Only Drinking In Knowledge

| Wales, UK | Right | July 28, 2016

(It’s about 11 am and a very hot day. There are only a couple of customers having cold drinks in our cafe opposite my desk. A customer comes in and spends 10 minutes under the cold air fan above the door before making his way to my reception desk.)

Me: “Good morning.”

Customer: “One beer, please.”

Me: “Oh, sorry, we don’t serve alcohol, but the cafe has cold drinks.”

(He looks blankly at me, then at the cafe on the other side of the room.)

Customer: “I’ll just have whatever you got on tap, love.”

Me: “This is the reception desk for the building. We don’t serve alcohol. But there is a pub just three doors down.”

Customer: “Oh… what is this place, then? You’ve got people eating.”

Me: “We are a museum.”

Customer: “Really… Well, you should sell beer.”

A Pornucopia Of Art

| NY, USA | Related | July 27, 2016

(My art class goes to New York for a field trip, and allows my mom and 12-year-old brother come along. We step into this small museum that’s dimly lit and in the first room, we see a woman on a screen walking up to us and getting bigger and bigger and screaming.)

Mom: “Well, that was weird.”

Brother: “Why was the lady screaming?”

Me: “I don’t know.”

(Then we walk into another room where there are binoculars on the walls. And nothing else. I peer into one of them.)

Mom: *looking and frowning* “What is it?”

Me: *blinking* “I don’t know, I— Oh, my GOD! It’s PORN!”

(There were tiny pictures of naked people having sex on the walls! My mom tries to pull my little brother away, but too late.)

Brother: “Mom, why are there naked people there? What are they doing?”

Mom: “I don’t know! Let’s get out of here!”

(I agreed and we ran for it! The volunteer, a lady, gave us funny looks as we booked it. Never went back. There really ought to be a warning.)

Managers Don’t Provide A Shoulder To Cry On

| USA | Working | July 13, 2016

(We are participating in a very large statewide event, and are expecting roughly 10,000 visitors and all of us are dreading it. The manager for the station I am working at decides to give us a pep talk.)

Manager: “Remember, we are going to be packed today, so we need to keep things moving. We won’t tolerate any whining or crying today.”

Me: “Does that apply to employees too, or just visitors?”

Manager: “If you start whining or crying, all of us are leaving and you’ll have to manage the station yourself.”

Me: “Noted.”

(We all survived the day.)

Screened For Bad Language

| Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | Right | June 15, 2016

(I’m the bad guy here. This happens in a science museum in Edinburgh that’s quite interactive and popular for young children, which I visit with my fiancée. We approach a large screen with an animated palaeontologist character standing idly. I look up and see a small sensor above the screen, and a marked floor area, and realise it’s an interactive display. It’s the middle of the week and we are the only ones in the exhibit.)

Display: “Hi there, are you having fun today?”

Me: “F*** off, witch.”

(I turn to walk on.)

Display: “Well, that was unexpected.”

(We stop and look back.)

Me: “What?”

Display: “I’ve never had anyone swear at me before!”

(Actually panicking now.)

Me: “Wait, you’re REAL?”

Display: “Yep, and quite surprised!”

(Turned out there was a staff member assigned to the screen and the sensor was a camera. She was quite forgiving and informative, but it was quite funny watching as people behind us ignored the screen and she started throwing sarcastic comments out to try and get their attention!)

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A Pornucopia Of Art

| NY, USA | Working | May 19, 2016

(My art class goes to New York for a field trip, and allows my mom and 12-year-old brother come along. We step into this small museum that’s dimly lit and in the first room, we see a woman on a screen walking up to us and getting bigger and bigger and screaming.)

Mom: “Well, that was weird.”

Brother: “Why was the lady screaming?”

Me: “I don’t know.”

(Then we walk into another room where there are binoculars on the walls. And nothing else. I peer into one of them.)

Mom: *looking and frowning* “What is it?”

Me: *blinking* “I don’t know, I— Oh, my GOD! It’s PORN!”

(There were tiny pictures of naked people having sex on the walls! My mom tries to pull my little brother away, but too late.)

Brother: “Mom, why are there naked people there? What are they doing?”

Mom: “I don’t know! Let’s get out of here!”

(I agreed and we ran for it! The volunteer, a lady, gave us funny looks as we booked it. Never went back. There really ought to be a warning.)

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