A Cup Of Mary With Your Cup Of Joe

, , , , | Right | December 6, 2018

(I’m taking the order of a woman talking on her cell when this exchange occurs.)

Customer: “Grande mocha, whole milk.” *goes back to talking on her phone*

Me: “Whipped cream on that?”

Customer: “Mary.”

Me: “Would you like whipped cream, ma’am?”

Customer: “Mary!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, would you—”

Customer: “M… A… R… “

Me:Mary! Would you like whipped cream?!

Customer: “Oh… Yeah.”

This Is The Dehumanized Checkout

, , , , , , | Right | November 20, 2018

(I am a cashier in a membership-based wholesale warehouse. We have a food court that is located past the registers; the food court takes only cash. If a member doesn’t have cash, they are directed to the registers where a cashier can ring them up for the food in advance so they can use credit. Most people assume that they can just cut the line — which is almost always long — and pay for the food; this is not the case. I am in the middle of a transaction with a member when I notice a lady hovering towards the end of the register. I assume she is with the member I am currently ringing up so I just smile at her and continue the transaction. When I am finished, I wish the member a good night and start the next transaction. The lady at the end doesn’t leave with the previous member so I turn my attention to her.)

Me: “I’m sorry, I thought you were with the member I was just ringing up, since you were standing at the end of the register. Can I help you?”

Member: “Yes, I want to speak to your manager.”

Me: “I am sorry, but did I do something to upset you? Maybe I can address it.”

Member: “No, it wasn’t you; it was her.” *points at a coworker working nearby*

Me: “Oh, okay, let me grab my supervisor.”

Member: “While you’re at it, ring me up for food. That’s why I was standing here.”

Me: “Oh, I am so sorry, but you are technically supposed to wait in line to pay for food with credit, but maybe you were misinformed about the procedure. Let me finish this transaction and I will ring you up real quick.”

Member: “And don’t forget to get your manager!”

(I realize that she is about to complain about me, and she said it was about my coworker so that I would willingly get a manager thinking I wasn’t in trouble. Knowing this, and also knowing that I did nothing wrong, I grab the supervisor I know pretty well, and who is fully aware that I would never insult or be rude to a customer. My supervisor pulls her to the side where she starts shrieking and pointing at me hysterically. A senior manager gets involved and she shrieks even more. The manager takes her to the refund register where I notice he is giving her the food for free. He and my supervisor later approach me.)

Manager: “That member claimed you made her feel inhuman, and were purposely ignoring her at the end of your register, like an animal. It was as if you personally did not like her and refused to even pretend that she existed. She said she never felt so ignored or dehumanized in her life.”

Me: “She was not standing in line, sir. She was at the end of the register where we load the carts, and she didn’t say a word, so I assumed she was with the member I was currently ringing.”

Manager: “Yes, that would make sense, now, wouldn’t it? But no, she expected you to somehow know she was standing in the wrong place because she wanted food, and when you didn’t acknowledge the food she wanted but did not tell you about, that was terrible customer service and you should be fired.”

Me: “Yes, here we are supposed to read minds. Right, so, I’m fired?”

Manager: “No, I gave her the food for free, and now I am pretending to yell at you until she leaves.”

(I would like to note that since then I have been promoted, and I am now the supervisor that has to deal with these types of people. I never let members step all over my cashiers, and NEVER give them anything for free when my cashiers are simply just doing their jobs.)

Screaming About Everything Including The Kitchen Sink

, , , , , | Right | August 24, 2018

(I work in home improvement, and sell anything from toilets to fancy shower heads. I just sold a woman a kitchen sink last week. I get a call.)

Caller: “There is no cut-out template for this sink! You should have made me one when I picked the sink up last week! My counter guys will be here tomorrow!”

Me: “Oh, is this the cast iron sink from last week?”

Caller: “Yes, who do you think it is?!”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, it’s been a busy few days! That sink is a 33×22 and just drops into a hole, so whoever is installing your counter tops should be able to just simply cut out the normal template for a sink.”

Caller: “We don’t have a template! That is the problem! How will they install tomorrow?”

Me: “The sink is the normal size for a kitchen, and has a normal shape to it. The counter installers should be able to simply cut a hole based on that. A lot of companies only send out templates if there is an unusual shape to the sink, or if it is not the average size.”

Customer: “Do you not understand that I don’t have a template?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. I am saying that the counter installers should not need one for this sink. It’s a normal, rectangular 33×22, so they just need to cut the same hole they would for any sink.”

Customer: “God, you don’t get it. Make me a template!”

Me: “I don’t have the means to create a template. You need a specialized printer for that. The company who makes the sink will have them online and you can take the file to a print shop, but with this size of sink, just tell your counter installers to use the basic template. They will be able to measure the sink and see what hole to cut. Have they seen the sink yet?”

Customer: “So, will you print me a template or not?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t have the means to print that for you. But you just need to talk to your counter—”

Customer: “You are refusing to print one for me?”

Me: “If I had a printer capable, I would happily print a template. However, my store does not have these. You would need to go to a print shop, but I would suggest calling your counter installer and giving them the sink dimensions. They will be able to install it with no problems.”

Customer: “I’m going to report you for refusing to help me!”

Me: “Ma’am, you may report me if you wish, but you just need to tell your counter installers that you have a basic 33×22 top-mounted sink. They will be able to install it.”

Customer: “Unbelievable!”

(I never got a complaint and she never called back. I’ve never had someone refuse to listen so stubbornly before.)

Happiness Reduces After Employment

, , , , , | Right | August 13, 2018

(I am the customer in this story. I decide to get some snacks after getting gas. I walk into the convenience store, where I see a sign that says, “Now hiring happy people!” I walk up to the counter after selecting my items.)

Me: “I’m just waiting for the lawsuit for discrimination because you only hire happy people.”

Employee: “Yeah, discrimination against sad people.”

Me: “I should start a business where I only hire sad people.”

Employee: “I wonder what kind of business that would be.”

Me: *after thinking a second* “Political!”

(The employee cracks up, and so does customer behind me.)

Customer: “Well, at least they can’t tax humor!”

Me: “They can try!”

Error 404: Sympathy Not Found

, , , , | Right | June 8, 2018

(It is Black Friday around eight pm. I have already worked about 20 hours since Thanksgiving, between my two jobs. I am woozy and wobbling on my feet from exhaustion, but I’m doing my best to stay polite, professional, and helpful to customers. A woman approaches my register.)

Me: “Hey, how are you?”

Customer: “Oh, I’m just so exhausted from shopping all day! We’ve been going since seven this morning. Started over at the outlet mall and just made our way over. But, my goodness, shopping is tiring! You wouldn’t believe how many people are out there! Like, doesn’t anyone spend Thanksgiving weekend with their family anymore? It’s ridiculous! I don’t know how anyone could spend more than a couple of hours surrounded by this kind of chaos! I just can not wait to get home and go to bed, but I still have so many other stores to hit.”

(All I could do was stand there, dumbfounded, as I rung up her purchases. It took every bit of willpower I had left to not yell, “YOU’RE tired?! You can go home! This is my life!”)

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