My brother is autistic and lives in a group home. He broke his foot and was given a cast and a walking boot to go over it. He had to get his cast redone because he would walk around without the boot and his cast cracked. He comes to visit us and often walks around without his boot. This conversation happens more than once.
Mom: “Where is your boot?”
Brother: “Over there.”
After several days of this:
Mom: “Where is your boot?”
Brother: “Over there.”
Me: “When we say, ‘Where is your boot?’ that’s code for, ‘Why aren’t you wearing it?’”
My brother loves biking and is looking to earn some extra money, so he signs up for a food delivery app aimed at bicyclists. Another delivery app gets more orders but is intended for people with cars. He decides to sign up anyway and just bike the orders, but he has to use his girlfriend’s driver’s license to validate it as he doesn’t have one. When speaking with customers, he uses a masculine name one letter off — so a plausible typo — from her name, which is displayed on their screen. He often works both apps at the same time.
One day, my brother is delivering an order to an apartment building where he needs to be buzzed in. He calls the customer.
Brother: “Hi, this is [Brother] from [Delivery Service #1].”
Customer: “I didn’t order anything from [Delivery Service #1]?”
Brother: “Oops, I mean this is [Girlfriend’s Name Slightly Altered] from [Delivery Service #2].”
Customer: “…”
The customer still let him in, despite using two completely different names, neither of which was actually the name on the app!
When my niece was born over thirty years ago, my sister thought it would be cute to put the infant on the phone. I protested, but she did it anyway.
Me: “Hi, [Niece]! Tell Mommy I said, ‘Bye, bye!’”
And I hang up. My sister calls back seconds later, enraged, and asks me why I hung up.
Me: “Didn’t [Niece] tell you?”
Sister: “NO! She can’t talk!”
Me: “Exactly!”
And I waited for her sputtering response. She eventually thought it was funny.
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My husband and I are visiting my family’s home along with my sister and her husband. The conversation has turned to what we are eating tonight.
Sister: “[Her Husband] doesn’t even like potatoes, which is strange, because he has Russian ancestry!”
Mom: “The Russians didn’t really eat potatoes, though.”
Sister: “Yes, they did! The Russians literally made alcohol from potatoes. Even the Irish never did that!”
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When my brother is about five or so, he is at a grocery store with my mom. They happen to see our pediatrician there shopping for groceries, too. He and my mom greet each other, but my brother is confused.
Brother: “What are you doing here?”
Doctor: “I’m getting some things for dinner.”
Brother: “Don’t they give you food at the office?”
Doctor: “Sometimes people bring in food, but I’m having dinner at home with my family.”
Brother: “You have a home?”
Doctor: “[Brother], I don’t live at my office.”
For bonus points, our grandfather and two uncles are doctors, and Mom’s a nurse — and my brother was well aware that none of them lived at their offices or hospitals!
Related:
Sequel To The Children’s Classic, “My Teacher Sleeps In School”
