They Just Prushed Through History

| USA | Related | February 19, 2016

(I’ve cajoled my sister to come with me to a museum on colonial times in the local area. While I love history and am acting like a kid in a candy shop, she seems bored out of her mind.)

Me: “Hey, look… this says our town had a lot of Prussian influence when it began.”

Sister: “What’s that?”

Me: “Well, I suppose the area was probably colonized by people from Prussia, or important people from here had Prussian backgrounds.”

Sister: “But, like, what’s Prussia?”

Me: “It’s a former Germanic state.”

Sister: “A state? Is it near us?”

Me: “No, no, it’s in Europe. Or rather, it used to be – it was dissolved a couple years after World War Two.”

Sister: “When was that?”

Me: “…When was World War Two?”

Sister: “Yes.”

Me: *face-palm* “How are we even related…?”

Do You Wanna Build Biomedical Technology?

| Cleveland, OH, USA | Right | January 23, 2016

(I work at a science museum. One of the exhibits has paper for visitors to write on, asking what they would like to know about biomedical technology. Since much of our visitors are children on field trips, not all the comments are related to medicine. My coworkers take delight in collecting the funniest ones. One day, my coworker comes in with a stack from the exhibit. After showing people, she hangs it in her cubicle. Curious, I look at it.)

Paper: *in the tell-tale scrawl of a five-year-old* “Hi, I’m Olaf and I like warm hugs. – [Child’s Name].”

(The child even drew a snowman!)

Don’t Baby Me

, | MA, USA | Working | January 13, 2016

(I work the night shift at an outdoor living history museum. I do patrol while Coworker sits in dispatch. This takes place at four am.)

Me: *radioing in* “Hey, [Coworker]. I found an abandoned baby stroller outside of [building].”

Coworker: “Really?! Is it empty or is there a baby in it?”

Not Exhibiting The Best Knowledge

| London, England, UK | Working | January 9, 2016

(For a few months, I spend two days a week working in a large museum. I work in one of the offices in a staff-only area so I don’t get to see much of the museum during the day, and wear business clothes. As a result, I only know for sure where one exhibit is. I explore during lunch. On my first day:)

Visitor: “Hi, excuse me, do you work here?”

(I look down at my staff pass.)

Me: “Uh, yeah.”

Visitor: “Great. Could you tell me where the Assyrian exhibit is?”

Me: “Um … I … don’t actually know. I think it’s down there but I’ve only just started working here. Oh, but that guy over there will know.”

(The next day:)

Visitor: “Can you tell me where the dinosaur exhibit is?”

Me: “I don’t know, sorry, but that guy will.”

(Later, I ask my boss about that one. He tells me the dinosaur exhibit is in an entirely different museum. After a couple of weeks, I take my pass off when i go to explore so that people will stop asking me for directions. But as I come out of one of the staff-only doors…)

Visitor: “Oh, hi! Could you give me directions to the Japanese exhibit?”

Me: “It’s on the fifth floor… somewhere…”

Visitor: “Sorry, I thought you worked here because you came out of that door.”

Me: “I do work here… Sorry.”

(Even when nobody sees me leaving through a door, people still guess I work there and ask directions, to which I never seem to be able to help. Fast forward to my penultimate day working in the museum.)

Visitor: “Hi, excuse me, do you… Oh, no, sorry, I thought you worked here.”

Me: “I, uh, do.”

Visitor: “So could you tell me where the Germany exhibit is?”

Me: “I… yes. I can. Go right, then go up the stairs on your left and it’s the hall to the right of the first landing.”

Visitor: “Great, thanks!”

(Why couldn’t this intimate knowledge have come to me earlier than my penultimate day?)

The Ticket To Kicking Her Out

| NY, USA | Right | December 14, 2015

(I’m standing in line at the 9/11 memorial in New York, waiting to go in for the 2 pm viewing. As you can imagine, it’s very crowded. Each ticket is booked for a specific time to prevent overcrowding and to keep numbers at safe levels. It’s currently 1:30 pm; I’ve gotten in line early as I expected there would be a lot of people – which there is. There is an employee standing near the entrance to the lines directing people where they should stand. All of a sudden a woman pushes in front of me…)

Woman: *shouting* “I HAVE A 1 pm TICKET! YOU HAVE TO LET ME IN NOW!”

Employee: “I apologize, but you will need to go to the back of the line. You will still be able to get in with that ticket but I cannot allow you to push in front of the other patrons.”

Woman: “No. I should be let in first. I bought an earlier ticket then they did.”

Employee: *sigh* “Can I have a look at your ticket, please?”

Woman: *triumphantly thrusting a piece of paper in his face* “Here!”

Employee: *looking at piece of paper a little bigger than a credit card with ‘reference’ and numbers scrawled after it* “Ma’am, this isn’t a ticket… I can’t let you into the museum with this. You will need to go to the ticket window so they can print it for you, the line is just over there to your left.”

Woman: *now irate* “WHAT? You expect me to stand in a line? Look up my reference number and let me in NOW!”

Employee: “I have no facilities to do that with. The only people that can help you with that are in the ticket office. You need to—”

Woman: *now screaming* “NO! I SHOULDN’T HAVE TO STAND IN LINES! THAT’S WHY I BOOKED AN EARLY TICKET AND CAME LATE! I’M SMARTER THAN THEM!” *gesturing to other people in line*

(A HUGE security guard appears, and speaks to the employee:)

Security Guard: “Is there anything wrong here? I can escort her off the premises if you need.”

Woman: *sizing up security guard* “Oh… the ticket line is over here, you say?”

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