I live in a different country from my family and we keep contact online. I call my mother to ask what my teenage sister might want for her birthday and the conversation starts going places. Keep in mind that this is in the middle of the global health crisis.

Mother: “My friend [Friend] visited recently; we went to the beach. It was fully packed! But we had a great time.”

Me: “Okay, glad to hear that you did.”

Mother: “Plane tickets are crazy cheap right now. Are you sure you won’t be coming home?”

I am annoyed at this question for several reasons. First, it’s not home anymore; I live somewhere else now. Second, I have two chronic illnesses, one of which is asthma, and the second ensures that I have a difficult time recovering from any illness, including the common cold. To put it on simply, I cannot afford to contract the disease that shall not be named.

Me: “Nope, not flying anywhere this year.”

Mother: “But why not? Are you afraid?”

Me: “Of course I am! I don’t love the idea of sitting in a packed plane for two hours while all this is going on, so I won’t be doing it. Not in the middle of a disease outbreak.”

My mother then starts “explaining” that not everyone dies of the disease in question, that it’s no worse than a common flu, and that the crisis isn’t real, ignoring official facts because she “doesn’t trust the media.”

Mother: “…anyway, only people with underlying health conditions have to worry about it. All of us can go about our lives as usual.”

Did I mention that I have asthma?

Me: “Great for you. I have to hang up now.”

Something tells me I won’t be visiting even when the crisis is under control.

My father retired from his job several years ago but still does odd jobs on the side for friends and friends-of-friends. Every couple of weeks or so, he cleans the parking lot at a deli in the next town over. One summer, he’s been having some shoulder pain and asks me to come along and help him to lighten the load. As we are driving, he tosses an empty cigarette pack out the window.

Me: “Dad, you shouldn’t litter.”

Dad: “Don’t worry about it. I’m keepin’ the guys who clean up the streets in business, right?”

After we’ve arrived and started cleaning the parking lot, he grumbles about there being more trash than usual and how the people are too lazy to throw their stuff away in the nearby garbage can.

Me: “Well, they’re keeping you in business, right?”

He just rolled his eyes at me. Unfortunately, he’s still something of a litterbug and refuses to see the flaw in his logic. Sorry, Mother Nature!

I’m changing a mannequin when I get called away to help some customers. I leave the mannequin half-dressed and lying sideways on the pedestal.

As I’m coming back to finish the job, a woman comes into my section with her small children. One of the kids sees the mannequin and instantly looks upset.

Child: *Voice wobbling* “Who did this?”

Me: “Oh, don’t worry, sweetie! I’m just giving her some new clothes; that’s a—”

Mom: *Angrily, pointing at me* “SHE did this!”

They both glared at me and stormed off. Around twenty minutes later, they were asked to leave for not having masks.

I work in a social services call centre. I am talking to a woman who is on unemployment benefit but can only receive it if she can prove she is looking for employment. It is my last call of the day and I am getting tired.

Caller: “Why was my latest payment rejected?! I have a child to feed!”

Me: “Madam, from the notes, it looks like you have recently rejected four employment offers. Without providing a valid reason, the payments will be on hold.”

Caller: “That’s ridiculous! I couldn’t take any of those jobs as they couldn’t let me look after my son! I need to be there for him!”

Me: “The notes also say that the employers were offering flexible part-time hours; was this not the case?”

Caller: “They’re lying! They’re liars and Jesus will make them burn in Hell for being liars! I need to be here for my son!”

Me: “Madam, I understand, but the fact remains that you cannot receive unemployment benefit without proving that you’re actively seeking employment.”

Caller: “But my son!”

While she is ranting, I quickly check the notes. If her son is young enough, she is allowed certain exemptions and I want to make sure before proceeding. I check the details and sit there for a moment, before double-checking. After triple-checking, I go back to the call.

Me: “Madam, I am afraid a lack of childcare is not a suitable reason for rejecting these employment offers. You will need to—”

Caller: “But my son is—”

Me: “Madam, your son is twenty-two years old! He does not need you to stay home for him.”

Caller: “Then you don’t know my son!”

Me: “Madam, with you as his mother, I have a pretty good idea.”

For those wondering, the son (and mother) didn’t have any disabilities or medical conditions; in fact, he didn’t even live with his mother! I’m usually much more polite on the phone, but when a caller is blatantly abusing the system designed to help those truly in need I lose all patience!

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I’m sitting in the living room with my eighteen-month-old nephew when I hear a thud in the kitchen.

Mom: “OH, MY GOD!”

I start to get up to see what’s wrong when I hear crashing and something glass shattering.

Mom: “WHAT THE H*** IS GOING ON?!”

Thinking she might be hurt, I run to the door and open it. My mom is standing in the middle of the kitchen looking toward a window overlooking the back porch. On one of the shelves of the window is a bird. More specifically, it’s a freaking HAWK. The poor thing is terrified and trying to get out the window, knocking everything off in the process.

My mom, sister — who was in another room getting ready for work — and I aren’t really sure how to get it out of the house. The poor thing keeps trying to go out of the two windows that currently can’t be opened and doesn’t seem to notice the one that my mom opened for it. She considers throwing a quilt over it and carrying it outside, but she doesn’t want to hurt it or for it to hurt her. We call animal control who gives us a number for a wildlife expert and the woman doesn’t answer her phone. Eventually, my mom manages to use a broom to herd it to the window, and it flies off. Fortunately, no one was hurt, not even the hawk.

And how did it get in the kitchen? My mom was getting ready to can food and opened the side door so she could take some water to her canner outside on the covered carport. She was filling a pot up to take outside when she heard a thud and turned to see it by the window. It had apparently been swooping for something and managed to fly through the open outside and hall doors, only to crash into the closed window. We’re not sure what the odds are of this sort of thing happening, but it did.