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Reasons Why Small Print Is A Million Pages Long

, , , | Right | June 24, 2021

I am a railroad worker. I get a call on the radio from a train that just passed by, saying they almost hit a guy and asking me to talk to him about safety on the tracks.

I go talk to him.

Guy: “If you don’t want people riding their bicycles down the middle of the tracks, then you should put up a sign!”

Some people’s kids.

No Connecting Here

, , , , , , | Learning | May 26, 2021

I am starting the highest rope courses in camp. Being a rope course, there are many safety procedures, one of them being a partner system. There is one key fact: you must call to your partner each time you finish a course and switch to the next. This is where problems come in as I pair up with [Annoying Classmate]. As I climb up, I clip my safety connectors to the rope. First red flag:

Me: “Connecting!”

There is a response, but it is delayed and I can already see them talking to someone else.

Annoying Classmate: “Continue!”

I continue to climb through the sections, forgetting to call the second and third transitions. Finally, I remember to do so.

Me: “Connecting!”

Silence. I look down and where do I find them? Nowhere in sight. As there is only one area blocked from my view, I rightly assume that my classmate has gone under into the shade. I curse them in my mind and continue in the hopes that they’ll come out. Stupid, I know. As I reach the fifth one, I look down and see the exact same thing: no [Annoying Classmate].

Me: “Connecting!”

I pause.

Me: “CONNECTING!”

Still silence. I am very frustrated at this point.

Me: “CONNECTING, YOU FEMALE DOG!”

As this is the first time I’ve sworn in any capacity, this should be enough to get their attention even though it isn’t an actual swear. I know people down there can hear me because they look up with shocked faces, but no one emerges from the shade. At this point, someone else comes along with his own partner, [Classmate].

Classmate: “Continue, [My Name]!”

He continues to serve as my de-facto partner until the end, which I will be forever grateful for. Finally, as I descend, [Annoying Classmate] comes out of the shade towards me.

Annoying Classmate: “So, how was it?”

Thankfully, a murder did not happen that day.

Yellow Line Makes Him Redline

, , , | Right | May 23, 2021

I am at a train station trying to get home from school. A tech issue has arisen and the trains on my line are delayed by quite a bit. There are many people on my platform and lots of them are standing over the yellow line at the edge of the platform.

Loudspeaker: “For your own safety, please step back over the yellow line.”

Only a few people move back. This repeats twice more, and everyone is now back over the line, except one middle-aged man whose bag even sticks out over the tracks.

Worker From Another Platform: “Hey, sir?! Can you please step back over the line? It’s for your own safety.”

Man: “WHY DON’T YOU JUST WORRY ABOUT THE F****** TRAINS, INSTEAD?!”

We were all horrified by this because the train was coming and if he didn’t move, it would hit him. He thankfully moved, just in time. Everyone near him pushed past him to get on and he was left standing the whole trip to the other end of the line. It had me chuckling the whole way home.

Should Have Spoken With More Heat In Their Voice

, , , , , , | Right | May 21, 2021

An employee is helping me when another customer comes up and interrupts.

Customer: “Um, hi, sorry quick question. Where do you keep your fire extinguishers?”

Employee: “Residential or automotive?”

Customer: “Well, there’s a car on fire in the parking lot, so whatever’s good for that.”

The employee called 911, instead.

Their Reasoning Is Crap

, , , , , | Right | April 11, 2021

I’m at a chicken restaurant. A lady a couple of tables down from mine places her baby up on the table, obviously about to change their diaper right there on the tabletop. An employee quickly hurries up before the lady can actually get started.

Employee: “Ma’am, I’m going to have to ask that you do that in the bathroom.”

Customer: “Oh, it’s fine. We’re all done eating.”

Employee: *Sounding really strained* “Yes, but people will be using the table after you.”

At that, the woman gave the employee a glare, scooped up her kid, and stomped off, I guess toward the restroom. Meanwhile, her group at the table looked shocked, like they’d never considered the idea that other people would be using the table after they were done with it.