?” 

Kid #1: “No, just the bill when you have a chance.”

I pull the check from my apron.

Me: “Here you go. Just take it to the front when you’re ready to pay.” 

I know I need to keep eyeing the table, just in case, but I have to run some dishes to the back. I look out of the kitchen and I see that [Kid #2] and [Kid #3] have already left the building and [Kid #1] has just gotten up to walk to the front.

[Kid #1] walks to the front, past the register, and out the door.

I turn to the hostess with a line of paying customers.

Me: “Did they pay?” 

The hostess just gives me a confused look. I walk back to the table to see the check is gone. I turn around to see the hostess, my heroine that day, is already standing out in front of the building. I watch as the kids walk into the parking lot, take a sharp ninety-degree turn and continue to move further and further away, all the while pretending like they don’t hear anything.

Hostess: *To the kids* “Were you going to pay for your food? Were you going to pay for your food? Hey, were you going to pay for your food? Oh, so you’re just going to just pretend like you don’t hear me?” 

Some elderly ladies standing out front decide to help get the kid’s attention. Eventually, all the shouting and attention forces [Kid #1] to turn around, looking guilty.

Kid #1: “Oh, I forgot to pay.”

He leaves his friends in the parking lot and walks back inside, straight to the table.

Kid #1: *To me* “I can’t find the check.”

Me: “I’ll go print you out a new one.”

I got him a new bill and kept an eye on him while he stood in line. By this point, my manager had also come to the front and stood by as the kid waited to pay. He left a $2.00 tip, but I wasn’t even angry because the other half of my tip was knowing that he got caught and was punished by having to pay the over-$50 bill.

Related:
Their Dine And Dash Hopes Were Dashed

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Does Not Speedily Come To That Conclusion

, , , , , | Right | July 23, 2020

Me: “How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I want to know why my new monthly premium amount is more than it was during my previous six-month policy term?”

Me: “Well, we ran your motor vehicle report and found out that you had two speeding tickets in the last four months.”

Customer: “Well, why didn’t someone tell me?”

Me: “Well, the reason you’re calling me, asking me why your premium is higher, is because we did tell you.”

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An Entitlement Buffet, Part 2

, , , , , , | Right | June 22, 2020

Breakfast in our restaurant consists of either a breakfast buffet, with everything one could possibly want for breakfast including drinks, or an a la carte menu that usually ends up costing more.

An old cowboy type is sitting cross-armed and frowning at one of my tables.

Me: “Good morni—”

The customer speaks without looking at me.

Customer: “Coffee!”

Me: “Sure, I’ll be right back with—”

Customer: “Don’t run off; I’m ready to order! I want three eggs scrambled, bacon, ham, white toast, and an orange juice.”

Me: “Sure, I can have that right out for you; however, just so you are aware, our breakfast bar does have all of that for a little less. It has fresh fruit, yogurt, pastries and bread, all the breakfast meats, and a chef that will make you eggs and omelets to order.”

This must somehow offend him because, seething, he barks at me:

Customer: “I AM NOT WAITING IN LINE FOR EGGS! THAT IS JUST CORPORATE GREED!”

I did not see fit to correct him that profit margins on the a la carte items are far higher but instead happily rang in every item individually as he had requested, amounting to approximately $30 — about twelve dollars more than he would have paid had he walked the twenty feet to the buffet.

Related:
An Entitlement Buffet

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