Falling Face And Rising Volume

| Winston-Salem, NC, USA | Related | September 6, 2016

(I’m at a local museum popular with children, walking down the long, carpeted ramp to the lower level, when two little kids run past me. The girl, maybe four years old, trips and faceplants. Her brother, a year or two older, immediately stops.)

Brother: *leaning right in his sister’s face, shrieking* “OH, MY GOD, [Sister]! ARE YOU OKAY?! ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?! YOU OKAY!?”

(Jeeze, if anybody screamed at me like that after I tripped, I would’ve cried more than the little girl did.)

I-Maximum Idiocy

| GA, USA | Right | August 12, 2016

(I have worked for years at a gift shop in a natural history museum which has an IMAX giant screen theater. As such, we always carry as many of the titles we screen on DVD as possible. This was a common occurrence:)

Customer: “Hey, yeah, I was looking for [IMAX film] on DVD.”

Me: “Absolutely. Right over here.”

Customer: “So… is… is this as big as the IMAX screen in there?”

Me: “Haha… only if your television is five stories high!”

Customer: *blank stare*

Me: “You know, if your television is as big as the theater?”

Customer: *blank stare*

Me: “No… No, it’s not.”

(I still cannot figure out how they thought a DVD would warp space and physics and expand their 27 inch Zenith into a five story IMAX screen. Sadly, this conversation happened WAY more than once, so I just quit making the joke. I know it wasn’t THAT funny… but, geez.)

Only Drinking In Knowledge

| Wales, UK | Right | July 28, 2016

(It’s about 11 am and a very hot day. There are only a couple of customers having cold drinks in our cafe opposite my desk. A customer comes in and spends 10 minutes under the cold air fan above the door before making his way to my reception desk.)

Me: “Good morning.”

Customer: “One beer, please.”

Me: “Oh, sorry, we don’t serve alcohol, but the cafe has cold drinks.”

(He looks blankly at me, then at the cafe on the other side of the room.)

Customer: “I’ll just have whatever you got on tap, love.”

Me: “This is the reception desk for the building. We don’t serve alcohol. But there is a pub just three doors down.”

Customer: “Oh… what is this place, then? You’ve got people eating.”

Me: “We are a museum.”

Customer: “Really… Well, you should sell beer.”

A Pornucopia Of Art

| NY, USA | Related | July 27, 2016

(My art class goes to New York for a field trip, and allows my mom and 12-year-old brother come along. We step into this small museum that’s dimly lit and in the first room, we see a woman on a screen walking up to us and getting bigger and bigger and screaming.)

Mom: “Well, that was weird.”

Brother: “Why was the lady screaming?”

Me: “I don’t know.”

(Then we walk into another room where there are binoculars on the walls. And nothing else. I peer into one of them.)

Mom: *looking and frowning* “What is it?”

Me: *blinking* “I don’t know, I— Oh, my GOD! It’s PORN!”

(There were tiny pictures of naked people having sex on the walls! My mom tries to pull my little brother away, but too late.)

Brother: “Mom, why are there naked people there? What are they doing?”

Mom: “I don’t know! Let’s get out of here!”

(I agreed and we ran for it! The volunteer, a lady, gave us funny looks as we booked it. Never went back. There really ought to be a warning.)

Managers Don’t Provide A Shoulder To Cry On

| USA | Working | July 13, 2016

(We are participating in a very large statewide event, and are expecting roughly 10,000 visitors and all of us are dreading it. The manager for the station I am working at decides to give us a pep talk.)

Manager: “Remember, we are going to be packed today, so we need to keep things moving. We won’t tolerate any whining or crying today.”

Me: “Does that apply to employees too, or just visitors?”

Manager: “If you start whining or crying, all of us are leaving and you’ll have to manage the station yourself.”

Me: “Noted.”

(We all survived the day.)

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