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God Doesn’t Want To Be Brought Into This

, , , , , | Right | January 2, 2021

I’m head lifeguard at an outdoor pool. One of my duties is to make sure the pool is still safe for customers when storms approach. If the lifeguard on duty sees storm clouds, they call me if they don’t see me already heading out, as my house is in view of the pool. I follow very simple guidelines; if I see storm clouds, I announce the risks and warn everyone that the pool may be closing. If I hear thunder, I make a show of evacuating the pool and starting a large clock for fifteen minutes; if no risks are shown by the end of the clock, I allow them back in. If rain starts or I see lightning, the pool is closed for the rest of the shift. If there is another shift scheduled later on in the day, I reevaluate the risk then and reopen if necessary.

This particular day, I see lightning at 1:00 pm and the next shift is from 4:00 pm to 8:00 pm. I’ve been assisting the families with packing up their belongings and watching children as their parents get the cars ready while the lifeguard on duty is cleaning up the office and locking up.

I am shouting as families are finishing up packing cars.

Me: “If the storm has stopped by 4:00 pm today, please feel free to come back! If not, please come back any other day and let us know you were here today for a rain check on the admission fee!”

I start filing the admission forms in the rain check binder when a family van drives up and a mom comes running towards me. The lifeguard is returning equipment to the lockers at this time.

Mom: “I want entry for me and three children.”

Me: “Ma’am, I cannot allow you entry while there is a storm active.”

Mom: “Oh, this little thing will blow over. Give us entry.”

Me: “Ma’am, lightning just struck nearby not ten minutes ago.”

Suddenly, some thunder cracks.

Me: “And that’s thunder right there. Even if it wasn’t raining, that means I couldn’t allow you entry. Please do not make an issue of this. It is for the safety of you and your children.”


As if on cue, lightning strikes a tree just outside the pool’s premises. The tree is close enough to the equipment lockers that I hear a shriek and rush over, ignoring this woman, to check on my lifeguard. I find her huddled behind all the lockers, shards of bark embedded in the door of HER locker. I immediately take a picture of that door and help this girl into the office to let her calm down. I then turn to the woman and show her the picture.

Me: “Ma’am, God just tried to kill my lifeguard to stop you from swimming. I don’t know what else to tell you, but the pool is closed and will remain closed until I can get someone to look at that tree.”

I closed the office window in her face and shut the blinds. As the gates were already locked, she could do nothing but try to shout at us, but the wind drowned her out.

When she finally calmed down, I ended up driving the lifeguard to a nearby clinic to have her checked out in case she was hurt. She ended up being fine, but the pool was shut down for two weeks as the lightning strike ended up frying out the filtration system.

The crazy mom? She ended up reporting me every day of the shutdown for not letting her kids into the pool.

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An Unap-peel-ing Punishment

, , , , , , | Working | December 28, 2020

I work as a shift lead at an ice cream shop. We sell banana splits. When making them, we either put on gloves or use the peel to move the banana into place. We are never supposed to touch the banana with our bare hands.

One coworker isn’t the best. On one particular shift, I catch him twice touching the banana with his bare hands. I tell him this after I catch him a third time.

Me: “[Coworker], if I catch you touching the bananas again, I’m going to cut off your fingers.”

I never saw him do that again.

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Where There’s Smoke…

, , , , , | Right | December 27, 2020

I had a fairly late call from security letting me know of a guest they busted smoking in the stairwell. This is a 300-room hotel with ten stories. The guest had been found actively smoking a cigarette on the third-floor landing of the fire escape. There were pictures documenting the incident, and the entire stairway smelled of smoke. The guest owned up to it but wanted to speak with a manager first thing in the morning.

After some review, I found that the guest was with a conference connected to a disorder that caused massive allergies. It was mostly young families trying to cope with and drive research for a cure. Mostly kids are affected, and they literally have to eat special food through a tube because they are so allergic to literally everything.

The guest decided that it was too cold — fifty degrees Fahrenheit — to bother following the state law of smoking outside and smoked in the stairway. So much for the sick kids they put at risk. 

I confronted the guest in the morning and asked why they would put so many families at risk as well as break state law, and the response I got was that the guest smoking in the stairwell causing a fire risk and allergy issue was a retired firefighter and police officer.

When confronted with the danger he put the entire hotel and the very sick families in, his excuse was that he wasn’t affecting his wife who had the illness. The guest proceeded to spit-scream in my face that I wasn’t a firefighter and he was, and therefore, he should be able to smoke where he pleased.

Funnily enough, he changed his tone after I explained the issues and danger to the organizer of the conference.

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Making You Want To Cash Out Early

, , , , , , | Right | November 22, 2020

I work at a small kiosk for public transport doing customer service. We don’t accept cash for safety and security as there’s a flimsy bit of plastic on the front window and there’s only one person on per shift. There’s no protection if someone tried to rob us.

Due to the “no cash” rule, we do have a lot of arguments on a daily basis. What we tell people is that they can use the fare machine on the platform or go to the convenience store down the road.

This particular gentleman isn’t having it.

Me: “Hi, how can I help?”

Customer: “Why don’t they take cash?”

Me: “Sorry? Do you mean the fare machine?”

Customer: “No, here!”

Me: “We don’t take cash for safety and security. We’re so out in the open that anyone could try to rob us.”

Customer: “That’s a load of bull. You should take cash!”

Me: “We have no protection against rob—”

Customer: “That’s no excuse! What about customers that only have cash?!”

Me: “Well, there’s the fare machine on the platform or the [Convenience Store] about a two-minute walk from here.”

Customer: “I don’t know how to use the machine and I’m not going to [Convenience Store]! This is appalling!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t take cash for our security and for our safety.”

Customer: “I don’t see any other stores having that problem! The [Adult Store] down the street takes cash! They have a safe! Get a safe!”

Me: “That won’t help us, though. As I said, we aren’t protected here.”

Customer: “Whoever made that policy should be fired! It’s ridiculous! It’s not about safety and security! It’s making it less work for you to do! Those people should be fired and you should take cash! I pay an extra charge every time I use my card! This is just the worst customer service I’ve ever had! I’m going to file a complaint!”

I’ve worked there for six months and that is the worst I’ve dealt with so far. People just don’t care about our safety. It’s either we’re being inconsiderate or we’re just lazy. I’m considering quitting.

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These Cards Are Just So Hot!

, , , | Working | November 5, 2020

It is my turn reading numbers for the next bingo game. I have just started reading a couple of numbers when someone notices that black smoke is coming from the kitchen on the second floor. I stop reading numbers; I am a bit unsure of how to avoid panic.

Me: “I am so sorry, but we have to take a break for a while. Please, everybody, leave through the emergency exit, because it appears that there is a fire!”

Nobody moves an inch.

Me: *Panicking* “There’s a fire! It’s no drill! It’s actually a fire! You must evacuate the premises!”

Customer: “I have paid five SEK to play bingo!”

Eventually, we managed to get them evacuating the premises just as the firemen arrived.

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