Caller: “Hi, I’d like to order a pizza.”

Me: “Sir, you’ve called an opticians.”

Caller: “But this is the number of [Pizza Place].”

Me: “I promise you that you’ve called an opticians.”

Caller: “But this is the number on the flyer.”

There’s a pause and the sound of rustling paper.

Caller: “Oh, I got the numbers wrong. Hmm, what’s your address? Maybe I need to come see you as well…”

I have the last appointment of the day with my optometrist. After the exam, I let her know I would like to get new glasses since it’s been a few years (I wear contacts most of the time).

Doctor: “Go ahead and start looking at frames. I just need to finish putting this information into the computer, and I’ll be out in a minute to help you pick some out. I know how much trouble you have finding frames you like.”

I leave the exam room and go to the reception room to start browsing frames. A couple, a man and a woman, are in front of the display cases, trying on various frames. I assume they were the previous patients, and they’re just taking a really long time to find frames (I can relate). The area is really small, so I just hang back, waiting for them to finish up, since there isn’t room for me to shove my way in there. The doctor comes out of the exam room and looks surprised to see me just standing there.

Doctor: “Did you already find frames? That was fast!”

Me: “Oh, no, I was just waiting.” *Gestures to couple.*

Doctor: *Does a double-take and walks over to them.* “Can I help you?”

Man: “Oh, no, we’re just browsing, thank you.”

Doctor: “You’ll need to make an appointment to get glasses. Would you like my receptionist to help you with checking your insurance and booking a time?”

Woman: “We already have prescriptions; we just wanted to see what kind of frames you offer.”

The doctor looks at me a bit helplessly, and I just half-shrug. I’m more amused than anything else. I’ve worn glasses for almost forty years at this point, and it never occurred to me that I could just wander into random optometry offices to browse frames.

Doctor: “You’ll still need an appointment for me to fit your frames.”

Woman: “I know. We just don’t even know if we want to buy our frames from you yet. That’s why we’re looking.”

My doctor unceremoniously shoves her way in between them and starts pulling out frames and handing them to me.

Doctor: “Here, try these on [My Name].”

I did find a pair I liked, and she was able to get everything she needed from me. When I left about half an hour later, the couple was still browsing. I have no idea why it was taking them so long, since she only stocks a few dozen frames. I really hope she was able to get them out so she could close on time!

I work as an optician, and quite recently had a patient come in for a check-up at the optometrist. After the test:

Me: “Sir, have you been with us before?”

Patient: “Nah. I’m a truck driver, so I need to get my eyes checked every once in a while.”

Me: “Oh, well, it’s just that your eyesight is about -3.50 in the left… and -8.00 in the right.”

Those who wear glasses know that this is bad news.

Patient: *Shrugged.* “Ah! It is what it is. Been working as a truck driver with this vision, and I see great! Now just sign this to say I’ve had my eye test and we’re all good.”

He doesn’t wear glasses. I signed his form, which also allows me to enter the test results, which I sincerely hope someone in his company sees and knows what to do about it.

My colleagues and I thought about asking for his work schedule to know on which days we shouldn’t leave the house…

I was helping my four-year-old daughter choose glasses with the sales assistant. She has a high prescription (so thick lenses), which means a limited range was available.

Sales Assistant: “I think she needs glasses that are more symmetrical.”

Me: “But… These are all symmetrical?”

Sales Assistant: “No, these ones are more symmetrical than those ones.”

Me: *Absolutely baffled.* “They are all symmetrical? Aren’t they?”

Sales Assistant: *Getting angry.* “No, these are symmetrical and those aren’t.”

Me: “I don’t understand; what does symmetrical mean in this context?”

Sales Assistant: *Waves her hands in circle motions.* “Like this!”

Me: “Do you… Do you mean circular?”

Sales Assistant: “I use the word symmetrical.”

Me: “But it means something entirely different, though?”

Sales Assistant: *Furious.* “Well, I use it to mean that, and I can use words how I want!”

Me: “Er. Okay. Is there someone else who can help us, maybe?”

My mom is excited to finally see her old optician again after years. She gets an appointment, picks out some nice frames, and everything seems smooth… until it isn’t.

Mom: *Trying on her new glasses at pickup.* “Hmm… something’s off. I can’t see right.”

Tech Lady: “Oh, that’s normal. They’re new. You’ll be fine. Give yourself a couple of days to adjust. Progressives take time.”

Mom: “I’ve had progressives before. These feel… wrong.”

Tech Lady: *Smiling.* “Just wear them for a few days.”

Three days later, my mom has splitting headaches and can barely read her phone. She goes back, wearing her old glasses.

Mom: “These aren’t right. I want them checked again.”

Front Desk Lady: “Well, the prescription matches what’s on file. It says right here.”

Mom: “But I can’t see.”

Front Desk Lady: “You can reschedule for another exam, but it wouldn’t be covered; you’d have to pay out of pocket.”

Mom: “I’m not paying extra because your doctor got it wrong.”

The arguing escalates until another optician overhears and comes out of his office.

Second Optician: *Calmly.* “Tell you what, let me re-examine you. No charge. Let’s just get this sorted.”

He sits her down, runs the exam, then compares her old lenses with the new prescription.

Second Optician: *Frowning.* “…Ah. I see the problem. The last doctor transposed the numbers. Mixed up your left and right eyes.”

Mom: “So my whole world’s been backwards for a week?”

Second Optician: “Basically.”

They redo the lenses free of charge, but the whole ordeal drags out for six weeks before she finally has working glasses. By then, she’s had enough.

Mom: *Handing back the final pair, saying as she leaves.* “Glad I can see again. Just won’t be seeing you people ever again.”