Only Has One-Topping Brain Power

, , , , , , | Working | January 17, 2018

(I’m sitting beside my husband at home when he calls the nearby pizza restaurant to place an order. I can hear the whole exchange. It goes as follows.)

Husband: “Hello, I’d like to place an order for carry-out.”

Employee: “Okay. Is that for delivery?”

Husband: “No, I said, ‘Carry-out.’”

Employee: “What?”

Husband: “CARRY. OUT. You know, I’m going to place my order, go to your store, pay for my food, and CARRY IT OUT WITH ME!”

Employee: “…”

(My husband stares at me in disbelief. I try to whisper to him to tell the employee that it’s take-out, pick-up, or some other variant, but he can’t make out what I’m saying. Finally…)

Employee: “OH! You want to do take-out!”

(Predictably, the rest of the phone call doesn’t go much better.)

Husband: “Okay, so, for the first pizza, it’s your two-topping deal. I’m wondering if I can do double pepperoni for that.”

Employee: “And what do you want for your second topping?”

Husband: “No, listen. I’m asking you if I can do pepperoni for both toppings. So, put extra pepperoni. Lots of it. We want tons of pepperoni on the pizza.”

Employee: “But you get two toppings—”

Husband: *rolling his eyes* “You know what? Fine. Pepperoni and mushroom.”

(Unfortunately, there wasn’t another nearby pizza place we could switch to, so my husband went ahead and completed the order, but we haven’t gone back to that place since. Having worked in pizza myself, I’m not sure what was so difficult for this employee to grasp!)

Unfiltered Story #102201

, , , | Unfiltered | December 28, 2017

((My store has a shipping kiosk where we can accept and send packages through a major shipping company.  I see a customer approach the counter, so I go to help her.))

Me: Need to ship something today, ma’am?

Customer:  Yes, but I’m not sure if I need to cover the box with something or not.  Sometimes [company] will reject a box if there’s print on the outside.

Me:  Oh, that’s no problem. The only time there’s an issue is when the box states it contains something from the list of restricted items.

Customer: Oh, I’m not shipping anything like that! I just wanted to know if my box was okay!

Me:  Err — let me put it this way.  Let’s say you’re shipping cookies, and–

Customer: I’m NOT shipping cookies though!  It’s a bunch of odds and ends I found in my garage!

Me: Ma’am, I was using that as an example.  If, for EXAMPLE, you were shipping cookies, but the BOX said that you were shipping flam–

Customer: IT’S NOT COOKIES.

Me: Okay, not cookies. My POINT is, as long as what is IN the box is okay, you wo–

Customer: Oh, I get it!  If I ship something dangerous, I have to write it on the box so they know!

Me: No, ma’am — you can’t ship dangerous goods at all.  Nothing on our list here can be accepted.

((This goes back and forth for some time, with the customer repeatedly telling me she’s not sure whether or not she’s allowed to use the box she’s provided.  After several minutes – and several more interruptions – I’m finally able to convey to her that only boxes stating things on the “restricted” list were ones we had to worry about.))

Me: So since your box doesn’t say any of those things on it, AND you aren’t shipping any of those things, you’re okay. We can ship this just like it is.

Customer: I ALREADY KNEW THAT.  I just need to know if it’s okay to use this box!

Unfiltered Story #101994

, , , | Unfiltered | December 25, 2017

(My husband and I are doing Christmas shopping at a department store at which he used to work. He knows all of their sales speeches, credit card pitches and protection plan details by heart, even though he hasn’t worked for the company in years. Barring minor changes in the fine print, of course. We finish our shopping and head up to the register. The cashier doesn’t even greet us.)

Cashier: You wanna sign up for a credit card? You could get 5% back on-

Husband: Let me stop you there. I already have a store credit card, thanks.

(The cashier throws a brochure at us and jabs at it with one of her incredibly long, neon green acrylic nails)

Cashier: No, there’s two cards now. You don’t have them both.

Husband: What I had was the store’s original card, and a few months ago they mailed me an offer to switch it from the store brand to the Mastercard labeled card.

Cashier, rudely: They don’t do that.

Husband: Yes, they do. I worked for (company) for a while and I’ve had this card for years. I received the offer in the mail about 6mos ago and switched because it had a better interest rate. I don’t want to apply for a second card from here.

Cashier: They DON’T switch people! It’s one or the other!

Husband: Okay, well — I have some membership points in my account that I’d like to apply to this purchase.

(He holds out his phone with the correct QR code already displayed on the screen for her to scan.)

Cashier: We don’t DO that here.

Husband: …okay then.

(We stand there waiting, because she has got a hold of our receipts and seems unwilling to hand those over. We had to specifically ask for them before she’d let them go. At this point, I’m pissed. I don’t think my eyebrows could have climbed any higher on my face without disappearing into my hairline. As we turned to leave…)

Cashier: I ain’t never heard of no switching people to the Mastercard!

A Bag Full Of Ignorance

, , , , , , | Working | December 18, 2017

(Out of everyone on our team, there is one man we’re almost certain is willfully ignorant. He moved to the US when he was two years old, and at the time this story took place, he was into his early thirties. In all the thirty-some years he lived in California, he never bothered to learn anything about the culture that surrounded him. It often ended in hilarity like this story. One quiet workday, when there is only a single customer in the store, and I’m chatting with a manager, the ignorant coworker shouts across several aisles:)

Coworker: “HEY, MANAGER! WHAT EXACTLY IS A ‘DOUCHE BAG’?!”

(The manager and I stare at him in shock. He has shouted so loudly the nearby customer literally dropped what she was holding and is staring at us, also shocked.)

Manager: “Err… ah…”

Me: “Are you serious?!”

(We all burst out laughing because we didn’t know how else to handle the embarrassing situation, while the ignorant coworker stood there and was utterly confused as to what was so funny. The manager later had to take the employee to the side and tell him that next time he ought to ask his random questions quietly, when he was on his break.)

Bringing Silly Problems To New Heights

, , , , | Right | November 9, 2017

(I have just recently started working as a customer service rep, and I get some very funny calls about the furniture we sell. I answer this call as normal and am answered with this:)

Customer: “Hi, you’re going to think I’m a total idiot, but I pulled that lever on the chair I bought, and now it’s too tall and I can’t figure out how to lower it!”

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