Customer: “I have a question about your ground meats.”

Me: “I’ll be happy to help.”

Customer: *Pointing to the ground bison.* “What part of the cow is the bison?”

Me: “Uh, if you mean what part of the animal, that’s shoulder meat.”

I hope that satisfies the customer, but nope, they have to press on:

Customer: “Why is cow shoulder called bison?”

Me: “So, a cow and a bison are different animals. Cow is beef, and bison is… well… bison.”

Customer: “What is a bison?”

I show her a picture of a bison on my phone.

Customer: “Lord Almighty, that’s a mammoth! You tellin’ me I’m eating mammoth meat.”

Me: “No! Mammoths are extinct. Bison are… well, the animal in the image.”

Customer: “Well, you say cows are another name for bison, and bison are another name for mammoths! You’re all confused up in here, and I don’t trust your meat!”

She stormed off, grabbed a pack of sausages from the chiller, and left with a ‘hmph!’.

Customer: *Looking surly.* “Is your meat halal?”

Me: “Unfortunately, we’re not halal, so—”

Customer: *Suddenly chipper.* “Oh, good! Because I don’t want any voodoo ceremonies done over my meat, we shouldn’t have to eat their meat!”

I’m a butcher at a meat and seafood market. A customer looks at our display and then almost starts foaming at the mouth.

Customer: “How dare you!”

Me: “Uh, sir?

Customer: “How daaaaare you!”

Me: “Sir, what’s the problem?”

Customer: “You’re selling dog meat! That’s… that’s… reprehensible!”

Me: “Sir, we don’t sell any such… ah…”

I see what he’s pointing to.

Me: “Sir, those are bags of mixed lamb and beef bones; we label them as doggy bones for the dogs to chew on. They’re not dog bones.”

The customer glares at me for a moment before looking at some of the bones on display and realizing it would be a bit of a stretch for a dog to be that big.

Customer: “Well, then I want a discount on the lamb chops for stressing me out so much!”

And THAT is how we had to add an extra line to the sign saying: “Doggy bones: bones for the dogs, NOT dog bones.”

Our meat counter has ‘minute’ cutlets, which are thinly sliced pork cutlets that cook rapidly.

Customer: “What kind of animal is a minute?” *Pronounced ‘meen-yute’.”

Me: “Uh… It’s a kind of pig?”

Customer: “Oh, nice. I’ll take half a pound!”

I’m working as a meat cutter at the grocery store.

Customer: “I need a prime rib.”

I grab a ribeye roast and hold it up, about to ask how much, but then:

Customer: “No, no. I said prime rib.”

Me: “Yes, this is it. Ribeye roast and prime rib are the same cut.”

Customer: “No, they aren’t!”

Me: “They really are the same thing.”

Customer: “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Me: “It’s the same piece of meat. The difference between a ribeye and a prime rib is in how the butcher cuts and prepares the two.”

Customer: “Either get me what I ask for or get me someone who knows what they’re talking about.”

I pause, nod, and set the roast back down.

Me: “Okay. Then I guess we’re out of them.”

Customer: “F****** typical! This is the third place I’ve tried!” *Storms out.*