A guy is calling, confused about a figure he’s seeing on his latest credit card statement.

Me: “Sir, that appears to be a credit. You’ve overpaid by $140 last month.”

Caller: “I don’t want a credit! I paid everything!”

Me: “Yes, you did pay everything, and you also have a credit that I can either route back to your payment method, or you can keep it on your account for future orders.”

Caller: “No! Just take it off! I don’t want it!”

Me: “You’re asking me… to take off the $140 credit you have on your account? And do what with it?”

Caller: “Just make it go away!”

Suddenly, I hear another voice in the background:

Caller’s Wife: *In the background.* “Wait, did I hear them say credit?”

Caller: “Yeah.”

Caller’s Wife: “You idiot! Give me the phone!”

There’s the sound of a scramble, as I assume the phone gets fought over. The wife wins, apparently, because the next thing I hear it:

Caller’s Wife: “Sorry about that, my husband is an idiot. Do not take off the credit! We’ll keep it there for a future payment! Do not touch it! If my husband calls back to try to remove it, tell him he’s so dumb he’d lose a staring contest with the mirror and hang up.”

Me: “I… uh… I can put a note on the account that you’ve requested for the credit to remain to be used against a future payment, ma’am. That’s all I can do.”

Caller’s Wife: “Thanks. My husband… he hears credit and just thinks credit card, and then stops thinking after that. Thanks for your patience.” *Click.*

Caller: “I’m gonna sue you all!”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, what is your issue?”

Caller: “My card got declined! You embarrassed me in front of my boss! I’m trying to get promoted, and she’s gonna think I’m bad with money!”

Me: “Ma’am, your credit card bill is sixty-eight days past due, and you’re almost a hundred dollars over your credit limit.”

Caller: “Yeah, but you should have allowed that one purchase to go through as I was with my boss!”

Me: “We can’t be selective with your transactions like that. Also, we have no way of knowing who you’re with when you’re making purchases.”

Caller: “Then just let all my purchases go through until I say otherwise!”

Me: “Ma’am, with all due respect, that’s not how credit cards work.”

Caller: “I’m gonna sue you all! You ruined my promotion! Un-decline my card, and I won’t sue.”

Me: “No, ma’am. You need to start paying off your credit card.”

Caller: “Ugh! What’s the point of having a credit card if you can’t give me credit!” *Click.*

The vital-for-her-promotion item she was trying to buy? A $700 bag. I don’t know what made her think that would go through…

My mom was diagnosed with Parkinson’s a few years ago. She’s over eighty. When my dad died, since she knew Parkinson’s only gets worse as time goes on, she sold her house and moved into a retirement community where she would be able to get the care she needed when the time came that she couldn’t do anything for herself. Over the past few years, as her abilities have deteriorated and at her request, my wife and I have been slowly taking things over for her, like managing her finances and things like that. 

We’ve gone through all the steps so that both my wife and I have full Power of Attorney (POA) as well as Medical Power of Attorney, including HIPAA release and all that fun stuff. Over time, we’ve gotten things squared away with her doctors, her Medicare, her retirement investments, etc., so everyone has our contact information, and they all know we have POA and they can talk to us on the phone without her having to give permission for them to speak to us. This is important since my wife and I don’t live in the same city she does, and we need to be able to get things accomplished without having to physically be in the same place.

One day, when we happened to be in town visiting her, we were going through some of her financial stuff. She had a credit card that she hadn’t charged anything on since before my dad died. She had other credit cards she preferred to use for purchases, so we all decided to just cancel the unused card.

My wife called up the credit card company, went through the verification process that proved she had POA authorization to make decisions regarding this card, and told the Customer Support Agent that we wanted to cancel the card. He went through the steps and then confirmed that the card was now cancelled. 

After that was done, the customer service agent mentioned that there was still an outstanding balance on the card of approximately $500. We were surprised. It had been at least three years since the card was last used, and we had never seen a bill or anything saying there was a past due balance.

Wife: “Okay, well, how do we pay off the balance? Where do we send the check?”

Customer Service Agent: “You can’t, since you weren’t the cardholder. Your mother-in-law will have to go in person to a [Branch] bank to pay it off.”

By this point in time, my mom’s Parkinson’s has progressed to where it is very difficult for her to get around. Even going out for the occasional doctor’s visit is difficult and wears her out.

Wife: “Well, she can’t get around. Taking her to a [Branch] bank office really isn’t an option. Can’t we just send you what she owes?”

Customer Service Agent: “No, only the original cardholder can pay it off, and she’ll have to do it in person at a bank office.”

Wife: “We’re with her right now. What if she gives you permission over the phone to take payment for the outstanding bill?”

Customer Service Agent: “No, she has to do it in person.

Wife: “But we have POA. You even let me cancel the card. But you won’t let me pay the outstanding balance?”

Customer Service Agent: “No, it has to be the cardholder.”

