No Such Thing As A Free Movie

, , , , | Right | February 5, 2018

(I am scanning in some returned movies when a mom and her young son approach with movies to rent. I pull up her account and notice there are about $7 worth of late fees.)

Me: “All right, ma’am, there is a balance on your account. Would you like to take care of all of it today?”

(I think she will, considering she is wearing designer clothes.)

Mother: “What movies were they for?”

(I look them up and tell her that the kids’ movies were all about 13 days late, meaning about $3 for each movie was added as a late fee.)

Mother: “But those were free kids’ movies!”

Me: “Well, yes, it’s free to rent them, but it’s sort of like the library. If they’re late, there’s a charge.”

Mother: *yelling* “NO, THEY WERE FREE. TAKE THAT OFF!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. They were extremely late, so I cannot take the charges off.”

Mother: “Fine! We’re leaving and never coming back!”

Me: *as she’s leaving* “Okay, bye!”

Maybe They Were Too Baked To Notice

, , , , , | Right | January 12, 2018

(A customer comes back with pizza he ordered earlier. This is a take-and-bake pizzeria, which, of course, means they take it home and bake it in their oven.)

Customer: “I want to know who cooked this pizza. It’s cold and nasty!”

Manager: “Um… We don’t cook the pizzas here.”

Customer: “Well, whoever cooked it, it’s cold, and it’s disgusting.”

Manager: “Sir, we don’t cook the pizzas; this is a take-and-bake.”

Customer: “Well, whoever cooked it, it was terrible.”

Making A Blanket Statement About The Rest Of Your Lives

, , , , , , , | Romantic | December 18, 2017

(My boyfriend is a born and raised Hawaiian. Being part of the military, his posts have put him in deserts. As you can imagine, therefore, it doesn’t take much to get him cold. He hasn’t been in Oklahoma for very long, either, so winter nights are always fun. I, on the other hand, get hot way too easily. To keep the bill low, he has elected to keep the AC and heater off and rely on blankets and fans. One night, I wake up shivering, which rarely happens. That’s when I notice all the blankets are bundled at his feet. I’m still groggy, so I pull at the blankets to no avail.)

Me: “Babe. Babe, share.”

Boyfriend: *mumbles something*

Me: “I can’t understand you, and I’m cold. Share the blankets.”

Boyfriend: “They’re for my toes.”

Me: *rolls eyes* “So, we’ll tuck them in again.”

Boyfriend: *turns and looks me in the eye, then speaks in a very stern voice* “This is just the way it has to be now.”

(He then turned back around and went back to snoring. I finally managed to wrangle the blankets from him, doing my best to not laugh too loudly. He doesn’t remember ever saying that, and I don’t intend to let him live it down any time soon.)

Prioritize Yourself

, , , , , , | Hopeless | September 26, 2017

I suffer from many disabilities, including one that causes debilitating chronic pain. I was having an awful day. I was told by an office they couldn’t hire me because I was a liability (uncontrolled seizures), and because some of the other office workers were afraid of dogs. (I have a service dog.)

On top of that, one of my clients for my virtual assistant business was dragging his feet on paying me. It got to the point that I refused to help him with anything else until I got at least half of what he owed me. That resulted in a less than kind email about how I was terrible and would never get ahead if I behaved this way to all of my clients.

Unfortunately, I had very few people to help me financially. My boyfriend, who I lived with and was one of my caretakers, was leaving for deployment in just two months, and I was having a very hard time. My parents were going through financial issues. Then, I found out some bills were about to be sent to collection. I panicked, ready to call it quits, when I tried my last-ditch effort.

I had another client who was amazing. She was always good at giving me work, and was on time with her payments. Even though she was not due to pay me for another week, and I was not high-priority, I sent her a text to see if she would pay me early. Her response left me in tears.

“[My Name], you are ALWAYS a priority. Never let anyone tell you otherwise. Of course I’ll pay you today. You’re a blessing to me and deserve to be treated as such. God bless!”

Her kindness and encouragement meant so much to me. My future is still scary and uncertain, but I feel better knowing that I have people like her in my life.

How Do I Say This Without Sounding Like An A**-Hole?

, , , , | Right | September 20, 2017

(I am working at [Retailer] as an overnight stocker when a customer walks up.)

Customer: “Can you tell me where to find mustard?”

Me: “It would be my pleasure. It’s on aisle two.”

Customer: “Which aisle is that?”

Me: “…the aisle with the big two over it.”

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