An Oily Customer Slips Right Out

| Australia | Right | August 10, 2015

(Our supplier sent us bottles of sewing machine oil that, despite being sealed, turned out to be empty. Because the bottles are small and opaque we didn’t realise this until customers started bringing them back. A customer came into the store with a defective bottle.)

Customer: “I had to drive all the way back to your store because this oil bottle was empty. You have no idea how much inconvenience you’ve caused me.”

Me: “I’m very sorry for the inconvenience, ma’am. I can offer you either a bottle from the new batch or a refund; it’s up to you.”

Customer: *looks at me as if I’ve asked a stupid question* “I’m obviously going to need more oil. I wouldn’t have bought it if I didn’t.”

(I go and fetch a new bottle and place it on the counter.)

Me: “There, you’re good to go. Once again, I’m very sorry for the inconvenience.”

Customer: *looks at me and blinks*  “Aren’t you going to refund me?”

Me: “Oh, you wanted a refund instead of a new bottle?”

Customer: “Yes! Obviously!”

(I process the refund and hand her the receipt.)

Me: “There you go, all done!”

(She snatches the receipt off me. She then picks up the new bottle of machine oil and starts to walk away with it.)

Me: “Ma’am, wait! I gave you a refund; you can’t take the bottle, too!”

Customer: “It’s compensation.”

Me: “What for?”

Customer: “For the inconvenience you caused me by making me come all the way back to your store.”

Me: “Ma’am, you can’t just take that! It’s stealing!”

(She stuck her nose in the air and walked out before anyone could stop her.)

Not Hot Chocolate

| Montreal, ON, Canada | Related | August 6, 2015

(My mum and I are currently shopping at a cosmetics store that happens to have a product called ‘sex and chocolate.’ I show this to my mum.)

Me: *as a joke* “Hey, mum, I might be using this in 30 years or so!”

Mum: “[My Name], you’re 15. For the love of god, I hope you use this sooner!”

Not A Laptop Flop

, | Chicago, IL, USA | Right | August 5, 2015

(I’m a consultant and cashier at a popular electronics store. Most people come into the store to buy laptops and computers, and it’s part of my job to promote our computer repair service on every purchase. It just turned dark and it’s my last customer I have to deal with, who’s buying an expensive laptop. Some kids are playing outside and making a lot of noise.)

Customer: “I don’t really want your protection plan. I’m really careful with my things.”

Me: “Are you sure? We have a discount that reduces that price every year you have it, and it’s not a high price to begin with.”

(After a minute of trying to convince him to buy it, he relents.)

Customer: “Whatever. I’ll get it, I guess.”

(I ring up his purchases, including the protection plan.)

Me: “Thanks for shopping at [Store], and have a nice day!”

Customer: “Yeah, you too—”

(Out of nowhere, a few of the kids playing outside bump into him and knock his things to the ground, including his laptop. I can hear some shattering noises from all the way from my station. The customer looks into the box he had his laptop in and everything in it is completely broken. He looks straight at me blankly and amused.)

Customer: “Good thing I got that protection plan!”

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No One Is The Deep Voice Of Reason

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | Working | August 4, 2015

(I’m spending some time at my parents’ place. My sister is there too, and she invited her friend over.)

Sister’s Friend: “Hey, [My Name], can you do me a favor?”

Me: “Sure, what is it?”

(My sister’s friend hands me her phone.)

Sister’s Friend: “Can you call in sick for me? My manager’s name is [Manager]; just pretend that you’re me.”

Me: “Uh, okay.”

(I dial the number to my sister’s friend’s workplace, and get a hold of the manager. It’s worth noting that my sister’s friend is a 17-year old girl, while I’m a 23-year old man. so it’s readily obvious that I sound nothing like her.)

Manager: “Hello?”

Me: “Hey [Manager], it’s [Sister’s Friend].”

Manager: “Why do you sound like that? Are you using a voice changer?”

Me: “No, dude, it’s really me. Look, I can’t come into work right now. I’m feeling really ill.”

Manager: “No s***, you can’t come in; not if you sound like that! Get some rest and I’ll see you next week. If you need some more time off, then call me again. I swear, you sound just like a man!”

(I soon hang up, and my sister and her friend are in tears from laughter. I explain the situation to my sister’s friend.)

Sister’s Friend: “I didn’t expect it to work that well! I only wanted today off, not the rest of the week!”

(That was probably the most dishonest thing I’ve ever done to a manager, but at least it wasn’t my job on the line!)

Louisiana = LA

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Working | August 3, 2015

(I’m told I have a pretty thick Northern California accent, though I personally can’t hear it. I am visiting LA, which is only a few hours south of my hometown.)

Me: “Excuse me, how much is this item?”

Cashier: “Those are 14.99. Hey, you’ve got an accent! Where are you from?”

Me: *thinking it was obvious it was his own state* “One guess.”

Cashier: “Hmm… sounds like… New Orleans?”

(I still don’t know where he got that answer.)

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