A guy tries to return a CD with a receipt.

Me: “Sorry, sir, the shrink-wrap has been sliced, which means this CD is now considered used. We can only do an exchange for the exact same CD if the purchased one was faulty.”

Customer: “It was like that when I bought it.”

Me: “We don’t sell CDs in that condition, sir. It’s a very specific part of our training. You can swap it for the same thing if this one was faulty.”

He goes into the store to get a new CD and brings up another album by some other artist.

Me: “Sir, it has to be the exact same thing.”

I had the electronics employee bring up the right CD.

Me: “Sir, I will give you a new one.”

A smile grows on the customer’s face… which quickly melts away when I take out a knife and cut open the plastic on the CD.

Me: “No, you can’t return that one later.”

I work at Canada’s largest music instrument retailer, in the professional audio/lighting department. A large part of my job is working with sound systems and lighting rentals.

A lot of our customers rely on our rentals for their small businesses, often small bands, motivational speakers, wedding planners, and of course, DJs.

Now it takes a certain kind of person to be a full-time DJ. One time, I was helping one of our DJ customers load speakers into their van. The van was a standard passenger van. Think a 2016 Grand Caravan with sliding doors on the sides and the seats removed to allow it to transport gear. Quite common in the music community!

I noticed that the bottom was a different colour than the rest of the sides and roof of the cream van; a light whiteish blue fuzzy carpet. I also noticed that the gear they had already loaded has the carpet riding up on it, like it has sunk in. I figured this was just a bad flooring job and left it at that.

Three days later, they pull up alongside the building, and I come out to help them. They open the trunk door, and I pull one of the speakers out.

As I lift it, it pulls the “rug” up with it, and I learn, much to my horror that it was not a rug at all, but a layer of moldy, half frozen celery soup that had spilled God knows how long ago and had been (literally) sloshing around in the floor of the van enough to have formed a layer of moldy ice, that I had set the speakers on in the first place.

I was instantly hit with the stench of the mold and rot, and ran back inside to throw up.

After five minutes in the bathroom, I came out to see that the sludgy, moldy soup had frozen itself to the speaker’s grill, from top to bottom. The customer did not understand what the problem was and was charged a significant cleaning fee and banned from renting with us again.

I ended up popping the grills off and cleaning them out with the pressure washer, which did not get rid of the smell, and they had to be sent back to the factory for replacement shells. This was my first week on the job.

The customer still has that biohazard in their van to this day. I sold them a drum kit without knowing it was them and helped them load it into the van, and the repressed horror came back.

This was two years down the line.

I still can’t eat celery soup.

I’m working in a record store when I’m young.

We have this one guy who comes in every couple of weeks. He goes straight to the import singles and dance sections, picks out a handful, and marches them up to the counter.

But he’s not buying them. Oh no.

Customer: “I need my hold pile.”

His “hold pile” is about thirty discs. I hand it over, and he immediately starts sorting. He picks a few to purchase, then shoves the rest back toward me.

Customer: “Put these back on hold.”

And the whole time, he won’t let me step away. If I try to help another customer:

Customer: “Hey! Stay here. I’m not done.”

If I head toward the back room, he follows me. If I escape, he grabs another employee. The whole process takes forty-five minutes.

We try putting the hold pile back out on the shelves.

Customer: “What do you mean you put them back?!”

He stomps off, finds every single one again, brings them up, buys a few, and demands the rest be put back on hold.

If we refuse, he hides them around the store instead.

We start shadowing him, but the second we get busy, he drops a disc behind a random stack like he’s planting evidence.

Eventually, we just give up. We dump everything into a cardboard box behind the counter. When he comes in, we slam the box down.

Me: “Here. What’re you buying today?”

No one wants to get stuck with him. It’s a masterclass in keeping your temper.

When we finally explain all of this to the owner (who is somehow never here when the guy comes in), he gives the manager permission to deal with it.

The next time the guy walks in, the manager steps right up to him.

Manager: “Hello, sir, we would like to formally invite you to no longer shop here again. Have a good day!”

Music to our ears!

I worked in a music shop in the dying days of CDs. As with any group of… well, anything, there are those who learn about new songs and artists by stumbling across them while looking for another, and there are those who learn about new songs and artists because said songs or artists happen to be featured in something they watch.

I, for my part, do not judge based on HOW a person has learned about something; I simply help them however I can. Some of my regulars, however, are less… open-minded, and unfortunately, I happen to have a boss who will punish me for telling customers that such behaviour is a problem.

New Customer: “Hey, I’m looking for [Album] by [Artist].”

Me: “I think we’ve got a few left; let me look.”

Regular: *Overhearing.* “Ugh, another young s*** who’s just listening to whatever they hear in a YouTube video.”

New Customer: “Well, sorry for appreciating good music when I hear it, but I want to be able to listen to the song without [YouTuber group] talking over it.”

Regular: “You wouldn’t know good music if it bit you in the c***! Shallow f***ers like you can’t be a**ed to actually seek out a song worth actually hearing! If those [YouTuber group] guys played it, you’d sing it!”

New Customer: “So you’re acting like HOW I discovered a song is more important than what I’m enjoying, and assuming that I automatically enjoy whatever [YouTuber group] plays, but I’m the shallow one?”

Regular: “You’re young, you’re online all the time, and you’ve probably never actually enjoyed a song on its own merits!”

New Customer: “If enjoying the way a song sounds isn’t “on its own merits”, then what is?”

Regular: “I shouldn’t have to explain that to you if you actually know what music is, you shallow piece of s***.”

New Customer: “If I’m shallow, then you’re the thin layer of water on a wet surface.”

I couldn’t stop myself from laughing at that remark. [Regular] gave me an offended look and stormed out, to later call my boss and get me in trouble for it. I sold [New Customer] the album she was looking for, and she thanked me and left.

My laughing at [Regular] getting what she deserved got me fired, but the store itself closed down shortly thereafter.

I work in an independent music store where we can pretty much wear what we want. Today I am sporting a T-shirt with the phrase:

”The floor is lava”
~ Everyone, Pompeii, 79 A.D.

So far, it’s raised a few chuckles, until one customer:

Customer: “That’s incredibly insensitive! Thousands of people died!”

Me: “Yeah, in 79 A.D.”

Customer: “It happened in 2008!”

Me: “Uh, no. It happened during the Roman Empire.”

Customer: “I remember seeing it on the news, and I am very offended!”

The customer storms out, but I still shout out:

Me: “Then may I say, for your age, you look incredible!”

What gets me is that he was smart enough to associate Pompeii with the ancient eruption of Mt. Vesuvius, but stupid enough to think it took place in 2008? Weird.