Bad Parenting: Seeing Is Believing

| | Right | March 10, 2009

(I was working the box office when a woman with two young children came up to the window.)

Customer: “One adult and two children for ‘Scary Movie’.”

Me: “Ma’am, I should warn you – this movie really isn’t appropriate for little children. May I suggest another film?”

Customer: “What? Come on, it’s a comedy! It’ll be fine!”

Me: “It’s rated ‘R’. It’s pretty much nothing but sex, nudity and violence. It’s really not for kids.”

Customer: “I’ll decide what is and isn’t appropriate for my kids to watch! Now sell me the tickets!”

(I sell her the tickets. Five minutes into the movie, the woman comes storming back out with her kids in tow.)

Customer: “You didn’t tell me it was THAT bad!”

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Lenin, Inc.

| | Right | February 9, 2009

Customer: “You only have two showings of American Carol! That’s just plain un-American! You’re all d**ned communists.”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, but it wasn’t selling well so we had to split it with another movie.”

Customer: “No – it’s because you’re g**d**n commies.”

Me: “No, sir, that’s actually capitalism. We move the movies that don’t sell well to less show times so as to maximize profits.

Customer: “No, capitalism is American and no real American would move a movie down just because it wasn’t making money!”

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Chez Cinema

| | Right | February 9, 2009

(Note: we’re in a movie theater.)

Customer: “So, you guys got, like, showers here and everything?”

Me: “No, we don’t.”

Customer: *looking revolted* “Gross! So you guys just don’t wash?”

Me: “Well, not here, but when we’re at home, yes.”

Customer: “So you guys don’t have, like, rooms here or nothin’?”

Me: “No, sir, we don’t live at the movie theater.”

Customer: “THAT’S THE DUMBEST THING I EVER HEARD! *stomps off*

Me: “…”

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Culinary Confusion

| | Right | January 28, 2009

(I was working at the concessions stand taking someone’s order, when a man walks up and cuts in line.)

Customer: “Hey, why does this theater look so run down?”

Me: “Uh…well, it is kind of old, but as you can see from the sign we are renovating.”

Customer: “Oh. Can I get a popcorn then? Is it fresh?”

Me: “Sir, you just cut in line. I’m sorry, but you’ll have to get back in line if you want service.”

Customer: “Oh. Okay.”

(He pauses, but doesn’t move from his place beside me at the counter. I finish my transaction and clear up the line, and he’s still standing there.)

Customer: “So…what’s up with those corn dogs?”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “Those corn dogs. What’s wrong with them?”

Me: *looking around, utterly confused* “Uh…the hot dogs? I don’t see anything wrong with them.”

Customer: “No, the corn dogs! They look awfully…green, don’t they?”

Me: *following his eyes* “Sir…I think you’re talking about the pickles.”

Customer: “Oh…that’s what they are? Could have fooled me.”

Me: “…”

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Better Safe Than Sorry

| | Right | January 20, 2009

(I am just finishing up a sale with an older gentleman for show tickets.)

Me: “Ok, just to let you know, there are no refunds or exchanges for these tickets, and the show does contain shooting, swearing, and smoking.”

Customer: “I hope not in my row!”

Me: *confused* “Well, it’s a show…you can see everything from every seat…so–”

Customer: “I’m talking about the shooting!”

Me: “Oh! Well, no…they shoot each other on-stage….”

Customer: “Not the audience?”

Me: “Not the audience. What kind of theater do you think we’re running here?!”

Customer: “I don’t know…I just don’t want to get shot.”

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