Ironically, She Was Seeing Get Smart

| | Right | April 10, 2009

(I’m finishing a transaction with a customer at the movie theater.)

Me: “… and would you like to make a donation to [charity] today?”

Customer: “Well let me ask you something: do YOU donate to charity?”

Me: “Yes, of course. I donate to this one as well as several others.”

Customer: “Well, do YOU work for any charitable organizations?”

Coworker: “Actually she works with the mentally handicapped and developmentally disabled 40 hours per week.”

Customer: “Oh really? Where?”

Coworker: “Here.”

Customer: “I really don’t appreciate that!”

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Chilly Reception

| | Right | April 3, 2009

(I was working at the kiosk where we sell sweets and drinks when this transaction occurred with an old woman over the bottled water.)

Customer: “Is that water cold?”

Me: “Yes, it’s just out of the fridge.”

Customer: “I don’t see a fridge.”

(I gesture towards the fridge a few feet away from the kiosk.)

Customer: “Can’t I just have one out of there?”

Me: “Yeah, of course.”

(I fetch her one out of the fridge.)

Customer: “That doesn’t look too cold to me.”

Me: “…well, you can feel for yourself, if you like. It really is quite cold.”

Customer: “No. You do it.”

(I put my hand against the bottle and then pretend to flinch.)

Me: “You’re right, ma’am, it’s boiling hot. I’m very sorry about that.”

Customer: “I’ll just have a Coke then.”

Me: “…”

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Getting Your Priorities Straight, Part 2

| | Right | March 17, 2009

(A customer comes in with four very young kids.)

Customer: “Does [R-rated police drama] have any nudity in it?”

Me: “No, but it’s incredibly violent.”

Customer: “…but there’s no sex or nudity, right?”

Me: “No, it’s just really violent and bloody.”

Customer: “I’ll have one adult and four kids, please!”

 

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Disease Or Not, You’re Still A Douche

| | Right | March 12, 2009

(A customer has just finished placing a rather large and pricey order of several large popcorns loaded with butter, large drinks, and random candies.)

Me: “That’ll come to $55.75, sir.”

Customer: “Oh… I have cancer.”

Me: “Um… I’m sorry.”

Customer: “So I don’t have to pay, right?”

Me: “No, you still have to pay.”

Customer: “Why? I’m a cancer patient!”

Me: “You’re also trying to walk away with nearly $60 in concession items. I’m sorry, but I can’t give that to you because you have cancer.”

Customer: “Oh, come on! What if I told you I had heart disease?”

Me: “I guess I’d have to ask why you’re in such a rush to kill yourself?”

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Bad Parenting: Seeing Is Believing

| | Right | March 10, 2009

(I was working the box office when a woman with two young children came up to the window.)

Customer: “One adult and two children for ‘Scary Movie’.”

Me: “Ma’am, I should warn you – this movie really isn’t appropriate for little children. May I suggest another film?”

Customer: “What? Come on, it’s a comedy! It’ll be fine!”

Me: “It’s rated ‘R’. It’s pretty much nothing but sex, nudity and violence. It’s really not for kids.”

Customer: “I’ll decide what is and isn’t appropriate for my kids to watch! Now sell me the tickets!”

(I sell her the tickets. Five minutes into the movie, the woman comes storming back out with her kids in tow.)

Customer: “You didn’t tell me it was THAT bad!”

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