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This. Is. TERRIFYING.

, , , , , , | Learning | July 24, 2021

I attended elementary school — kindergarten through fifth grade — from the early to mid-1990s. Every year for Halloween, and the three days leading up to it, our entire school became a haunted house. The ticket sales went to various other school programs and activities. This being an elementary school, you might think it was more of a kid-friendly haunted house. Nope, it was an actual haunted house. The different rooms didn’t change much, but it was pretty gruesome and people really got into it. A lot of parents would help out and the high school even gave extra credit to the students who volunteered to help. Considering how conservative the little town we lived in was at the time, I’m surprised they were even allowed to start this, let alone keep it going for nearly twenty years.

The final scare at the end of the haunted house happened when you reached the cafeteria. A man, usually one of the coaches from the high school, popped out in a Jason mask while revving a real chainsaw (with the saw chain removed) and chased you through a wooden maze that had been built in the cafeteria.

By my fifth grade year, my friends and I weren’t really scared by the haunted house anymore, since most of the scares were the same every year. We were part of the first group to go through and were mostly giggling and goofing around. We made it to the cafeteria, but we weren’t sure when or where Jason would pop out.

We made it nearly to the end of the maze when Jason appeared, revving his chainsaw. The people at the front of our group screamed and ran out the door to the school lobby. One of my friends thought he’d be funny and decided to dart through Jason’s legs on his way out. Jason lurched back, sending the chainsaw over his head and into one of the maze walls. We all froze when we heard the sound of wood splitting and the chainsaw choking as it got stuck.

A teacher who’d been monitoring the area came running in and turned the lights on. There, stuck in the maze wall, was a chainsaw that most definitely still had the blades on. Coach Jason had forgotten to take the chain off.

The teacher herded us out of there while Jason tried to get the chainsaw free. They shut the haunted house down for about an hour while all the teachers met and talked about what to do. Different volunteers dressed as monsters, zombies, etc., switched in and out of the cafeteria for the rest of that Halloween season. They kept doing the haunted house for several years after I graduated on to middle school, but they never had Jason back again.


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Talking Turkey About Food

, , , , | Right | July 13, 2021

Customer: “I bought a turkey a couple of days ago. I’m looking at your thermometer; it says, like, thirty-three. Does it have to stay at that temp?”

Me: “My cases run really cold. You don’t have to do that; you just need to keep it refrigerated.”

Customer: “Crap. Really?”

Me: “Um… yes. It needs to be kept under refrigeration.”

Customer: “I’ve just had it sitting on my kitchen table.”

Me: “For two days?!”

Customer: “I put it in a freezer bag.”


This story is part of our Best Of July 2021 roundup!

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Shockingly, You’ve Just Been Schooled

, , , , | Legal | July 8, 2021

A friend of mine used to be an electrician for a school district. One day, he was doing routine maintenance and noticed that someone had wrapped a pin around the prongs of a plugin. He called this to the attention of the teachers, telling them that this was sabotage, and that, going forward, they should check all plugin devices after each class. He also told them that if a student plugged in something that had been tampered with, injury could occur.

His advice was not heeded, and sure enough, a student was burned when they plugged in a tool and it shorted out. The parents sued. As the electrician, he was called on to send in a written statement. His report included the warning he had issued that was ignored. Since the school had been warned, it made the school’s position much worse.

Shortly afterward, he got a phone call from the ministry’s lawyer.

Lawyer: “Why did you put that information in your report? It lost us the case.”

Friend: “Because it’s what happened.”

Lawyer: “Couldn’t you have left it out?”

Friend: “Are you suggesting I should have falsified my report?”

Lawyer: *Click*

This Is How You Become The Subject Of A Health And Safety Poster

, , , , , , , | Working | July 1, 2021

We work with heavy machinery, some of it pretty hazardous. The whole shop floor requires safety boots and chemical-resistant overalls, and some areas also need earplugs and safety glasses.

The company has decided that, because people walk between these areas and a sister site recently had a bad eye accident, the whole site will now require safety glasses.

I don’t think it’s a big deal — it’s clearly for our safety — so I wear mine without complaint. 

Some people, however, have taken massive issue with it and routinely don’t wear them or wear them on top of their head.

It has gotten so bad that anyone who “forgets” their glasses at home more than once has to go home unpaid. Anyone who refuses to wear them gets written up. Repeat offenders get escalated through the discipline process.

Most people comply. Of those that don’t, most only get told off once, but one guy constantly complains, constantly takes his glasses off when he isn’t being watched, and ridicules everyone for wearing them.

One day, [Coworker] gets caught again wearing his glasses on top of his head, this time with his head inside the machine he is cleaning, where there’s a massive risk of getting something blown into an eye.

He storms back out of the office and throws his safety glasses across the workshop. The manager sees this and follows him out, shouting after him. [Coworker] shouts back, pausing only to wipe something from the side of his eye.

But he does it with greasy hands not washed since he cleaned the machine. He gets tiny splinters of metal in his eye. Everyone thinks he is joking, but when he starts to scream in pain, they get him to hospital to pick out the metal.

I don’t think he got written up for not wearing his glasses, but I think he learnt his lesson either way.

Whatever Your Expectations Are… Just Don’t

, , , , , , | Working | June 29, 2021

I’m not usually a complaining person, but when these two things happened on the same day, I must have had some time on my hands.

Thing #1: We ordered takeaway from [Restaurant]. At the bottom of our loaded fries, we found a large shard of broken glass. I called the restaurant immediately. The manager was apologetic but only just. Not a massive deal: I just wanted them to know so they could investigate and prevent further food endangering anyone. End result, we got sent a voucher for a free [signature entree dish that no one really likes] for our “next order”.

Thing #2: I had a special cleaning product in my cupboard and discovered that one of them had leached up out of the upright bottle and spilled all through the cupboard. As that was the second time that had happened with that brand of product, I emailed them to inform them and see if there had been a reported fault with the bottle. End result: I was sent a MASSIVE box of the company’s full range of cleaning products, skincare products, and cosmetics. 

Moral of the story: complain about a serious food safety issue, get a weird onion thing; complain about a minor packaging fault, get given a huge box of freebies.