A Nose For Violence

, , , , , , | Learning | May 4, 2019

(It’s cold and flu season. Unfortunately, not everyone at my university has the sense to stay home when they’re sick.)

Classmate: “If [Student] blows his nose in the middle of an important sentence one more time, I’m going to break it!”

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We’re Sure Magic Mike Tastes Just Fine, Too

, , , , , | Right | May 3, 2019

(I work in a confectionery store, and in no way do we sell anything to do with “Magic Mike.” An older man has come into the store with a look of determination. He turns this way and that until he throws his arms up and approaches me.)

Customer: “Hey…” *thinks for a moment* “Magic Mike! They’re just so delicious I can’t stop craving them.”

Me: *cough* “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Magic Mikes, do you have them?”

Me: “Magic Mike… I… What? I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Oh, come on! I’ve been thinking about them all week; please don’t tell me they’re not here.”

Me: “I’m sorry, are you sure they’re called Magic Mikes?”

Customer: “Yeah, of course, they’re called Mag—“ *sudden realisation* “Oh… Mike and Ikes… Yeah… I’m after Mike and Ikes.”

Me: “That I can get you; I agree they are delicious!”

Customer: “Heh… yeah…”

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April Fools: Holiday Special

, , , , | Right | April 1, 2019

(It’s April.)

Customer: “Do you have those Christmas tree ones you had a while ago?”

Me: “No, we only have those around Christmas.”

Customer: “When will you have them back?”

Me: “December.”

Customer: “Oh. Why don’t you have them all the time?”

Me: “Because you’re literally the only person since Christmas to ask for them.”

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They’re Not Cut From The Same Watermelon

, , , , | Working | March 26, 2019

(This happens with almost every new employee in registers. Like most fruit, we sell watermelon by the kilo. The picture on the system is a quarter of a watermelon, and it’s listed as a “watermelon cut.”)

New Employee: *trying to ring through an entire watermelon* “Where are full watermelons on here? I can only find watermelon cuts.”

Me: “Just do watermelon cuts. It’s the same price. They’re sold by the kilo.”

New Employee: “But that doesn’t make any sense. Shouldn’t the full watermelon be more per kilo than the cut? Why would a full watermelon be the same price as cut watermelon?”

Me: *dies inside a little*

(Eventually, they added a full watermelon to the system that had exactly the same price as the cut. We stopped having this problem after that.)

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Not Such A Sour Story

, , , , , | Hopeless | March 20, 2019

I’m at work in a lolly shop in Australia by myself; it’s a small shop. It’s a slow, boring day and I’m in a dreadful mood from customers being rude to me all day.

As I’m restocking some shelves, three American tourists come in and just start a casual conversation with me while they browse. They’re really nice and actually interested in what I have to say.

Eventually, a tall guy in the group asks me what my two favourite lollies are. I point out a caramel bar from the UK and a tin of cinnamon mints from America. He grabs both and buys them. After the purchase has gone through, he looks at me with a smile and says, “A gift for you. Bless you.”

I thank him but refuse; I say if he’d like he should pass the candies on to someone else who may enjoy it more.

They stick around for a bit longer, telling me what the similarities are like between Florida and Queensland, and since they’ve brightened my mood I buy them a five-pack of our most sour lollies in the store as a thank-you.

They may have travelled over 15,000 km to get here and only stuck around for ten minutes, but I’m glad they showed me it’s not all horrible working retail.

Faith in humanity slightly restored.

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