Don’t Stick Your Neck Out To Try To Understand It

, , , | Right | January 25, 2018

(I am sitting behind the counter at the museum gift shop when a small child comes into the store.)

Me: “How can I help you?”

Child: “You don’t have giraffes here?”

Me: “No. No, we don’t.”

Child: “That is good. I don’t like giraffes.” *walks off*

Me: *blinks*

Made You The Butt(ock) Of Their Joke

, , , , , | Right | January 18, 2018

(I sell tickets at a kiosk in front of a recently-opened art exhibition in the museum. A couple comes in, and they each have one arm wrapped around the other’s waists.)

Man: “Do we have to pay to see the exhibition?”

Me: “Yes, sir. While the rest of the museum is free, this is a special exhibition that is on loan. It’s £9 per person, or £7 if you qualify for a discount.”

(While grumbling about the cost, the couple detangles from one another, both searching their pockets for money. Eventually they hand me a £20 note.)

Me: *hands them back change and tickets* “Your change is £2, and here are your tickets. Enjoy the exhibition!”

(They put their arms back around each other, and I think nothing of it until they walk past me to look at a painting on the opposite wall. To my horror, I realize that they are, in fact, not holding on to each other’s waists, but instead both of them have their entire hands shoved down not only their partner’s trousers, but also their underwear, and are caressing each other’s bare buttocks. Just as I begin to desperately search for hand sanitizer without touching anything…)

Woman: “Excuse me? Can you throw this away for me?”

(She removes her hand from her partner’s underpants, fishes a used tissue from her pocket, and drops it on my desk before putting her hand back down his boxers.)

Me: *dies on the inside*

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Black Pepper Matters

, , | Right | January 16, 2018

(I work as a receptionist at a museum that has an exhibition about racism. This is when I am still an intern. I have only worked at the reception by myself a couple of times before, so I am a little nervous. A customer walks in.)

Customer: “May I ask you a question?”

Me: “Of course!”

(The customer looks at me with a deadly serious face.)

Customer: “Black pepper and white pepper. Is that racist?”

(Needless to say, I was stunned by the odd question.)

Might As Well Explain It To A Robot

, , , | Right | December 13, 2017

(I work at a small museum for a university. We have an exhibit on robotics that has nothing hands-on. The text panels are very technical and, to someone who has not studied robotics, rather dry. The exhibit is designed for older students and adults. However, many people want to bring their young children, anyway. I have this conversation over the phone.)

Me: “Hello, [Museum].”

Caller: “Hello, my son is in kindergarten and loves robots. I see on your website that you have a robotics exhibit. Do you think that coming to [Museum] would be a good way to introduce him to robotics?”

Me: “We do have a robotics exhibit; however, it is more about the history and development of robotics. There is nothing hands-on, and we recommend it for middle-school age to adult audiences. Lots of people do bring younger children, but some of the technical stuff on the text panels might be a little over his head.”

Caller: *her voice absolutely dripping with disdain* “It would not be over his head.” *hangs up on me*

(So, she basically called to ask a question to which she had already decided the answer. Unless that kid was a robotics prodigy, he was not going to get anything out of those text panels! She would have been better off buying a basic robotics kit to start him off. This was not the first or the last visitor who believed they had a genius child.)

That’s Not Very Big Of You

, , | Working | December 8, 2017

(One of my coworkers is a really small guy, clearly under 160 centimeters. One day we are doing small talk in the staff room. Another coworker, who likes to make witty wisecracks, is there, too.)

Coworker #1: “You know, when I was little…”

Coworker #2: “What? Yesterday?”

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