Putting Out Non-Existent Fires

, , , , , , | | Working | June 20, 2019

(I am at the head office today. We manage an outlying clinic, open two days a week, that is due for a fire safety check. It’s late in the afternoon when I answer the phone.)

Fire Safety Rep: “Yeah, I’m at your clinic to do the check and no one’s here!”

Me: “I’m sorry, where are you calling from?”

Fire Safety Rep: “I’m here at your clinic to do your fire safety check and there’s no one here! Our office was told you’d be here on Tuesdays and Thursdays, your sign at the front says you are open Tuesdays and Thursdays, and I’m here waiting and ready and there’s no one here!

Me: “Today’s Wednesday.”

Fire Safety Rep: “Oh, s***!” *hangs up*

What A Day!

, , , , , | | Right | June 10, 2019

I am working in a vet clinic one morning and a client comes in with her cat for an appointment. I look down at the book and notice her appointment is actually for the following day, Saturday. I mention this to the client and the blood drains from her face as she proceeds to yell, “Oh, s***, y’all! I’m supposed to be at work!”

The client had somehow gotten an entire day ahead in her own mind. She came back the following day on her actual appointment day and told us that, thankfully, her boss just laughed the whole thing off!

We All Need A Daylight Savings Week

, , , , , | Learning | April 11, 2019

(I’m in class at 2:27 pm, and my teacher is giving a test. It’s almost over.)

Teacher: “Right, you have ten more minutes.”

(He writes 1:27 on the board plus 10 equals 1:37.)

Classmate: “It’s 2, not 1.”

(The teacher looks at her and then at the board, sighs, and fixes his mistake.)

Classmate: “Daylight savings time, remember?”

Teacher: “Did that happen this week?”

(Later, he is explaining his two extra credit assignments, which are to go to events and write quick papers about them.)

Teacher: “This one is happening tomorrow, March 27th. This one is happening this Friday, April 5th.”

Class: “That’s next Friday.”

Teacher: *looks at them and then looks closer at the date* “Oh, it’s next week. I’m an hour behind and a week behind!”

On The Midnight Train Going Anywhere

, , , , , | Right | April 9, 2019

(At the station where I work, trains stop running earlier on Saturday nights than on other days. One train line runs from the upper level of the station, and when the service has finished, we pull tapes across the escalators to stop people going up. I’ve just done this and am about to walk away when someone tries to undo the tape on the escalator.)

Me: “Excuse me, sir, that area is closed. There are no more trains from those platforms.”

Customer: “Yes, there are. We’ve got tickets for the 23:15 train to [City about two hours away].”

Me: “I’m afraid there isn’t a 23:15, sir. The last train to [City] left about ten minutes ago.”

(The customer pulls his phone out of his pocket and thrusts it in my face.)

Customer: *with a very smug smile* “Well, here’s my confirmation! Two tickets on the 23:15 to [City]!”

Me: “You’re quite right, sir; that is what it says. The 23:15 to [City]… on Friday. Today is Saturday.”

(There is a moment’s silence while the customer and his partner digest this information.)

Customer’s Partner: “WHAT HAVE YOU DONE, YOU IDIOT?! HOW HAVE YOU BOOKED FOR THE WRONG DAY?! WHAT ABOUT THE HOTEL?! NOT THAT THAT MATTERS NOW THAT WE CAN’T GET THERE!”

(I decide to withdraw and let them sort it out between themselves. About ten minutes later, the customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Um… excuse me? I’m really sorry about earlier. Er… are there any hotels nearby?”

It’s Going To Be A Long Week That Lasts Two Months

, , , , | Healthy | April 8, 2019

(It is currently the beginning of April and this patient needs an appointment.)

Me: “Our next available is mid-June.”

Patient: “Okay, go ahead and schedule me for next Thursday.”

Me: “Our next available is mid-June.”

Patient: “I can’t schedule now; just schedule me for next Thursday.”

Me: “If you can’t schedule right now, that’s fine, but we are booking out until mid-June.”

Patient: “Okay, I’ll call back and schedule for next Thursday.”

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