Who Needs Resolutions When You Have Resolve

, | Oxford, UK | Romantic | December 31, 2011

(Note: This takes place on New Year’s Eve. I am a young woman with pillar box red hair. The male cashier at the music store speaks to his coworker, but loud enough for everyone to hear).

Cashier: “You can go to the other till. I want to serve this beautiful young lady with the awesome hair. What can I do for you, madam?”

Me: “Uhm, just this, please.”

Cashier: “And will you be going out in [local road] tonight so I can celebrate with you?”

Me: “Sorry, I’m not local.”

Cashier: “Well, I hope you know, you’ve just ruined the whole of this year for me. And the next one. ”

(I giggle and go to leave, blushing.)


(The whole shop cracks up. I didn’t go back, but if I hadn’t been attached it might have worked!)

Of Objects And Objectivity

, | London, UK | Right | December 12, 2011

Customer: “Do you sell MP3s?”

Me: “MP3 players, sir?”

Customer: “No, no, no. I want to buy MP3s.”

Me: “You can buy MP3s from our website’s digital store. It’s really easy. However, we don’t sell MP3s in store, I’m afraid.”

Customer: “So, you don’t sell MP3s in store? Why?”

Me: “You can’t hold an MP3, sir.”

The Prince Of Darkness Gets A Bad Rap

, | Chicago, IL, USA | Right | June 15, 2011

Me: “Hello. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, hello. I was just wondering if any of you there are Black Sabbath fans?”

(I ask my other coworkers.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. No one here seems to be huge fans or anything. Is there something I can help you with?”

Caller: “Yeah! I need to know the name of this Black Sabbath song! It’s got a real sick beat, but I don’t know what it’s called!”

Me: “Oh, well, if you know the lyrics I can look them up online for you to find out the title. If you’d like, I can find out if we have that CD right now.”

Caller: “That’s the thing! I don’t know the lyrics! It just goes, ‘dunnnn, dunnn dunnnn’.”

(He proceeds to attempt to hum the song for a few more minutes.)

Me: “I’m really sorry, sir. But I really don’t know the name of that song.”

Caller: “Isn’t anyone older there? Or someone that likes older music?”

Me: “No, sorry. We’re all just a bunch of ‘young’ins’ here.”

Caller: “Ah, I see. You are all too busy listening to rap music to know what Black Sabbath is. Thanks anyway!”

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Her Thoughts Are In Utero

| NY, USA | Right | May 17, 2011

Customer: “Do you have any Japanese music?”

Me: “Yes, we have quite a large selection.”

Customer: “That’s great. My daughter wanted something by, um, ah…”

(I patiently wait.)

Customer: “Oh, I can’t remember the name.”

Me: “Don’t worry. Take your time. Maybe you could ask your daughter again?”

Customer: “No, I got it. Something like… uterus?”

Me: *pause* “Uterus?”

Customer: “Hang on. I think I’ll call my daughter.”

(The customer walks away, pulling out a cell. She comes back a minute later.)

Customer: “Okay, I got it now. It’s Utada. Hikaru Utada.”

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The Day The Music Died, Part 3

| Calgary, AB, Canada | Right | April 17, 2011

Customer: “Hi, do you guys have any really small guitar cases?”

Me: “Not really. We have mandolin cases…maybe a violin case. What kind of guitar is this for?”

Customer: “Oh, it’s not for a guitar. It’s for the recently cremated remains of my father.”

(I try to stop the conversation from going too dark.)

Me: “No, not really. I could phone around. See if another store has something.”

Customer: “That’s great, just as long as it’s cheap.”


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