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This Pun Was A Real Hit

, , , , , , | Related | October 21, 2021

My teenage daughter and I are at a Renaissance Festival listening to a musician. I say something to my daughter and she punches me in the arm.

Wife: “What did you hit Dad for?”

Daughter: “Tell her.”

Me: “I just said I knew that musician. During periods of civil disorder, he breaks into businesses and steals stuff.”

Wife: “…”

Me: “He’s a luter.”

Wife: “Hit him again.”

This Is The Wrong Place For A Meltdown

, , , , , , | Working | September 30, 2021

I’m an intern at a nuclear power plant. The group I’m with is about to start some work.

Group Leader: “All right, guys! Let’s go make history!”

Group Member: “Uh… no. That’s the opposite of what we want to do.”

To Create New Store, Please Select Copy & Paste…

, , , | Right | September 29, 2021

I work at a big box store. A coworker is helping out at another store. A customer approaches her.

Customer: “Where is [item]?”

Coworker: “I’m not sure. I don’t normally work at this store.”

Customer: *Huffily* “Aren’t all [Store]s the same?”

Coworker: “…No.”

Recycling Is A PROCESS

, , , , | Related | August 19, 2021

I’m at home with my mom.

Mom: “We have way too many plastic grocery bags.”

Me: “Next time I go to [Store], I’ll take some and put them in the bin.”

Mom: “I don’t know if they want ours. They’re full of holes.”

I just sort of blink in surprise for a moment.

Me: “They don’t put them out and the registers and reuse them. They melt them down to make new bags.”

I swear my mother is normally an intelligent person.

The Wi-Fi Go Bye-Bye

, , , , | Right | August 3, 2021

I am a few weeks from quitting my hotel job for my dream job.

Normally, on weekends, we have two employees, but my coworker had to rush home as his daughter was sick. I’ve been handling the desk by myself as I wait for another coworker to come in and help for a few hours. It’s been pretty hectic. Just as I finish the wave of guests that came in, a guest calls to the front desk asking for the Wi-Fi code, despite me writing it down on his key card and pointing it out upon check-in.

I tell him the code, he hangs up, and not three minutes later, he calls down to complain that the Wi-Fi isn’t working. I verify that it’s the correct code he put in and then advise some basic ideas.

Me: “Well, sir, we did just have quite a few check-ins. The Wi-Fi could just be slightly slower as everyone else tries logging in, so maybe give it just a few moments and I’m sure it’ll work. That sometimes happens to me.”

Guest: “All right, I guess I can try. I’m just here on business so, you know, I need the Wi-Fi.”

I assure him that I understand and he hangs up. Not even one minute later, he calls back.

Me: “Sir, are you by any chance a rewards member? There’s a login for that and that one might work.”

Guest: “No, I’m not a rewards member.”

Me: “Okay, well, do you want to bring me your phone or laptop? Sometimes logging in at the front desk will help.”

The guest cuts me off and goes on a long tirade about how he’s worked for IT before and knows how to work technology and his own devices. An idea pops into my mind to give him my rewards email, since it’s just an email I use for all of my reward signups or trials, not a personal email.

Just as I’m about to bring up that idea, he cuts me off again and goes on another very long rant about how he needs Wi-Fi and it’s all our fault it’s not working.

My nerves are wound tight from having to put up with so many rude people over the last few hours, and even though this is by far the least offensive thing to happen to me, for some reason, I snap.

Me: “Sir, just shut up for a moment and let me help you. Now, if you’re not a rewards member, and the access code for some reason isn’t working, then I can just give you my rewards email for an easier login.”

Guest: “Y-yes, okay, that sounds okay.”

Me: “Great. Here it is.”

He tries my email and, lo and behold, it actually works. The guest thanks me in a sheepish tone. I hang up the phone a little forcefully and take a deep breath to calm myself, only to find that the other coworker has arrived whilst I was on the phone. She stares at me wide-eyed, and I’m a bit stunned by my behavior, too, but, I smile a little and say:

Me: “D***, I’ve been wanting to do that for a while.”

I thought either my coworker or the guest would say something to management, but nothing ever came from it. 

And now I am much happier at my new job.