When We Say Tonight We Meant “A” Night

, , , , , | Right | April 30, 2021

It’s our first time in the US, and my fiancé and I, both Swedish, see that they are selling tickets for the Tonight Show. We happily approach the ticket booth.

Me: “Two tickets for tomorrow, please.”

The ticket booth lady just stares at me.

Me: “Or are you sold out? It says on your screen that you are selling tickets for [Show].”

Ticket Booth Lady: “In May. The show is in May.”

Me: “2019-12-05, that’s December. Oh! Right, you guys write it in the wrong way!”

The look I got from the lady was NOT a kind one.

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Quick! Write That Down!

, , , , | Romantic | April 28, 2021

My girlfriend and I are coming home after double-dating with one of our friends and we’re commenting on their relationship. The friends had a pretty big fight about when their anniversary was. We joke about the fact that we never remember when we met all the time and would never fly off the handle like that.

Me: “Babe, when is our anniversary?”

My girlfriend gives me a deer-in-headlights look.

Girlfriend: “Sometime in… May?”

Me: “Really? I thought it was sometime in September.”

Girlfriend: “Crap. There has to be a way to figure this out, right?”

Me: “What movie did we see before we started dating? That will help.”

Girlfriend: “Were we together when The Avengers came out, or was it The Hobbit?”

Me: “Uhh, we saw the last Hobbit together, right?”

Girlfriend: “But we were together before that, so November?”

Me: “That doesn’t sound right.”

Girlfriend: “I know… Shoot, I know your birthday and you know mine. You know what? I know how to solve this.”

She walks into our spare room and comes out with our year calendar and the darts from the dartboard.

Girlfriend: “All right, I’m going to throw a dart and whatever day it lands on is our anniversary.”

Me: “Sounds fair enough.”

She throws a dart and then goes and looks at it and starts cracking up.

Me: “What date did it land on?”

Girlfriend: “TODAY!”

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Will Be Explaining For Days

, , , , , , | Working | March 19, 2021

I have been offered a new full-time role working overnight at another location run by my boss. I have a regular Monday-to-Friday roster, starting at midnight each night. It’s the start of my second week when I arrive at work at 11:30 on Sunday night, only to have the store manager ask me why I am there.

Me: “I’m rostered to start work at midnight.”

Store Manager: “No, you’re not rostered. I had to bring someone else in because you weren’t rostered on tonight.”

Me: “I am on the roster to start at midnight.”

Store Manager: “No, you are rostered to start at midnight Monday night.”

Me: “Can I check on the roster?” 

Store Manager: “No, I can’t get online to access it at the moment.”

I leave, confused because I was told by the franchisee that I would be working Monday to Friday. I check the roster when I get back home and see that I am rostered from 00:00 am to 8:00 am Monday. I call the store manager to let him know.

Store Manager: “Yes, I know you are working from midnight on Monday, but that’s tomorrow; it’s Sunday tonight.”

Me: “But it’s Monday from midnight tonight.”

Store Manager: “No, it’s Sunday night.”

All I could do was call my boss in the morning to ask him to explain to the store manager how days work.

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Now We’re Even More Confused

, , , | Right | February 19, 2021

A customer drops off a prescription, but it doesn’t have a date of birth on it.

Me: “Have you ever dropped off here before?”

Customer: “No, it’s my first time.”

Me: “Okay, can I get the patient’s date of birth?”

Customer: “Yes, it’s 1-23-20.”

Me: “Okay, so January 23, 1920?”

Customer: “Yes, it’s for my grandson.”

Me: “Okay… So the year is 1920?”

Customer: *Agitated* “Yes! 19!”

Me: “Ma’am, this year is 2019.”

Customer: “Yes, I know what year it is!”

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A Stroke Of Brilliance

, , , , , | Healthy | February 2, 2021

After a transient event, I end up being investigated for stroke. I receive a letter from the neurology department about my next appointment. 

Letter: “Unfortunately, we have had to change your outpatient clinic appointment. It was previously scheduled for 16 May at 15:00. We are very sorry we had to do this. Your new appointment is: Date: 16 May, Time: 15:00.”

And they are investigating ME for a stroke? 

Seriously, it’s a good thing I hadn’t had one. I don’t know how someone struggling with a cognitive deficit might deal with this.

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