Stop The Presses

| | Right | June 16, 2009

(I was working on the theater’s ticket-selling system. It printed every ticket using a thermal printer, on paper that gets black in spots where it is heated. A customer comes in with a completely black ticket.)

Customer: “I want this ticket replaced! What kind of tickets do you sell?! I can’t see anything on it!”

Me: “I’m sure we didn’t give you this ticket in this poor state. What happened to it?”

Customer: “It got all bent in my purse and looked ugly, so I ironed it.”

Me: “But ma’am, this ticket is printed on a thermal paper. It gets black when heated, so–”

Customer: “You should’ve warned me that I can’t iron the ticket!”

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Pointless Paranoia, Meet Pistol Packin’

| | Right | June 1, 2009

(A young man asks for a ticket for an R-rated movie and hands me his ID. I’m about to sell him the ticket when the lady behind him speaks up.)

Lady: “Wait! That picture in the ID doesn’t look like him at all!”

(I look at the ID. It appears he’s been sick since the photo was taken, but it’s clearly the same guy.)

Me: “Well, ma’am, I’m fairly certain that this is the correct ID. Now, if you’d just step up–”

Lady: “No! You can’t sell to someone with a fake ID. He could be a terrorist, for God’s sake! You should call the police!”

Me: “Ma’am, that is definitely not necessary. I am responsible for checking identification, and I–”

Lady: “I need to talk to your manager!”

(I begin to respond, but the guy politely waves me off and turns to the woman.)

Man: “Miss, I have another photo ID here, with a more recent picture. Do you think this matches?”

(He pulls a card out of his wallet and hands it to her. She goes completely white.)

Lady: “Well… um… yes, that’s, uh, fine!”

(She squirms for a moment, then exclaims, “I’ll be right back!” She drops the card and leaves the theater in a hurry. I give the guy his ticket.)

Me: “What was that you showed her?”

Man: “Oh, my handgun permit.”

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Baby On Board; Mother, Not So Much

| | Right | May 30, 2009

(A woman comes up to our movie theater with four small girls and a baby in a carrier.)

Customer: “Hi, four children and one adult to Hannah Montana, please.”

Me: “All right, that’ll be $32.00.”

Customer: *rummages around in her purse* “Oh, shoot! I’ve forgotten my wallet in the car. I’ll be right back.”

Me: “Okay, no problem.”

Customer: “Girls, you stay here with the nice lady…” *looks at me* “Should I leave the baby here, or take it with me?”

Me: “Ma’am, please take your infant with you!”

Customer: “Oh, okay. Girls, be good!”

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Snakes On A Plane…And In The Next Seat Over

| | Right | May 28, 2009

(This man comes to the movie theater with a live snake wrapped around his neck. This is the exchange that took place.)

Co-worker: “Hello, sir, and welcome to **** — is that a snake?!”

(Every customer in the lobby that can hear my coworker scampers away.)

Customer: “Yes, it is.”

Co-worker: *shrinking back in fear* “I’m sorry sir, but company policy prohibits any animals other than seeing-eye animals.”

Customer: “The snake is a seeing-eye animal.”

Co-worker: “I’m sorry sir, but I’m going to have to ask you to come back without the snake. It’s upsetting the other guests.”

Customer: “FINE! I didn’t want to see the stupid movie anyway!” *stomps away*

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Refund Rejects

| | Right | April 24, 2009

(A couple returns from a theatre to get a refund on a movie they have just seen.)

Customer: “I need my money back.”

Manager: Which movie was it for?

Customer:Kate and Leopold. That was the worst movie, ever!”

Manager: “That movie just ended. I can’t give you a refund for a movie you watched all the way through.”

Customer: “Well, if there were a roach in my food at a restaurant, I would get my money back!”

Manager: “Not if you eat the whole meal, roach and all!”

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