Spoon Fed That Bomb Joke

, , , , , , | Right | January 22, 2019

I was the stupid customer in this one. We were in the security line at the airport, waiting to get through. We had to fly across the country because my grandmother had just died, and we needed to be there.

We made it to the other side, but our stuff, including my backpack, hadn’t. So, we waited. And we waited. And waited. Finally, an airport worker walked over to us and asked if any of us might have brought a metal spoon. We shook our heads, and he walked away.

About two minutes after he walked away, I had a sudden realization. Two weeks before I had been on a youth retreat of sorts where we decorated spoon handles with clay. I had used the same backpack on that trip. I remembered putting the spoon in the side pocket, but not taking it out. Normally for a trip like this, I would have emptied out all of the pockets. However, because I was still reeling from the news of my grandmother’s death, I hadn’t been thinking clearly. Thus, emptying out my backpack had simply slipped my mind.

I flagged down the same airport worker and explained my theory. He took my backpack out and handed it off to his female coworker. She took it to the side to search through for the spoon. Along with the tangled mess of charging cords and headphones, she pulled out the clay-handled spoon. At the sight of the silly [Popular Cartoon Character] handle, she started to laugh. When she saw my confusion, she explained. Their software had detected metal surrounded by organic material surrounded by wires. They’d thought that the only thing that it could be was a bomb. I began to laugh, too, and she put everything back into my bag.

I’ve always heard horror stories about the TSA, but they didn’t act anything like I would’ve expected. While it did slow us down, I got a good laugh during a week where there hadn’t been much to laugh about.

Not Having His Day Means Neither Is Anyone Else

, , , , | Working | January 11, 2019

(At our reception, we work with a team; not everyone is working every day. We have a decent system, like a log, so people know what happened the day before. One of the team members, [Coworker], never uses the log and doesn’t do most of his responsibilities. He once left an accidental spill unattended for hours, instead of calling for cleaners or cleaning it up himself — regular cleaning mopped it up for us in the evening. We mentioned this to him and our manager, but there is little change. Because we are understaffed, management can’t let him go. One morning, I enter the building for opening up. The door is unlocked. The blinds are up. The heater –which should never be left unattended — is still blazing. Important documents are spread out over the table, right in the open. A few minutes after cleaning things up and checking the log — no entry — management comes in.)

Me: “Excuse me, [Manager], who was on duty yesterday?”

Manager: “[Coworker], why?”

(I manage to hold back a “Why am I not surprised?” and tell him how I found things. The manager sighs.)

Manager: “He already mentioned yesterday he wasn’t having his day. When I noticed [chore] hadn’t been done yet, I asked him if he needed help. I hadn’t seen him yet and boy, he looked awful. He got beaten up due to mistaken identity and he said he wasn’t feeling good. But even so, he should’ve done his standard chores.”

Me: “Or asked for help? Or mentioning it beforehand?”

Manager: “I’ll talk about it to him… again.”

(I know we are understaffed, but this is seriously not working. I’ve requested if he can be transferred to another department, with fewer responsibilities. You simply can’t leave an office unlocked, with a fire hazard burning!)

Will You Just Cut That Out?!

, , , | Right | January 9, 2019

(I work in a chain kitchenware store.)

Customer: “You just left a knife here out in the open!”

Me: “You mean my box cutter?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “That I was using to cut open boxes?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “The boxes I was actively cutting open until I got up to help you?”

Customer: “Yes! It’s very dangerous!”

Me: “How foolish of me.”

There’s Going To Be A Heated Discussion In The Morning

, , , , | Related | January 8, 2019

(It is winter, so it gets cold one night. The heater has broken, so the only source of heat is the oven. I know it’s dangerous, but it’s that or freeze. I walk into the living room to get milk, thinking that someone has turned off the oven. The oven is still on, and a sweep of the house confirms that my grandfather and I are the only ones awake, so I walk into his room.)

Me: “Hey, the oven is still on. I’m going to turn it off; it’s warm enough and everyone has like, two blankets a piece.”

Grandfather: “No, no! Your mother said to keep it on; it’s cold.”

Me: “But we’re the only ones awake, and we can’t fall asleep with it on.”

Grandfather: “I’ll get it! I’ll get it!”

Me: “Okay, don’t fall asleep.”

(I drank my milk in the living room, and then headed back to my room, turning off the oven as I went. A check back in my grandfather’s room confirmed that he was asleep. It couldn’t have been more than ten minutes.)

Making Waves About The Flags

, , , , , | Healthy | December 15, 2018

(I am a lifeguard. I have a lady come up to me while I am standing between the red and yellow flags.)

Lady: “Where is the safest place to swim on the beach?”

Me: “Between the flags.”

Lady: “No, it isn’t; there are waves there.”

Me: “Yes, that’s normal for a beach.”

(She then points over to a current on the beach.)

Lady: “That is safer, as there are no waves.”

Me: “No, that’s the most dangerous part of the beach, because of the current.”

Lady: *starting to get mad* “I think I should know where is safe, as I’m a lifeguard in Europe!”

Me: “No, that is a very unsafe spot.”

Lady: “I’ll show you.”

(Despite my protests, she swims out to the current, and she ends up getting sucked out the back of the surf and we have to rescue her.)

Lady: “I thought it was safe there!”

(Make sure to swim BETWEEN the red and yellow flags when at the beach in Australia!)