The Contrarian Librarian: The Childhood Years

, , , , , | Friendly | March 19, 2019

(My university has a lot of young parents attending. There are five or six private rooms in the library that kids aren’t supposed to be in, as there are a crèche and tonnes of other rooms, but my library is PACKED today. I see a woman come in with her little girl who is maybe four or five and I internally groan, thinking I’m going to lose out on a couple of hours of study. The woman sets her little girl up on the chair next to her with a little unicorn lunchbox and an iPad, plugging in some headphones for her. The little girl happily watches a show on the iPad, munches on some snacks, and grins at me when I glance over at her once, mostly to see if she is still there because she hasn’t made a single peep. I can’t help but smile back. She is honestly the quietest person in the whole room. Her mother works on her laptop for about an hour and starts packing up around the same time I do. I walk over to their table as I leave.)

Me: “Excuse me, miss?”

Girl’s Mother: *seemingly uneasy* “Yes?”

Me: “Can I just say you’ve got an awesome kid? I’ve never seen a kid her age behave that well for that long.”

(The mum smiles and thanks me, saying her partner was called into work and couldn’t watch their daughter and she was worried someone would tell them off for being in the kid-free room. The little girl suddenly takes off her headphones and says in a very loud whisper:)

Girl: “Hey, Mummy! We don’t talk in the library! Shh!”

(The mum and I burst out laughing. This kid had a better grasp of library rules than most adults. Way to raise a h*** of a kid, random university lady!)

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Can’t Make A Name For Yourself

, , , , , , | Right | March 14, 2019

(I work in a food court. Someone in a different store has the same name as me, and we often work the same shift. We look nothing alike.)

Me: “Hi. What can I help you with today!?”

Customer: *noticing my name tag* “Hey, that girl over there has your name!”

Me: “Yep, she sure does.”

Customer: “You’ve got the same name! Are you sisters?”

Me: *after a pause* “Yes, our parents gave us the exact same name.”

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The New Credit Card On The Market Is Do It Yourself

, , , | Right | January 28, 2019

(I’m waiting for my husband to pump gas at a popular self-serve gas station. I don’t have the best eyesight and being bored I look at a sign across the lane. The title reads: Self Serve.)

Me: *reading* “Do it yourself. Ask management.”

(I look for a closer version of the sign to see what it says.)

Sign: “Debit, Visa, and Mastercard only…”

(Maybe it’s a good thing I don’t drive anymore.)

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Unfiltered Story #137103

, , , | Unfiltered | January 22, 2019

(I work as a party host for children. I’m a nineteen year old girl, and this conversation comes up frequently. However, this one takes the cake!)

Two ten year old boys (While I was cutting the cake): You have to kiss the closest boy!
Me: Nope. That’s illegal.
Them: No it isn’t.
Me: Yup. It violates my Blue Card. I’m not allowed to kiss anyone under the age of eighteen.
*Father of kids confirms this*
Them: Well, he’s over eighteen, could you kiss him? *indicating the dad*
Dad: I think my wife would disagree.
Me: And my boyfriend would too.
*One boy loses interest. The other is quiet for a few minutes.*
Boy: You have a boyfriend?
Me: Yes…
Boy: When are you going to marry him?
*Said at the same time*
Me: Not anytime soon, trust me!
Dad: Jeez, let the girl graduate uni first!

Unfiltered Story #136696

, , | Unfiltered | January 16, 2019

(I work in the dry cleaning industry for one of the biggest companies in Australia. I have been exposed to the industry since I was five through my mother and grandfather. A customer comes in today with a pile of tops all saying “Cold hand wash only. No machine wash. No dry-clean” I go to explain this to the customer…)

Customer: “No! That’s not right. I’ve been coming here for years and they always clean my things. Where’s the girl who is usually here?”

Me: “She left to focus on studies.”

Customer: “Shame. She at least knew what she was doing.”