(I and others overhear this conversation between an employee and a customer.)

Employee: “Hello, how may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I would like to return this.” (Heaves a large propane tank, the kind used for barbecue grills, onto the counter.)

Employee: “Why?”

Customer: “It’s leaking.”

(At this point, all within earshot — four managers, the employee, three other employees, I, and two other customers — slowly turned our heads towards the leaking tank, careful not to make any sudden movements.)

Customer: “Hi, I have my car down the loading dock and I’m parked where it says to park, but there’s no button to call your store or anything down there.”

Me: “No, there’s not because the elevator is shared with three levels of stores. We don’t own it; the mall does. You have to call us when you’re there.”

Customer: “How do I call? There’s no button.”

Me: “With your cellphone…”

Customer: “Oh, pfft, I never bring a cellphone with me.”

Me: “But didn’t you just call? How did you call earlier?”

Customer: “With a cellphone!” *looking at me like I’m stupid*

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store #1]. How may I direct your call?”

Customer: “Lumber, please.”

Me: “Sir, we do not have a lumber department.”

Customer: “Yes, you do. I was just in there and I bought four boxes of roof shingles.”

Me: “Sir, I think you have us mistaken for [Store #2].”

Customer: “Don’t correct me. I know where I just left from buying roof shingles.”

Me: “Sir, we do not now nor have we ever sold roof shingles.”

Customer: “I have my receipt right here. It says [Store #2].”

Me: “That’s fine sir, but this is [Store #1], not [Store #2].”

Customer: “Let me speak to your manager!”

(After another 30 minutes of arguing with my manager we just transferred him to hardware so he could yell at them for not selling shingles.)

Customer: “Do you guys do price matching?”

Me: “Yes, we do.”

Customer: “Okay, well Wal-Mart has this vacuum on sale for $27.99 and you have it on for $34.99. Will you match that?”

Me: “Yes, that’s no problem. I just need to see a copy of the Wal-Mart flyer with that vacuum.”

Customer: “You don’t have the flyer?”

Me: “…No. We don’t carry Wal-Mart’s flyer.”

Customer: “You want me to drive all the way home to get Wal-Mart’s flyer and come all the way back here? Are you sure you don’t have it here?”

Me: “No, we don’t have Wal-Mart’s flyer.”

Customer: *angrily* “Well, you SHOULD! Jesus Christ, do I have to do everything?”

(Customer mutters and walks away.)

This story is part of our Lazy Customers roundup!

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(This one came from my manager. A customer called Target and asked about a jacket that was on sale.)

Customer (very snooty): “Hello, I would like to know if you have any Corbin Wells jackets in stock.”

My Manager: “Corbin Wells? I don’t think we sell that brand.”

Customer (getting angry): “Well, it’s on page ten in your ad!”

My Manager: “Let me see.” *she turns to page ten* “Ma’am, page ten is electronics.”

Customer (extremely angry): “You DO have the ad in front of you, don’t you?”

My manager: “Yes, I have the TARGET ad in front of me.”

Customer: “Oh, Target? That’s not the ad I’m looking at.”

My manager: “What ad are you looking at, ma’am?”

Customer (still snooty): “Kohl’s.” *click*