Can’t Muscle Her Way Into This Argument

, , , , , | Right | July 12, 2019

(I grew up on a small-scale farm, and right after college, I take a job as a clerk in a butcher shop. A woman comes in one day and starts giving one of my coworkers a hard time about the size of the pork chops. He comes to me asking for a hand, and I ask her what the problem is.)

Customer: “Your pork chops are too small; I need bigger ones.”

Me: “Certainly, ma’am. I’ll go talk to the butcher in the back and we can cut them thicker—”

Customer: “No, not thicker, I want them bigger.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but they don’t come any bigger than this. This is the largest you’ll find at any store.”

Customer: “Well, I got them bigger at [Other Store].”

Me: “Ma’am, I raise pigs. The muscle in a market-sized pig does not come larger than what we have presented here.”

(She bought six chops.)

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Some People Only Desire One Breast

, , , , | Working | April 16, 2019

(I am shopping in a grocery store and want to get some chicken breasts for dinner at the butchery. Because I only have to make dinner for myself, I want to get just a few. They are on sale and a nice worker is quick to help me.)

Me: “Hey, could I get one of the chicken breasts, please?”

Worker: “Yes, no problem!” *grabs four pieces and puts them in the plastic bag*

Me: “Oh, I wanted just one, please.”

Worker: “No problem!” *puts one of the pieces away and goes to put the three on the scale*

Me: “No, please. I said one, not three.”

Worker: “But no one buys only one. They are on sale.”

Me: “But I really need just one. Could I get it, please?”

(She sighs heavily, looks at me, and pulls two pieces out of the bag in a dramatic fashion.)

Worker: “You will miss out on a great deal by just buying one.”

Me: “I think I will get over that, thanks.”

(I grabbed my bag as I could hear her say, “Who just buys one?”)

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It’s A Weighty Meal

, , | Right | December 21, 2018

(I work in a butcher’s shop.)

Me: “Good morning. Can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, um, yeah. I would like a steak.”

Me: “We sell different kinds of steak; which one would you like?” *shows the steaks*

Customer: “Hmm… I would like that kind.” *points*

Me: “Would you like the bigger piece or the smaller one?”

Customer: “Well, if it’s the same price, I’ll take the bigger one, of course!”

Me: *stunned* “Um, steaks are sold by weight. The bigger the steak, the more it will cost.”

Customer: “Oh… well… sure… I’ll take the smaller one, then.”

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Way Better Than What Neelix Can Cook Up

, , , , , | Right | December 12, 2018

(My mom has been going to the same small-town butcher shop for over twenty years. This allows her to make the occasional… interesting order.)

Mom: “Hi. I’d like to order a turkey for roasting and four extra full turkey legs. And can you make sure that’s two left legs and two right legs?”

Employee: “Um, okay, we can do that. But only if you promise to tell us why!”

Mom: “I will when I come in to pick them up, I promise!”

(A couple days later, her order is in and she goes to pick it up.)

Employee: “So, about that explanation…”

Mom: “We’re having a Star Trek-themed dinner party. We’re going to skewer the extra legs onto each side of the turkey and tell our guests it’s an extraterrestrial ‘turkey beetle.'”

Employee: “That is probably the best thing I have ever heard.”

(Somewhere in one of my parents’ old photo albums is a picture of them in Starfleet uniforms, proudly showing off their assembled and roasted “turkey beetle”!)

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Her Heart Just Wasn’t In It

, , , , | Right | July 24, 2018

(I work in a butcher’s shop. It is a pretty calm day at the store. I am helping a few customers when a very forceful lady makes her way to the front of the line. I am already helping another customer, so my coworker walks over to help her.)

Customer: “I need ten pounds of cow heart!”

(At my store, we don’t carry cow heart without special orders, as it’s so rarely purchased.)

Coworker: “Well, we don’t have any right now, but we can order it for you. It may take a few days, though.”

Customer: “I need it soon! I’ll drop by tomorrow to get it!”

(Special orders tend to take at least three days to get to our store, and we attempt to explain that, but she doesn’t listen and comes in every day for the next four days as we wait for the hearts to come in, the entire time insisting she needs ten pounds. Finally, after four days, the hearts come in — ten pounds as she asked. When she walks up I am the only one at the counter.)

Customer: “Are my hearts here yet?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, here they are, as you asked. Can we do anything else for you?”

(As soon as I hand the box of hearts to her, she promptly ignores me as she starts looking at the box of hearts, before she throws three of them on the counter.)

Customer: “I only need seven pounds.”

(With that she walked off, leaving me with three cow hearts that we later had to mark as loss as we couldn’t sell them, and all I could do was laugh at how insistent she was on ten pounds of cow heart.)

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