A Time-Landlord

, , , , , | Working | May 28, 2020

My partner and I are looking to move into our first apartment. I call a listing for an apartment that doesn’t fit all of our needs but is cheap and decent enough to at least look at. Please note that it is the middle of July.

Me: “Hello, I’m calling to find out if your one-bedroom, one-bathroom unit at [Location] is still available?”

Landlord: “October 4th.”

Me: “Um… what?”

Landlord: “October 4th.”

Me: “Oh, it’s not available until October 4th?”

Landlord: “We are in the month of October, ma’am.”

I’m totally confused and too shy to press the issue.

Me: “I… Okay. Thank you.”

Landlord: “You’re very welcome.”

I hung up. I don’t know what happened there, but I decided I did not want a landlord that either I couldn’t communicate with, or who existed two months ahead of me at all times.

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Mayday! Our Calendar Is All Wrong!

, , , , , , | Romantic | May 16, 2020

My husband looks over at me and says, “It’s May 1st. Does that mean it’s April Fools Day?”

I can’t quite believe he said that, but I reply with, “Well, maybe for you.”

Then, the lights come on for him. “Oops.”

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Time Travelling Is No Fun In The Real World

, , , , , | Healthy | April 20, 2020

I work as a cashier at a department store. This elderly couple comes up to the register. They’re regulars and also happen to be the grandparents of my Person In Charge.

The woman writes a check, like she always does, and hands it to me when she’s finished. I do a quick once-over but then notice something strange. The date she has just written is wrong. And I don’t mean, oh, she put last month or the wrong day on. We are in August of 2018 and the date she wrote was December 13th… 1947. I have her correct it and off she goes.

I call my PIC over to my register.

Me: “Um, [PIC], I need to tell you something. Your grandma came through my line and wrote a check but she got the date wrong. Like… really really wrong.”

I pull the check out and show it to him.

Me: “I think you need to take her to the doctor as soon as possible. My brother is a fireman and I’ve heard of things like this happening. I don’t think it’s life-threatening at the moment; she seemed fine aside from the date. But something is wrong.”

The next day, he took her to the doctor to get checked out. It turned out she’d had a small stroke and had the onset of dementia.

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Washing Your Hands Of This Date

, , , , , | Romantic | January 18, 2020

(I’m a waiter at a fancy restaurant.)

Customer: “Excuse me, sir, are those ‘must wash hands’ signs only for the employees?”

Me: “Yes, sir. By law, we must wash our hands to prevent contamination.”

Customer’s Date: *looks disgusted, gets up, and leaves*

Customer: *plays on his phone for thirty minutes, then throws money on the table and leaves*

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Black Friday So Popular It Now Starts On A Tuesday

, , , , , | Right | October 18, 2019

I am the customer. It is the day after I turned 54. Late on the evening of my birthday, I fell over an uneven sidewalk, resulting in scrapes and bruises. While I did not hit my head, I think trauma from the fall is my only excuse for what happened here.

As I’m checking out, I notice a sign about how age 55 and over get a discount on the first Tuesday of the month and comment that in a year, I’ll have to start shopping on Tuesday. The cashier mentions that, during the holidays, the discount is every Tuesday. My response: “That’ll be especially good in years when Black Friday falls on a Tuesday!” 

Maybe I was thinking of the day after Christmas?

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