Needs A Tint And A Time Machine

, , , , | Right | July 19, 2021

I work at a small family-owned business that tints car and office windows. I am fairly new and still getting the hang of checking customers in. A guy walks in at 9:15 on September 15th.

Customer: “Hello, I need to drop off my car; I have an appointment.”

Me: “Good morning, let me get the sche—”

Customer: “Well, I might have an appointment.”

Me: *Confused* “Okay.”

I check the calendar and see we are tinting a house today — no cars at all for the next five days.

Me: “Um, sir, I am sorry, but who did you speak to?”

Customer: “A woman.”

Me: “Okay, well, we are tinting a house this week. Did they say they would squeeze you in today? Perhaps they forgot to leave me a note.”

Customer: *Frowning* “Well, check another day, then!”

Me: “Okay, what kind of car do you have?”

We list everything by year, make, and model.

Customer: “A truck.”

Here we go.

Me: “Okay, year, make, and model?”

Customer: *Huge sigh* “It’s a two thousand and three Ford. Can you hurry this up?”

I desperately look and cannot find this truck on any days for the next two weeks, so I type in 2003 into the search bar. Lo and behold, there he is. His appointment was one month ago.

Me: “Sir, your appointment was on August 19th.”

Customer:Well, fine! I guess I’ll just take my business somewhere else that can get this done when I need it.”

He stomped out the door as I called after him. When I told my bosses, they just rolled their eyes and sighed. Can’t please everyone.

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1980 Was Twenty Years Ago And That’s What We’re Sticking With

, , , , | Right | June 12, 2021

Me: “Thank you for calling [Mortgage Company]. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I just have a simple question for you. I would like to know when my loan will be paid off.”

Me: “Certainly, ma’am, I can definitely take a look into when your loan should be paid off.”

I collect the necessary info to pull up her loan.

Me: “Okay, ma’am, I have your loan pulled up here in front of me and it looks like your projected maturity date is October 2040, which is wonderful considering it was originally 2042; you’ve shortened it two years!”

Customer:What?! How can it be 2040?! This is a thirty-year loan! How do I still have thirty years?!”

Me: *Slightly confused* “Yes, ma’am, you do have a thirty-year loan. It was opened in 2012. It is now 2020. You have paid ten years off your loan so far.”

Customer: “2040 is in thirty years! You guys are scamming me! Something is not right and I’m very upset. Someone will fix this right now!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry that you are upset, but 2040 is in twenty years, and you are right on track on paying off your loan, even paid ahead.”

Customer: “What are you talking about?! What year is it, then, huh? Do you not know math? What year is it?” 

Me: “It’s 2020, ma’am.”

There’s an awkward silence, and I assume she is now doing the math.

Customer: “Oh. Oh, you’re right. Well, good.”

Me: “Any other concerns I can address for you today?” 

Customer: “No.” *Quickly hangs up*

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What You Manifest Will Come To Be

, , , , , , , | Working | May 13, 2021

My dad had a very superstitious employee. Every Friday the thirteenth, this employee would call in sick. Finally, my dad had enough of this and told the employee that if he called in sick like this again he would be fired.

The next Friday the thirteenth was a very foggy morning. The employee usually would come in before dawn. The office was at the end of a service road with only a ditch past it. When the employee came to work that Friday, he drove past the office and ended up in that ditch. After that, my dad told him he could take personal days from then on.

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When We Say Tonight We Meant “A” Night

, , , , , | Right | April 30, 2021

It’s our first time in the US, and my fiancé and I, both Swedish, see that they are selling tickets for the Tonight Show. We happily approach the ticket booth.

Me: “Two tickets for tomorrow, please.”

The ticket booth lady just stares at me.

Me: “Or are you sold out? It says on your screen that you are selling tickets for [Show].”

Ticket Booth Lady: “In May. The show is in May.”

Me: “2019-12-05, that’s December. Oh! Right, you guys write it in the wrong way!”

The look I got from the lady was NOT a kind one.

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Quick! Write That Down!

, , , , | Romantic | April 28, 2021

My girlfriend and I are coming home after double-dating with one of our friends and we’re commenting on their relationship. The friends had a pretty big fight about when their anniversary was. We joke about the fact that we never remember when we met all the time and would never fly off the handle like that.

Me: “Babe, when is our anniversary?”

My girlfriend gives me a deer-in-headlights look.

Girlfriend: “Sometime in… May?”

Me: “Really? I thought it was sometime in September.”

Girlfriend: “Crap. There has to be a way to figure this out, right?”

Me: “What movie did we see before we started dating? That will help.”

Girlfriend: “Were we together when The Avengers came out, or was it The Hobbit?”

Me: “Uhh, we saw the last Hobbit together, right?”

Girlfriend: “But we were together before that, so November?”

Me: “That doesn’t sound right.”

Girlfriend: “I know… Shoot, I know your birthday and you know mine. You know what? I know how to solve this.”

She walks into our spare room and comes out with our year calendar and the darts from the dartboard.

Girlfriend: “All right, I’m going to throw a dart and whatever day it lands on is our anniversary.”

Me: “Sounds fair enough.”

She throws a dart and then goes and looks at it and starts cracking up.

Me: “What date did it land on?”

Girlfriend: “TODAY!”

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