Does Not Speedily Come To That Conclusion

, , , , , | Right | July 23, 2020

Me: “How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I want to know why my new monthly premium amount is more than it was during my previous six-month policy term?”

Me: “Well, we ran your motor vehicle report and found out that you had two speeding tickets in the last four months.”

Customer: “Well, why didn’t someone tell me?”

Me: “Well, the reason you’re calling me, asking me why your premium is higher, is because we did tell you.”

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An Entitlement Buffet, Part 2

, , , , , , | Right | June 22, 2020

Breakfast in our restaurant consists of either a breakfast buffet, with everything one could possibly want for breakfast including drinks, or an a la carte menu that usually ends up costing more.

An old cowboy type is sitting cross-armed and frowning at one of my tables.

Me: “Good morni—”

The customer speaks without looking at me.

Customer: “Coffee!”

Me: “Sure, I’ll be right back with—”

Customer: “Don’t run off; I’m ready to order! I want three eggs scrambled, bacon, ham, white toast, and an orange juice.”

Me: “Sure, I can have that right out for you; however, just so you are aware, our breakfast bar does have all of that for a little less. It has fresh fruit, yogurt, pastries and bread, all the breakfast meats, and a chef that will make you eggs and omelets to order.”

This must somehow offend him because, seething, he barks at me:


I did not see fit to correct him that profit margins on the a la carte items are far higher but instead happily rang in every item individually as he had requested, amounting to approximately $30 — about twelve dollars more than he would have paid had he walked the twenty feet to the buffet.

An Entitlement Buffet

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The Killer In Vanilla

, , , , | Right | June 17, 2020

My manager rings up a customer and I’ve just handed off his plain latte.

Customer: “Excuse me, miss. Could you sweeten this up a little for me?”

Me: “Sure.”

I reach for the sweetener.

Customer: “Actually, I’d prefer some vanilla syrup, if you don’t mind.”

I add one pump of vanilla.

Customer: “A few more… like, four pumps.”

Me: “Okay, but I’ll have to charge you for it.”

Customer: “What?! Why?”

Me: “Because you’re asking me to make you a vanilla latte when you only paid for a latte.”

Customer: “What’s the difference?”

Me: “It’s [amount].”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! I can’t believe you’d charge that much for a few squirts of syrup!”

My manager walks up.

Manager: “Is there a problem?”

Customer: “You bet there is! She’s trying to gouge me just for adding a little syrup!”

Manager: “How much we talkin’ about here?”

Me: “Four pumps.”

Customer: “Every other place I’ve been has never charged me for this.”

Manager: “So, every other place you go to, you deliberately order and pay for a plain latte only to have the barista add the vanilla after you’ve paid?”

The customer’s face turned red as he snatched his drink from the counter and left.

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Unfiltered Story #187079

, , , | Unfiltered | February 27, 2020

(It’s a normal day on the drive-thru. A woman in a large SUV pulls up the speaker)

Woman: “Hi, I want three tacos with extra sour cream.”

Me: “I’m sorry, Ma’am. We don’t sell tacos. We have burgers, salads, wraps, fries, chili, and ice cream.”

Woman: “Listen to my order. I want three tacos with extra sour cream.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I don’t sell tacos. Please pick something off of the menu.”

Woman: “Three. Tacos. With. Extra. Sour. Cream.”

Me: “The closest thing I have to a taco is a chicken wrap. I can do a spicy wrap with sour cream. That is the closest thing on the menu to a taco.”

Woman, screaming: “THREE TACOS WITH SOUR CREAM.”

Me: “We don’t serve tacos. Please pull through and leave the line. There is a line behind you, and I think you meant to go to -other fast food place- and not -this fast food place-.”

Woman: ‘You b****! You are so rude! Take my order now! I know exactly where I am!”

Me: “I would love to take your order, but we don’t serve what you want. Chose something off the menu, or go somewhere that serves them.”

Woman, screaming: “MANAGER NOW!”

-my manager puts on his headset. He’s been watching my reactions for the past minute-

Manger: “What seems to be the problem?”

Woman: “Your b**** of an employee wont take my order!”

Manager: “Please refrain from insulting my employees. What did you want to order?”

Woman: “Three tacos with sour cream!”

Manager: “Ma’am, we are burger place. We don’t serve tacos. Never have, never will. If you want tacos, go to -other fast food place-.”

Woman: “How dare you refuse to serve me! I’ll sue!”

Manager: “I’m supposed to serve you food that you can clearly see isn’t on the menu?”

Woman: “You are supposed to put customers first, you stupid SOB! Either serve me, or else!”

Manager: “Ma’am, get out of my drive-thru line before I call the cops and have you removed from it!”

Woman: “Threats! You are threatening me! I will sue! You will regret this”

Manager: “You have 10 seconds before I call the police and have you removed from the property.”

-the lady speeds out of the drive-thru, nearly hitting another car on her way out-

Manager: “I think it’s break time for both of us now.”

Me: “I love you.”

Getting Past The Fox Firewall Of Ignorance

, , , , | Right | February 19, 2020

Me: “What Internet browser are you using?”

Caller: “Windows 7.”

Me: “What do you use to navigate the Internet with?”

Caller: “Oh! Time Warner Cable!”

Me: “No, no… What do you click on? What application do you use when you want to surf the web?”

Caller: “Google.”

Me: “Google Chrome?”

Caller: “No, just Google.”

Me: “You mean www-dot-google-dot-com?”

Caller: “Yes!”

Me: “No… that’s a search provider, still not your browser.”

Caller: “I’m sorry, I’m very computer illiterate.”

Me: “Do any of these sound familiar; Windows Internet Explorer, Mozilla Firefox, Google Chrome, Apple Safari, Op—”

Caller: “Yes! That one!”

Me: “Which one?”

Caller: “Fox Fire!”

Me: “Close enough…” *starts troubleshooting*

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