My sister is working on her personal statement, and I’m reading it over to give her advice.
Me: “Hey, you should mention that you did [Youth Program] and learned leadership skills!”
Sister: “All I learned is that no one really knows what they’re doing and we’re all just making it up as we go along.”
Me: “Yeah, that’s what leadership skills are.”
As a teenager, I am an avid fantasy reader. My brother and I are both into tabletop roleplay, as well, and we both have separate groups of friends we play with regularly. Also, I wish it didn’t matter, but as this story will unfortunately show that it very much does, I’m a girl.
Me: “Hey, do you think I could join your group for the next campaign? My group is having a bit of downtime due to life and other responsibilities at the moment.”
Brother: “I don’t know if we’re gonna do another one just now. I’m kind of worn out as GM. I just wanna play for a bit, but none of the others are interested in the position.”
Me: “Oh, I could do that. I don’t mind at all!”
Brother: “Oh, cool! That’d be great! We can do a test run in two weeks and see how everyone thinks it works!”
I am thrilled and immediately set to work preparing. Since I am ahead in my school studies and on top of all my homework, I decide to use our free study period for prep work.
Some guys from another class happen to be seated next to me, and of course, they spot my pile of rule books and papers.
Student #1: “Wait, what are you doing with those?”
Student #2: *Snickering* “Yeah, girls can’t roleplay!”
Since I am busy, unwilling to bother class, and also uninterested in debating with morons, I just raise an eyebrow, look over at them, and go:
Me: “Okay?”
When they didn’t manage to come up with any intelligible answers to that after a few seconds, I returned to my books and ignored them for the rest of the class. If anything, their comments spurred me to prepare even better to make sure of an epic test run for the people that I thought knew better.
I turned out I was wrong; when my brother had let the group know a — gasp! — female was going to be the GM, they all decided it would probably be so bad it wasn’t even worth showing up.
Joke’s on them, though; my brother joined my group, instead, and we had lots of fun for several campaigns to come. His old group ended up disbanding since no one would step up as GM for them.
A mother and her two young children are shopping for toys. The little girl has already made her selection and is waiting by the counter for her younger brother to pick something when she strikes up a conversation.
Little Girl: *Dramatically* “I’m soooo sorry about this. He’s having trouble picking a toy. We’ve got to make sure he picks the right toy, but…” *sigh* “…he’s new at this.”
Me: “That’s okay; you guys have got plenty of time to find what you want.”
Little Girl: “He has to learn not to pick big toys; my mom says that’s really important. Otherwise, he’ll think too much about them and start to turn into them!”
Me: “Oh! Well, that wouldn’t be good!”
Little Girl: “I know. That’s why I’m not allowed to have a horse until I’m older, because while I’m little, a horse is too big, so if I get a horse, it’s too much for my brain to handle, and I’ll turn into a horse person and have to sleep in a barn! But I can still get little horse toys because I’m bigger than they are, and my little brother can get little dinosaur toys, as well.”
Me: *Trying not to chuckle* “I’m glad you were able to find one, then. And don’t worry; we have plenty of little dinosaur toys.”
Little Girl: “Good! Because if he thinks too much about dinosaurs at his young age, he’ll turn into a dinosaur-brother, and not just a dinosaur-brother, but a vampire-dinosaur-brother!”
Me: “Ooh, that’d be really scary!”
Little Girl: “Yes. And I don’t want a vampire-dinosaur-brother! Because in the middle of the night I’ll hear this…”
The little girl proceeds to dramatically act out what a person changing into vampire-dinosaur-brother would be like, complete with hissing, roars, and bodily spasms. Her mother and brother now approach the counter. The mother has clearly overheard the whole conversation and looks a little embarrassed.
Me: “Did we find one that won’t turn anyone into a vampire-dinosaur?”
Kids’ Mother: “Yes, finally!”
Little Girl: “Are you surrrrre?”
Me: “Well, if it doesn’t work out, you’ll have the receipt in case you need to return it.”
Little Girl: “Good!”
She snatches the receipt and hands it to her mother.
Little Girl: “Hang on to that!”
Thus far, I haven’t seen any reports of a vampire-dinosaur terrorizing the city, so it looks like their mother made the right call!
My sister and I are on vacation in Haiti, and we go down to sit on the beach. I spot it first.
Me: “Hey, there’s the beach. I’m going to it.”
I figure that she’ll be right behind me, but when I turn around, there’s no one! I figure that she went to the bathroom or got some drinks, and I spread out my towel. Many minutes go by, and I’m wondering where exactly is she. We don’t have our cellphones in this country, so I can’t text or call her.
Finally, she emerges, looking frazzled.
Sister: “There you are! You disappeared!”
Me: “I told you I was going to the beach. Where were you?”
Sister: “Looking for you, and then I got jumped on by a group trying to sell me a doll for voodoo!”
Me: “What?! Seriously?”
Sister: “They dragged me into this shop full of potions and creepy demonic masks. It was horrible.”
Later, I asked her to show me this shop, and she did. It wasn’t as bad as I thought, but it did have statues of fornicating animals. I couldn’t help laughing, and the women were very offended and shooed me out! We won’t be going back.
My boss does not get along with his brother, but he calls all the time, sometimes drunk, sometimes in jail, and sometimes he’s just had a broken heart from his latest girl. My boss and his brother have had their worst fight yet; I won’t go into details, but it involved their mother, who died from breast cancer, and their father, who is in a wheelchair.
My boss has been acting passive-aggressive all day, being rude to customers, messing up orders, yelling at a coworker, and being moody. The phone rings and I pick it up.
Me: “Hello?”
Boss’s Brother: “Hey, it’s me. Can you get [Boss] on the line? I really need to talk to him.”
Me: “Hey, [Boss], your brother’s on the line.”
Boss: “I don’t want to talk to him.”
Me: “He said it’s urgent.”
No, he actually didn’t.
Boss: “What am I, his keeper?”
Me: “Do you know who you sound like right now?”
A customer, an old woman, speaks up.
Old Woman: “He sounds like Cain!”
She bops my boss on the head with her tiny fist.
Old Woman: “Bad man!”
She takes her coffee and leaves. And then, a middle-aged man comes up and talks to my boss.
Man: “Take it from me. Your brother isn’t going to last forever. Don’t abandon him. Talk to him.”
My boss sighs and takes the phone from me.
Boss: “Hello?” *Pauses* “When?” *Pauses* “This morning?” *Pauses* “Okay, I’ll be there soon.” *To me* “Can you hold the fort until closing time? My brother was in an accident and he was badly hurt.”
He left and came back the next day to inform us that his brother had been in a car accident and had several broken ribs, a broken leg, and a broken elbow. He could have lost his life. To this day, whenever the brother calls, my boss always answers.
