Found Your Calling Quite Late

| Athens, GA, USA | Working | January 12, 2016

(At the store where I work the schedule for Sunday through Saturday is posted in the break room, behind the customer service desk, and to a website all employees can access on the Friday prior to that week. All three schedules say that I am supposed to come in at three on Saturday, and say so for the entire week with no changes. When I show up at three on Saturday, my manager calls me over.)

Manager: “[My Name], why are you coming in so late?”

Me: “Umm, I’m not late. I was supposed to be here at three.”

Manager: “Well, our schedule for today says you were supposed to be here at 10:45. Why didn’t you call and say you were going to be late?”

Me: “Because all the schedules I saw said I was working at 3, and no one told me of any changes.”

Manager: “Well, yes, there weren’t any changes that I know of, but our schedule said 10:45, and it’s your responsibility to call us and tell us if you’re going to be late.”

Me: “But I’m not late!”

Manager: “You still should have called.”

I Literally Just Told You

| Jacksonville, FL, USA | Right | January 11, 2016

(My store hands out this cash coupon where if you spend a certain amount in a previous purchase you get a certain dollar amount off your purchase on a selected weekend in the future. During that weekend if you didn’t receive a cash coupon we send out a regular 15% off your purchase coupon to use. Neither can be combined.)

Customer: “Ugh, how do you know it’s not combinable!?”

Manager: “Well, I’m literate and read the back of the coupon where it says it can’t be combined with any other discount.”

Should Have Taken A Pregnant Pause

| USA | Working | January 10, 2016

(I’m a cashier and normally I’ll try to strike up conversations with my customers. One day, this customer comes in buying a ton of toys, and I ask her what the occasion is.)

Customer: “Oh it’s my daughters’ birthdays!”

Me: “How fun! How old are they turning?”

Customer: “Five and four! It’s a bit of a headache, though, since my daughters’ birthdays are so close together! They’re thirteen months apart!”

(We continue the conversation and transaction pleasantly, but the entire time I’m wondering how thirteen months means that their birthdays could be close. Finally, I get to the end of the transaction.)

Me: “Your total will be [amount]… OHHH I must have misheard you earlier. You said THREE months, didn’t you? Yeah, that must have been a pain to have two daughters three months apart!”

Customer: “….?”

(Other customers in the line are snickering.)

Me: “Let’s… Just forget I said that….. Have a coupon!”

(Retail does stuff to your brain.)

Got This Money-Saving Thing Wrapped

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Right | January 9, 2016

(Our store does complimentary gift wrapping. We are required to ask if the gift is for a man or woman. A man comes up to the register and purchases a gift. He mentioned while looking around earlier that he is a little low on cash.)

Me: “Your total comes to [Price]. Do you need this gift wrapped?”

Customer: “Is it free?”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Customer: “Then yes.”

Me: “Is it for a man or woman?”

Customer: “Why, would it be $0.70 cheaper if it was for a woman?”

(I almost dropped his purchase I was laughing so hard. I gave him a 10% discount for making my day!)

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They’re Nutso Different

, | Charlevoix, MI, USA | Right | January 7, 2016

(I work in a fudge shop during tourist season. All the types of fudge are in a large display that takes up the entire length of the room, separating the workers from the customers.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am. Welcome to [Company]. How can I help you?”

Customer: *stares blankly at the display* “…What are those two there?” *points vaguely at two types of fudge*

Me: “This one on the left is walnut fudge, and the other on the right is cashew.”

Customer: “Oh… Well, what’s the difference between walnut and cashew fudge?”

Me: *dumbfounded* “Um… one has walnuts… and the other has cashews?”

Customer: “Oh. Well I don’t like nuts. Can I get this one instead?” *points to a display peanut butter fudge*

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