Wife: “So what happens if we just don’t pay it?”

Customer Service Agent: “Well, it could go to Collections.”

Wife: “And how would you do that? You don’t even have her current address, which is why we never saw a bill for the outstanding balance. Even if it did go to collections, the worst it would do would be to affect her credit score. She’s over 80, owns no property, and isn’t going to be trying to get a loan for anything ever again. Are you telling me that if we just don’t pay it, there’s really nothing that will happen to her because you aren’t willing to let us send you what she owes?”

Customer Service Agent: “…well, yes.”

Wife: “Okay. Well, thanks. Goodbye.”

My wife hung up, and we haven’t worried about it since. It’s been over a year, and nothing more has come of it. We were more than willing to pay them, but they just didn’t want the money enough to let us pay.

Customer: “Hi, I need to dispute a charge on my card. It’s from a nail salon, but I never got any service there.”

Me: “Alright, ma’am. Let me pull up your account.”

After going through the security stuff, I can see that this is the third charge she’s disputed in the last six months.

Me: “Can you confirm the date of the transaction?”

Customer: “It’s [date]. I wasn’t even there! I’ve been scammed!”

Me: “The salon was called [Nail Salon], correct?”

Customer: “Yes! That’s the one! Total fraud.”

More than a little suspicious, I put the customer on hold while I looked up the company’s website. It seems legit, and they even have a link to their Instagram page. I look at maybe the first ten images or so, and then see something that sparks my interest.

Me: “Thanks for holding, ma’am. I just needed to check a few things, such as the nail salon’s Instagram page.”

A pause.

Me: “If you look at the ninth image posted, you will see the caption says ‘Thanks to [Customer’s Name] for trusting us with this design.’ Those are some gorgeously pink nails, by the way.”

Another pause.

Me: “If we were to contact the nail salon about that specific customer, what information would they give us?”

Customer: *Click.*

I sighed, and forwarded her account to the fraud department. I wish that nail salon were local to me, they do good work!

My mom bought me what was supposed to be a reusable debit card. All I had to do was activate it, and I’d have money for gas/food, and she could load money on it whenever she wanted/I needed.

How it works is you buy a temporary card, loading however much on it that you want, and then you sign up on the internet for a permanent card that is linked to your name and address.

My father does not know my mother has bought me this card and is not allowed to know for various reasons.

As I’m trying to activate the card, it refuses to acknowledge my address. 

I spend an hour typing my address in over and over before calling the company.

Card Company: “Well, is your house real?”

Me: *After looking at my house, at my bills, at Google Maps because, did the matrix glitch and put me on the street?* “Yes… It’s a real house.”

Card Company: “Are you sure it’s a real address?”

Me: “Why is this even a question? I am sitting inside my house at [Address] right now!”

Card Company: “Do you receive mail at your address?”

Me: *Looking at my bills again.* “Yes! Why won’t your system recognize my address?”

Card Company: “Do you have a PO box? If you’re using a PO box, it won’t work.”

Me: “I am typing in [address] exactly as it appears on my mortgage, insurance paperwork, paystubs, electrical, gas, water, and city sewage bills. Exactly as it pulls up on Google maps. It’s a real, valid address that a mail person delivers mail to six days a week. In fact, as I’m on the phone with you, my mail lady just dropped off my latest mortgage statement!”

Card Company: “Well, you said someone bought you the card… can you put their address in?”

Me: “No. I can’t. My father lives at that address, and I cannot have him find out my mother bought me this card.”

Card Company: “Can you send it to a friend?”

Me: “My trustworthy friends live at least four hours from my house in another state entirely.”

Card Company: “Well, can’t you send it to them?”

Me: “Uh…no. Because they live in a different state. Like… a multi-hour drive two states away from me.”

Card Company: “Well, you can change the address when you get the card.”

Me: “What do you not understand?! I can’t send this to someone else! Can you type in my address in your system and activate the card for me?”

Card Company: “Oh… we don’t activate cards over the phone. You have to do that over the internet.”

Me: “But I can’t… because your system won’t recognize my address.”

Card Company: “Are you sure your address is real?”

Me: “Can I speak to a supervisor?”

A five-minute hold and five-minute recap later:

Card Company Supervisor: “Are you sure your address is real?”

Me: “For fudge’s sake… Can I use the funds that are on this temporary card?”

Card Company Supervisor: “Oh, of course!”

Me: “Good. And by the way, I work for the only company that sells this card. You can bet your bum that I will be telling every person who I see buy these exactly what happened in this call.”

Card Company Supervisor: “Oh, well, there’s no need for that.”

Me: “Then type in my address and finish the sign-up.”

Card Company Supervisor: “We can’t do that. Are you sure your address is real? And you aren’t using a PO box?”

I gave up at this point and just hung up. I filled my gas tank twice with the card and told my mom to just send me a money transfer via the store I work at when I need it.