An older couple comes into the store asking for coffee. The husband pours himself a cup without asking the price. We often get complaints about our state-inflated prices.

Me:
“That’ll be $2.50.”

Husband:
“$2.50?! This is bulls***! I’m not paying for that.”

He storms out and leaves his coffee behind. It will now have to be thrown out. His wife stays behind to apologize.

Wife:
“Don’t mind him. He always does that.”

Me:
“It’s fine.”

Wife:
“He’s such an a**hole; that’s why I’m divorcing him.”

Then, she walks out after him. 

Me:
“Enjoy your day…?”

This is a story my dad told me about how he deals with live scam calls, particularly foreign scammers.

Scammer:
“Hello, my name is [Scammer], and I work at [Credit Card Company]. I notice you have an issue with your credit card; if you could just send me your credit card number and PIN–”

Dad:
“Your mom must be so proud that you scam people for a living.”

Scammer:
“WHY YOU– DON’T YOU DARE INSULT MY MOTHER! I’M GONNA KILL YOU! DON’T EVER INSULT MY MOTHER AGAIN!” *Click*

And the moral is: “Yo Mama” burns are the best defense against scammers. Who knew?

This story is part of the Phone Scam Payback roundup!

Read the next story!

Read the roundup!

I work at a place where people can rent rafts and go down the river. A few customers from Arkansas have too much to drink and end up on the opposite side of the river to where they’re supposed to land.

Me:
“You guys gotta paddle over here!”

Drunk Lady #1:
“We’re wasted!”

She then hits the water with the paddle and yells, but the rest of her group does not paddle. They begin to drift by.

Coworker:
“You guys need to paddle in or you’re gonna go by!”

Drunk Lady #2:
“We’re trying as hard as we can, you motherf*****s!”

Drunk Man #1:
“Y’all motherf*****s rushin’ us or something’? We could just float by… check out the rest of the river!”

Drunk Lady #1:
“We could, ‘cause these f*****s are bein’ rude to us! I know I’m a Southern Belle but I sure know how to be a b****!”

Drunk Man #2:
“Did those guys just call us motherf*****s? We have a kid here! Rude a**holes! F*****s are cursing in front of a kid!”

They reach the shore, and everyone stumbles out of the raft except for a terrified seven-year-old.

Me:
“I hope you guys enjoyed your day on the river.”

Drunk Lady #2
“How could y’all motherf*****s curse in front of a kid? I’m ten weeks pregnant, too! We’re from Arkansas! I wanna talk to y’all’s boss!”

The group starts cursing at us, and then one gentleman comes up to me.

Chill Customer:
“I’ve been coming here every year since 2006 and I’m gonna come back again, and I’ll be sure to leave those drunk a**holes at home.”

I work in an office supply store where, at least for the two years I’ve been working, we’ve always opened at 8:00 am on weekdays, 9:00 am on Saturdays, and 10:00 am on Sundays. It is currently Sunday, and I am paged over to help an older customer. After I do so, she says this gem.

Customer:
“You know, you really should open at the right time.”

Me:
“Well, it’s Sunday. For at least the two years I’ve been here, we’ve opened at ten on Sundays.”

Customer:
“I know, but you really should open at the right time. I saw eight cars leave and now I’m late for work!”

I told her to call corporate, since I have nothing to do with the hours, and then she stormed off.

Ma’am, if you are late for work you can come back later, instead of car watching. Our hours are posted next to the window and online.

I work the night shift at a small hotel near the airport. It is around midnight when I receive this call:

Me:
“Thank you for calling [Hotel]; this is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller:
“Are you the hotel over there?”

Me:
“Sir, I can’t see you. Can you please be more specific?”

Caller:
“What’s the name of your hotel?”

Me:
“This is [Hotel].”

Caller:
“What’s the address?”

Me:
“We are located at [address].”

Caller:
“All right, I need twenty-nine rooms on the fourth floor near the pool.”

Me:
“Sir, this is a small hotel; we only have two floors.”

Caller:
“No fourth floor? Aren’t you owned by [Other Company]? Because I’m a member and you haven’t recognized me yet.”

Me:
“Sir, we aren’t owned by [Other Company]; we aren’t associated with them.”

Caller:
“Well, I still need twenty-nine rooms.”

Me:
“All right, what dates so I can check our availability?”

Caller:
“February 20 to February 28. I am a member; you are supposed to recognize me.”

Me:
“Sir, we aren’t owned by [Other Company].”

Caller:
“What’s the name of this hotel again?”

Me:
“This is [Hotel].”

Caller:
“Well, then, I’m a member of [Hotel]; recognize me.”

Our hotel company does have a privilege program but it has a different name; not everyone knows that so I figure I’ll continue.

Me: “Can you please tell me your name so I can look it up in my system?”

The caller spells a name really quickly but I can’t find it in our privilege program. Before I can say anything, he starts yelling.

Caller:
“Who’s your manager?!”

Me:
“[Manager].”

Caller:
“Well, I’m going to call him!”

The caller hung up before I could say anything.