One More Lonely Girl In The World

| USA | Right | March 8, 2012

(This happens a couple weeks before Christmas. The mall has a few gift counters that offer free gift wrappings. An old man buys a couple of Justin Bieber CDs from us.)

Me: “Are these a gift? We offer free gift wrapping services over at–”

Old man: *angrily* “Why do you assume I’m giving it someone?”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. Those CDs are usually more popular with teenage girls.”

Old man: “They’re for me! I do not like this sort of discrimination!”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry.”

(He storms out, nearly tripping over his feet on the way out.)

Me: “You okay, sir?”

Old man: “I can walk! Stop discriminating!”

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The Lesser Of Two Musical Evils

| Norwich, Norfolk, UK | Right | March 2, 2012

Customer: “Can you help me? It’s my daughter’s birthday and she said she wanted a CD by some band. I can’t remember the name. I have it written down here.”

(She produces a piece of paper. On it is written the name of a popular German rock band. Note that most of this band’s songs are in German, so most of the writing on their CDs is too.)

Me: “Oh, good choice. They’re a great band. We have several of their CDs right over here.”

Customer: “Hold on. All this writing is in another language!”

Me: “Yes, madam, it’s German.”

Customer: “*horrified* “Oh, God! Not this again! This is that Nazi band she’s been listening to! I thought we’d got her out of that phase!”

Me: “Madam, I can assure you this band is not a Nazi band.”

Customer: “But they’re German!”

Me: “Madam, I happen to be a fan of this particular band myself. I can assure you they are not Nazis. One of their songs is even about how they are politically left-wing.”

Customer: *aghast* “Socialists?!”

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Who Needs Resolutions When You Have Resolve

, | Oxford, UK | Romantic | December 31, 2011

(Note: This takes place on New Year’s Eve. I am a young woman with pillar box red hair. The male cashier at the music store speaks to his coworker, but loud enough for everyone to hear).

Cashier: “You can go to the other till. I want to serve this beautiful young lady with the awesome hair. What can I do for you, madam?”

Me: “Uhm, just this, please.”

Cashier: “And will you be going out in [local road] tonight so I can celebrate with you?”

Me: “Sorry, I’m not local.”

Cashier: “Well, I hope you know, you’ve just ruined the whole of this year for me. And the next one. ”

(I giggle and go to leave, blushing.)

Cashier: *calling across the shop* “I HOPE THAT MAKES YOU FEEL GUILTY ENOUGH TO COME BACK AND GIVE ME YOUR PHONE NUMBER!”

(The whole shop cracks up. I didn’t go back, but if I hadn’t been attached it might have worked!)

Of Objects And Objectivity

, | London, UK | Right | December 12, 2011

Customer: “Do you sell MP3s?”

Me: “MP3 players, sir?”

Customer: “No, no, no. I want to buy MP3s.”

Me: “You can buy MP3s from our website’s digital store. It’s really easy. However, we don’t sell MP3s in store, I’m afraid.”

Customer: “So, you don’t sell MP3s in store? Why?”

Me: “You can’t hold an MP3, sir.”

The Prince Of Darkness Gets A Bad Rap

, | Chicago, IL, USA | Right | June 15, 2011

Me: “Hello. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, hello. I was just wondering if any of you there are Black Sabbath fans?”

(I ask my other coworkers.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. No one here seems to be huge fans or anything. Is there something I can help you with?”

Caller: “Yeah! I need to know the name of this Black Sabbath song! It’s got a real sick beat, but I don’t know what it’s called!”

Me: “Oh, well, if you know the lyrics I can look them up online for you to find out the title. If you’d like, I can find out if we have that CD right now.”

Caller: “That’s the thing! I don’t know the lyrics! It just goes, ‘dunnnn, dunnn dunnnn’.”

(He proceeds to attempt to hum the song for a few more minutes.)

Me: “I’m really sorry, sir. But I really don’t know the name of that song.”

Caller: “Isn’t anyone older there? Or someone that likes older music?”

Me: “No, sorry. We’re all just a bunch of ‘young’ins’ here.”

Caller: “Ah, I see. You are all too busy listening to rap music to know what Black Sabbath is. Thanks anyway!”

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