To Be Fair, They Probably Get A Lot Of “It’s Blue!”

, , , , | Working | September 26, 2020

This is Christmastime in the late 1990s, and I’m shopping for a present for my brother-in-law. He just purchased a CD player for his home and I want to get him something for it. I decide on The Beatles’ “White Album.” There’s only one record store in my town, a now-defunct corporate chain.

I can’t seem to find the album on the CD rack, so I ask a sales clerk, who doesn’t look a day older than twenty, for some help.

Me: “I can’t seem to find the White Album by the Beatles.”

The clerk gets a dumb look on her face.

Clerk: “What’s it called?”

Me: “The Beatles’ White Album.”

Clerk: “So, the cover’s white, but what’s it called?”

Me: “It’s the White Album. It’s by the Beatles. It’s kind of famous.”

Cue an “older” clerk, about thirty.

Older Clerk: “Let’s look it up in the system.”

The older clerk goes to the computer.

Older Clerk: “Nothing is coming up. Maybe it hasn’t been released yet?”

Me: “Never mind.”

I wound up making a few phone calls and found a small record store the next town over — about eighty miles away — that had it. They offered to ship it, but I made the drive over anyway. I love small businesses with competent staff.

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Unfiltered Story #201342

, , | Unfiltered | July 21, 2020

I’m handling the chat feature of our website, answering questions for customers, when I get a truly memorable question.

Customer: “Do you guys sell guitars?”

Me: “… No?”

Even This Conversation Is Out Of Tune

, , , , , | Right | June 12, 2020

Customer: “I would like to order a pack of Martin Strings in the gauge of 9-46.”

Me: “Great, do you have an item number or SKU number for those strings?”

Customer: “No, I don’t, I just thought you would have that already.”

Me: “Well, sir, we sell thousands of different musical items every single day and it’s hard to keep record of everything. I would be happy to look that up for you, though.”

Customer: “Okay, thanks!”

As I’m pulling up the item on our website, the customer is mumbling something under his breath.

Me: “Okay, sir, I believe I found the set you’re looking for?”

Customer: “Now make sure it comes in the right tuning of EBGDAE, okay?”

Me: “Well, sir, the strings come how they come and it is up to you to tune them correctly.”

Customer: “So, you mean to tell me that they don’t come tuned?”

Me: “Sir, you have to put the strings on the guitar before you can tune them.”

Customer: “Well, I believe that is bad customer service. If you expect me to order, then you must make sure they are in the correct tuning.”

Me: “Sir, the strings don’t come in a tuning; the term ‘tuning’ refers to the tension you set the string on the guitar that creates a certain pitch. There is no such thing as strings that come in a standard tuning.”

Customer: “Fine. Then I will order from a different company that will tune them for me, so I can play my guitar without sounding like a [disabled slur].”

Me: “Okay, sir, make sure the next company you order from gets the standard tuning for you on the strings!”

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Unfiltered Story #194957

, , , | Unfiltered | May 27, 2020

I work at a small, local music store as a social media and web content manager, however since we are short-staffed, I tend to double-up as a sales associate. One day as I am working on a project for our website, the phone rings.

Me: (Store), this is (My Name), how can I help you?
Customer: Yes hello, what do you have in the way of acoustic guitars?
Me: *warily glancing over at the wall of literally 100+ acoustic guitars* Uh, well, we are currently carrying (variety of brands).
Customer: Do you still carry (Brand)?
Me: No, we currently have (same list of brands). If you want to come stop by and have a look, you could get a better idea of what we carry right now…

He then launches into a variety of questions, some on specific models, some more vague pertaining to guitars as a whole. He asks about outdated models, brands I had never heard of before, and oddly dumb questions that he seemed too experienced to be asking about. I continue to insist he simply visit the store to see our selection, but he insists that I give him all the information he asks for over the phone. This conversation is now going on for close to 15 minutes, when this happens.

Customer: That (model) you mentioned before, can you strum it for me?
Me: *confused* Uh, sir? Over the phone?
Customer: Yes! Just so that I have an idea of the tone.
Me: I don’t know if that would be the best way to demo an instrument. The mic on the phone would never pick up the real tone of the guitar, if you could hear it at all. Again, if you want to demo a guitar, it’s best to stop in and–
Customer: Nothing fancy! Just take it down and strum it a little so I can hear it and know if I like it!
Me: (sighing as I pull down the guitar from the wall, lean close to the sound hole, and strum a few times) …As you can see, it likely didn’t carry–
Customer: Did you strum it? Were you playing chords? I couldn’t hear!

After I finally got the guy off the phone, I told my boss the story, complete with the bit about the strumming…

Boss: I’ve been dealing with that guy for 15 years. If he calls again, tell him you’re busy and hang up. Nobody has time for that.

Can’t String Together What He Wants

, , , , | Right | May 11, 2020

Customer: “Can you show me a rhythm guitar, please?”

Me: “I’m sorry, there’s no such thing. Rhythm guitar is the role you play in a band or group, not the type of guitar.”

Customer: “You’re such an idiot. Of course, you can find rhythm guitars! They have four strings instead of six!”

Me: “I think you mean a bass guitar.”

Customer: “No, a bass guitar is what you play with your foot on the drum kit.”

Me: “That’s bass drum, not bass guitar.”

The customer is suddenly blushing as people around him are laughing.

Customer: “Okay, so can I check a rhythm guitar, please?”

Me: “Do you mean a six-string one?”

Customer: “No, that’s a lead guitar; rhythm guitars have four strings!”

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