(I’m a volunteer at a museum. The volunteers and staff carry radios so we can coordinate. We have different channels for different groups so, for example, the tour guides can coordinate tours without bothering the rest of the staff. Our radios are also always simultaneously tuned to a second channel called “general,” which is only used for announcements. The museum is closed for today while we change exhibits. Notably, a site safety staff member is also testing out the PA loudspeakers.)

Site Safety: *on general* “Heads up, loud noise coming.”

Site Safety: *on PA* “THIS IS AN AUDIO TEST OF THE— GOOD LORD, THAT’S LOUD. HOW DO I LOWER THE VOLUME?”

Site Safety: *on general* “Sorry, folks… That’s a bit louder than expected. We’re gonna look into that.”

(A few minutes pass:)

Unknown #1: *on general* “Szz fn mph… fllf.”

Supervisor: “Ah, darn it, someone’s leaning on their transmit.”

(Someone’s accidentally transmitting on general without realizing it, usually caused by leaning up against a wall and hitting the PTT button.)

Supervisor: “Hot mic on general.”

Unknown #1: “Fzz whll… mm.”

Supervisor: “Hot mic on general!”

Unknown #1: “Hll?”

Unknown #2: “Hot! Mic! On! General!”

Unknown #1: “Snzzz whrr…”

Unknown #3: “HOT MIC ON G**D*** GENERAL.”

Supervisor: “Hey, keep it professional on the radios!”

Unknown #1: “Shvvv br.”

(Pretty soon, a chorus of voices pop up, all calling in, “Hot mic on general.” Then, suddenly:)

Site Safety: *on PA* “HOT MIC ON GEN– OH, S***, WRONG BUTTON, THAT’S THE PA. SORRY, FOLKS.”

(Long pause:)

Unknown #3: “Uh… hot mic on g**d*** PA.”

(I work at a guest services desk at my local mall. I am watching a nanny on an iPad. A toddler who was sleeping in the stroller wakes up and gets twisted in the straps. He tries to get the nanny’s attention, but she just points her finger to wait until she is done, so he tries to wiggle himself out. The stroller tips over, he screams, and security and police come. I tell security and the police what I have witnessed.)

Nanny: “I’m gonna get you fired!”

Me: *snapping back* “Really? Well, you are the one who gets paid to watch the child, and apparently, using your iPad was much more important than your child. It would have taken less than a minute to untwist him from the stroller straps!”

(I was not fired. Dear parents and nannies, pay attention to your child, not so much your cell phone. A cell phone can be replaced; a child cannot.)

A few years ago, I took a trip to NYC with my mom and my cousin. It was a girls’ weekend to celebrate my cousin’s upcoming wedding. We spent the morning shopping and stopped in a family-owned Italian restaurant that was recommended to us. The woman who greeted us was the chef, and her elderly mother who’d started the restaurant was behind the register. There were only five tables in the whole restaurant and we were currently the only customers. 

We’d been seated and were chatting about what we wanted to do that night when my cousin suddenly stood and pointed behind my mom and me. Black smoke had started pouring from a staircase in the hallway that lead to the businesses above that one. Thinking the floor above us must be on fire, my mom ran to the back to grab the chef, while we tried to convince the elderly Italian woman, who it turned out spoke no English, to come outside. She couldn’t see the smoke from her place behind the register and kept swatting us away and scolding us in Italian. 

Finally, my cousin physically picked the lady up. Yes, it was as awkward as it sounds, but thankfully, she was a tiny lady and my cousin was strong. We got her outside and she finally saw the smoke, which was now also streaming out of the windows of the floor above her restaurant. My mom and the chef made it outside right behind us, and the mother and daughter began speaking rapidly in Italian. 

My mom took her phone out to call the fire department, but someone else must have already done that because we heard the sirens coming our way. The fire truck rounded the corner, crushing the front end of a cab in the process. That was something else to see on its own. The passengers in the back of the cab started screaming in panic, and the driver just sat there looking bored, like this happened every day.  

Thankfully, no one was hurt. We didn’t find out what had caused the fire, but at least it didn’t spread beyond the second floor. The chef thanked us for helping them, and her mother kept hugging my cousin and kissing both of her cheeks. The rest of the weekend was uneventful compared to that afternoon, and I’ve always wanted to go back and see if that restaurant was still there.

(I work for a company that does outsource billing support for an electric company in another state. Today, this happened.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Power Company]. My name is [My Name]; how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I need to pay my bill. I got a shut-off notice.”

Me: “Certainly, I can help you with that. Can I have your account number, please?” *looks up the account* “To keep your service on, we’d need a payment of $148.73 by 5:00 pm today. How would you like to pay that? We accept checks by phone, VISA, and MasterCard.”

Customer: “I don’t have that much.”

Me: “All right, what are you able to pay today?”

Customer: “Seventy-five bucks.”

Me: “Tell you what. I’ll set you up on a payment arrangement — $75 today and we’ll add a portion of the remainder to your next few bills until it’s paid off.”

Customer: “No! I ain’t going on a payment arrangement.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Open your ears, dips***; I said I ain’t going on no f****** payment arrangement!”

Me: “First of all, please watch your language. Secondly, if you went on the arrangement you’d be back to current within a month or two, and you’d keep your electric service on in the meantime.”

Customer: “You’re going to take my $75 and you’re not shutting off my d*** service.”

Me: “Sir, if you only pay the $75 without the arrangement, I can assure you that your service will be shut off come 5:00 pm.”

(Our company uses remote capable or Smart Meters. The power goes off at 5:00 pm on the disconnect notice due date if payment or an arrangement is not made.)

Customer: “F*** you. I’ll pay it online.”

(This was around 4:30 pm. A little after 5:00, out of curiosity, I pulled up his account again. True to his word, he did pay $75 online. Yes, his service was shut off for non-payment. He called back and ended up screaming his way to a supervisor. Now, not only did he need to pay the remainder of the past due to get reconnected, but he also was charged a $500 deposit since he had been shut off before. Karma’s a b****.)

(I’m working the registers at a Chinese restaurant while also preparing bags for takeout orders in between customers. Because I’m a fairly tall girl, and the place is set up for the stereotypical short Chinese family who owns it, I have to bend down a lot. My shirt is a somewhat loose T-shirt with a very slight V-neck; in other words, it’s fairly modest, but not perfectly so. A customer has been waiting around for his food to be ready and has lurked near the front, looking at me the whole time. After about five minutes, his food is ready.)

Me: “That will be [total]. Have a nice day, sir.”

Customer: “You, too.” *waves me in closer and whispers to me* “By the way, I’m putting a dollar in the tip jar because I was staring down your shirt the whole time.”

(I was too stunned that he felt the need to tell me this to respond. Best/worst part is, I don’t even get to keep the tip money!)