Unfiltered Story #191768

, | Unfiltered | April 12, 2020

Me: can I have 400 lbs of mince please?
Everyone in shop: *stares*
Me: grams! I meant 400g!

Can’t Muscle Her Way Into This Argument

, , , , , | Right | July 12, 2019

(I grew up on a small-scale farm, and right after college, I take a job as a clerk in a butcher shop. A woman comes in one day and starts giving one of my coworkers a hard time about the size of the pork chops. He comes to me asking for a hand, and I ask her what the problem is.)

Customer: “Your pork chops are too small; I need bigger ones.”

Me: “Certainly, ma’am. I’ll go talk to the butcher in the back and we can cut them thicker—”

Customer: “No, not thicker, I want them bigger.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but they don’t come any bigger than this. This is the largest you’ll find at any store.”

Customer: “Well, I got them bigger at [Other Store].”

Me: “Ma’am, I raise pigs. The muscle in a market-sized pig does not come larger than what we have presented here.”

(She bought six chops.)

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Some People Only Desire One Breast

, , , , | Working | April 16, 2019

(I am shopping in a grocery store and want to get some chicken breasts for dinner at the butchery. Because I only have to make dinner for myself, I want to get just a few. They are on sale and a nice worker is quick to help me.)

Me: “Hey, could I get one of the chicken breasts, please?”

Worker: “Yes, no problem!” *grabs four pieces and puts them in the plastic bag*

Me: “Oh, I wanted just one, please.”

Worker: “No problem!” *puts one of the pieces away and goes to put the three on the scale*

Me: “No, please. I said one, not three.”

Worker: “But no one buys only one. They are on sale.”

Me: “But I really need just one. Could I get it, please?”

(She sighs heavily, looks at me, and pulls two pieces out of the bag in a dramatic fashion.)

Worker: “You will miss out on a great deal by just buying one.”

Me: “I think I will get over that, thanks.”

(I grabbed my bag as I could hear her say, “Who just buys one?”)

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It’s A Weighty Meal

, , | Right | December 21, 2018

(I work in a butcher’s shop.)

Me: “Good morning. Can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, um, yeah. I would like a steak.”

Me: “We sell different kinds of steak; which one would you like?” *shows the steaks*

Customer: “Hmm… I would like that kind.” *points*

Me: “Would you like the bigger piece or the smaller one?”

Customer: “Well, if it’s the same price, I’ll take the bigger one, of course!”

Me: *stunned* “Um, steaks are sold by weight. The bigger the steak, the more it will cost.”

Customer: “Oh… well… sure… I’ll take the smaller one, then.”

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Way Better Than What Neelix Can Cook Up

, , , , , | Right | December 12, 2018

(My mom has been going to the same small-town butcher shop for over twenty years. This allows her to make the occasional… interesting order.)

Mom: “Hi. I’d like to order a turkey for roasting and four extra full turkey legs. And can you make sure that’s two left legs and two right legs?”

Employee: “Um, okay, we can do that. But only if you promise to tell us why!”

Mom: “I will when I come in to pick them up, I promise!”

(A couple days later, her order is in and she goes to pick it up.)

Employee: “So, about that explanation…”

Mom: “We’re having a Star Trek-themed dinner party. We’re going to skewer the extra legs onto each side of the turkey and tell our guests it’s an extraterrestrial ‘turkey beetle.'”

Employee: “That is probably the best thing I have ever heard.”

(Somewhere in one of my parents’ old photo albums is a picture of them in Starfleet uniforms, proudly showing off their assembled and roasted “turkey beetle”!)

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