Either Way, Someone’s Wearing Diapers

| | Right | April 16, 2009

(I’m selling movie theater tickets to a couple that’s obviously in their 30s or 40s.)

Me: “So for two adults, the total is $19.”

Male customer: “Can’t we get a discount? She’s a senior! How old do you have to be to be a senior?”

Me: “She has to be 60 to be a senior.”

Male customer: “She’s 59 and a half! Can we get a discount?”

(It’s a slow day, so I oblige.)

Me: “Well… alright, how about $16.50?”

Male customer: “Awesome, you’re the best! So you gave her the senior ticket, right?”

Me: “No, sir, I gave you a child.”

Female customer: *laughs* “Thank you, you’ve definitely got him figured out!”

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Ironically, She Was Seeing Get Smart

| | Right | April 10, 2009

(I’m finishing a transaction with a customer at the movie theater.)

Me: “… and would you like to make a donation to [charity] today?”

Customer: “Well let me ask you something: do YOU donate to charity?”

Me: “Yes, of course. I donate to this one as well as several others.”

Customer: “Well, do YOU work for any charitable organizations?”

Coworker: “Actually she works with the mentally handicapped and developmentally disabled 40 hours per week.”

Customer: “Oh really? Where?”

Coworker: “Here.”

Customer: “I really don’t appreciate that!”

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Chilly Reception

| | Right | April 3, 2009

(I was working at the kiosk where we sell sweets and drinks when this transaction occurred with an old woman over the bottled water.)

Customer: “Is that water cold?”

Me: “Yes, it’s just out of the fridge.”

Customer: “I don’t see a fridge.”

(I gesture towards the fridge a few feet away from the kiosk.)

Customer: “Can’t I just have one out of there?”

Me: “Yeah, of course.”

(I fetch her one out of the fridge.)

Customer: “That doesn’t look too cold to me.”

Me: “…well, you can feel for yourself, if you like. It really is quite cold.”

Customer: “No. You do it.”

(I put my hand against the bottle and then pretend to flinch.)

Me: “You’re right, ma’am, it’s boiling hot. I’m very sorry about that.”

Customer: “I’ll just have a Coke then.”

Me: “…”

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Getting Your Priorities Straight, Part 2

| | Right | March 17, 2009

(A customer comes in with four very young kids.)

Customer: “Does [R-rated police drama] have any nudity in it?”

Me: “No, but it’s incredibly violent.”

Customer: “…but there’s no sex or nudity, right?”

Me: “No, it’s just really violent and bloody.”

Customer: “I’ll have one adult and four kids, please!”

Related: Getting Your Priorities Straight

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Disease Or Not, You’re Still A Douche

| | Right | March 12, 2009

(A customer has just finished placing a rather large and pricey order of several large popcorns loaded with butter, large drinks, and random candies.)

Me: “That’ll come to $55.75, sir.”

Customer: “Oh… I have cancer.”

Me: “Um… I’m sorry.”

Customer: “So I don’t have to pay, right?”

Me: “No, you still have to pay.”

Customer: “Why? I’m a cancer patient!”

Me: “You’re also trying to walk away with nearly $60 in concession items. I’m sorry, but I can’t give that to you because you have cancer.”

Customer: “Oh, come on! What if I told you I had heart disease?”

Me: “I guess I’d have to ask why you’re in such a rush to kill yourself?”

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