You Crocodile Dundee’d Them

| Fryslân, The Netherlands | Right | May 24, 2017

(It’s the day before Christmas and we’re packed with people picking up their orders. I’m helping a customer when my coworker helps the next person in line.)

Customer: *while pulling out a knife* “Give me all your money! NOW!”

Coworker: *panics*

Me: *grabbing the biggest knife on the counter* “I’m sorry, what did you say, [Customer]?

(The customer, a former classmate of mine who was on drugs, ran out of the door after seeing me with that knife. The customers didn’t have a clue what was happening.)

Wants A K… K… K… Kilo

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Right | December 30, 2016

(It’s two days before Christmas. Whole piglets are normally only available by special order, but because of the season, we’ve ordered in a few extra.)

Customer: “How much is a piglet?”

Coworker: “It’s $100. I think we have a couple left. Do you want me to go see?”

Customer: “Yes, please.”

(My coworker goes into the back, and returns with a piglet on a trolley.)

Coworker: “You’re in luck!”

Customer: “Great! Can I have a kilo?”

Coworker: “…a kilo? Of a piglet?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Coworker: “No.”

Tofoolery

| USA | Right | September 15, 2016

(I work at a butchers shop. A young woman enters with a container.)

Woman: “Did you know none of your items are vegan?”

Me: “Yes…”

Woman: “If you want more vegan customers, you should sell some of my tofu loaf.”

(She hands me the container.)

Me: “Um, I don’t think I’m going to be getting a lot of vegan customers no matter what I sell.”

Woman: “That’s a shame. You’re losing the hipster customers, which makes up, like, 50% of customers.”

Me: “Okay, thanks…”

Woman: *suddenly shrieking* “SELL TOFU LOAF!”

Patient Laughter

| USA | Right | September 14, 2016

(My mom and I enter a meat market to buy more chicken, as my sister is having friends over for dinner and we don’t have enough at home. Only one register is open as we enter the checkout line, and there is one lady in front of us. The machine is not working with her card, and the system is failing repeatedly, even after the cashier switches registers. Meanwhile, a line has formed behind us.)

Cashier: “I don’t know what is happening. Let me try once more. I’m sorry it’s taking so long.”

Lady In Front Of Us: “It’s fine. We are all learning how to be patient today!”

Man Behind Us: *in joking tone, while smiling* “Hurry up!”

(Everyone in line starts laughing.)

Mom: “Oh, no, a fight can’t start. I’m in between you two!”

Man: “Nah, life is too fast as it is. It’s nice to slow down once in a while.”

Cashier: “Let me run and get my boss.”

(Of course, as soon as the boss shows up, the machine accepts the card and works smoothly. The boss walks away to the back of the shop again.)

Lady: “Of course it works when he shows up!”

Cashier: “Yup, just my luck.”

(The lady leaves and we are up next. My mom hands the cashier her credit card.)

Mom: “You can just run it as credit.”

Cashier: “Um… ma’am, the system isn’t working again.”

(At this point, all we can do is laugh.)

Mom: “I’ll pay in cash, then. It only works when the boss is around! He must be back there messing with us, pulling the cord to it or something!”

(It’s nice to know there are still patient customers out there willing to laugh it off when things go wrong.)

How To Butcher Reading

| Miramichi, NB, Canada | Working | May 25, 2016

(In high school I took an early childhood education class, and need an extra copy of the children’s book ‘The Cat In The Hat’ by Dr Seuss. I’ve found someone with a copy they’re willing to just give to me so I stop by their workplace to pick it up.)

Me: “Hi, I can’t remember her name but I’m picking up the book The Cat In The Hat from someone that works here.”

Worker #1: *to Worker #2* “Is that you? I know it’s not me.”

Worker #2: “Oh, that must be [Worker #3]. She’s the only one here who reads.”

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