Pray He Doesn’t Sit Behind You

| Canada | Right | February 14, 2010

(An old couple approach the auditorium I am ushering.)

Me: “I’m sorry, madam, outside food and drinks are not allowed into our auditoriums. I’ll have to ask you to please dispose of these cups before you can go in.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. No problem.”

(She throws away one of two cups into the garbage, and proceeds to walk in with the other one.)

Me: “I’m sorry, you need to get rid of both of these drinks.”

Customer: *points to her husband who is well on his way into the auditorium* “Oh, there’s nothing in that cup, that’s just for him to spit in.”

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Gift Barred

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Right | February 9, 2010

(A guest orders her ticket and pulls out her wallet.)

Customer: “Oh, I have a gift card!”

(The guest holds out white plastic card with our logo on it.)

Me: “This is an employee swipe card. We use them for signing in and out at the beginning and end of a shift.”

Customer: “Oh.”

Me: “Where did you get this?”

Customer: “I found it.”

(The guest is about to return the card to her wallet.)

Me: “I’m going to need to hold on to that…”

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Pray It’s Not Sold Out At Times Square

| Toronto, Canada | Right | February 8, 2010

Customer: “Two senior tickets for [film].”

Me: “I’m sorry, we’re no longer playing that film.”

Customer: “What? But you were playing it yesterday!”

Me: “Well, we usually get new movies on Friday.”

Customer: “My friend looked online and it said it was playing here.”

Me: “What website did you friend go to? Did it say the film would be playing here on Friday? Sometimes the websites get the movie listings wrong.”

Customer: “This is outrageous! I’m a native New Yorker and if this was New York, you’d be shot!”

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Elementary, My Dear Mr Darcy

| | Right | January 11, 2010

Customer:“I want a refund! Sherlock Holmes was possibly the worst film adaptation of a Jane Austin book I’ve ever seen!”

Me:Sherlock Holmes was not written by Jane Austen. It was written by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.”

Customer:“I thought there was something odd about it. Well, I guess it really is nothing at all like her other books. Silly me!”

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Car Parked, Brain In Neutral

| | Right | January 1, 2010

Customer: “Hi, um, my car was stolen.”

Me: “Well, okay, let’s go out and see where you’re parked.”

(We walk into the parking lot.)

Me: “Okay, where did you park?”

Customer: “Right there, where the Prius is parked! God d***
tree-hugging democrat piece of s***!”

Me: “Okay, well, let’s go inside and call the police.”

(While we wait for the police to come she makes some phone calls and then comes back into the office.)

Customer: “Sorry, never mind. Turns out I drove the Prius today and not the Honda.”

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