My son just graduated college and is living and working at home. I’m working from home when my son comes into my office.

Son: “Hi, Dad! I have a question for you.”

Me: “Okay, what can I do for you?”

Son: “[Girlfriend] and I are going mini-golfing tonight. We have two options: there’s an online deal for two players for the price of one, which is $12. Or we can just go and pay the regular price, which is $7 each. What’s the better deal?”

Me: “Okay, let’s do some math here. What’s seven times two?”

Son: “Fourteen.”

Me: “Right. And what’s twelve times one?”

Son: “Twelve.”

Me: “Good. And what’s larger, twelve or fourteen?”

Son: “Fourteen.”

Me: “Okay. So, what’s your goal here, to save some money or to give them more money?”

Son: “Save my money.”

Me: “Okay. So, since we know twelve is smaller than fourteen, what’s the best option to save money?”

Son: “The two-for-one deal.”

Me: “Yes.”

Son: “Well, thanks, Dad. I appreciate your help.”

Me: “Serious question, was this a troll attempt?”

Son: “No.”

He shows me a text thread where he and his girlfriend are struggling to figure out which is cheaper.

Me: “You’re never living this one down.”

Son: “Living what down?”

Me: “That after four years of college, you still have to ask your dad for help with elementary-school-level math.”

Son: “Oh.”

It is early at the grocery store where I work. A lady walks in, in a full rage.

Customer: “Get me the manager!”

Manager: *Coming over* “How can I help, ma’am?”

Customer: “The ATM isn’t giving out quarters anymore!”

Manager: “It’s never given out quarters — or any coins, for that matter.”

Customer: “It’s always given me quarters!”

They walk over to the ATM so she can show him exactly where the quarters are supposed to come from. She just stares at the ATM, blinking for a moment.

Customer: “You all changed it! Biden doesn’t want us to have quarters!”

She storms off while my manager comes up to me with a pained look on his face.

Manager: “And it’s not even 7:00 am.”

I work in a hotel. It’s December twelfth, and I’m enjoying a slow and quiet Sunday night when a guy walks in just a little after 11:30 pm.

Me: “Good evening. Welcome to [Hotel]. How can I help you tonight?”

Guest: “I need to check in.”

Me: “Sure. What’s your last name?”

He tells me and I type it in.

Me: “Are you sure your reservation was for tonight, Mr. [Guest]? I do see a reservation under your name, but it was for last night, the eleventh.”

Guest: “Yes, I’m sure. I called your hotel directly.”

Me: “Hmmm, I don’t think you did, Mr. [Guest]. I see you made the reservation through [Third PartyAgency]. You would have had to do that online or over the phone.”

Guest: “Right. I called them and they transferred me to your hotel.”

I try not to roll my eyes.

Me: “No, that’s not how they operate.”

Guest: “Well, then you guys f***ed up my reservation when you received it.”

I look at the reservation history.

Me: “No, sir, no changes were made to your reservation on our end. Perhaps you gave them the wrong date when making the reservation?”

Yeah, that was the wrong thing to say. I realize that now.

Guest: *Getting quite upset* “No, you people f***ed up my reservation! I know what date I told them. Since I’m here, just f****** fix it so I can get checked in!”

Me: “I’m sorry, Mr. [Guest], but since the reservation was for last night and you didn’t show up, it went into our no-show account when the night audit was run at 3:00 am.”

Guest: “Of course, I didn’t show up; the reservation was for tonight!”

Me: “Well, Mr. [Guest], we had no way of knowing that, so if you want to stay here tonight, I’d be happy to check you in with a new reservation.”

Guest: “Just use the old one.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t do that.”

Guest: “Why the f*** not? It’s f****** paid for.”

Me: “Yes, sir, it is prepaid. But since it was prepaid through [Third Party], I’m not allowed to make any changes to those types of reservations. Besides, a no-show fee was applied to the deposit, so there’s a zero balance on the reservation — another reason I wouldn’t be able to use it.”

Guest: “This is f****** ridiculous.”

Not really knowing what else to say, I just stand there looking at him.

Guest: “So, you’re not going to help me?”

Me: “As I said, I can check you in under a new reservation at $143.00 plus tax, but beyond that, there’s really nothing else I can do.”

Guest: “God d*** it! Let me go see what my wife wants to do.”

He went out to his car, which was parked right by our front door. I watched on our monitors as he got in the car and sat there for about five minutes before pulling out of our parking lot. From the direction he turned, he may have been heading to the hotels behind us. Maybe the wife thought the rate I quoted was too much.

Thankfully, my Sunday night returned to being quiet, slow, and uneventful after that.

On certain days, we have a discount of 15% off customers’ total price if they are senior citizens. The policy is to wait for them to ask for it so as to not “offend” them by assuming their age.

A woman comes up, and I could read you a laundry list of complaints I have about her attitude, telling me this price is wrong, and do this, and do that. I grin and bear them, and I finally get to the total.

Customer: “What about my senior discount?!”

Me: “Of course, ma’am. Your new total is [total].”

Customer: “You did that wrong! I shouldn’t have to bring it up first! Because I had to be the one to say it, you should give me two senior discounts!”

Me: “The system won’t allow two of the same discount.”

Customer: “Get me your manager!”

I get my manager and she continues her tirade. When her original complaint isn’t getting any traction:

Customer: “…and I dropped a penny on the ground and she didn’t come around to pick it up for me!”

My manager gave her the discount. I swear, my job makes me hate humanity so much.

Related:
Having A Senior Moment, Part 5
Having A Senior Moment, Part 4
Having A Senior Moment, Part 3
Having A Senior Moment, Part 2
Having A Senior Moment

I work for a pizza place. I’m a driver mostly, and I’m also a shift leader when needed. I’ve been doing this for seven years.

This morning, I have a customer call in a plan-ahead order a couple of hours in advance for a party at a local park. No problem; the order is only five pizzas, and it is close by.

My driver takes the order, and I get a phone call from the customer. I look up at our tracking screen and see that the driver just left the park. I’m expecting a complaint.

Customer: “I feel bad because your driver never gave us a receipt; she just dropped the pizzas on a table and left without saying more than ‘hello’. I tried waving her down, but she didn’t notice. I wanted to leave a tip!”

Me: “You can still tell me what you’d like to add, and I can have it adjusted.”

She is so nice and sweet and feels so bad.

Customer: “Please add $16.”

Fast forward to my driver returning. The front door opens, and the first thing I hear is my driver yelling and complaining.

Driver: “I got stiffed on that order!”

This driver has been a huge pain for the last few weeks, and she’s already on my last nerve.

Me: “Shut up.”

I point to the adjustment for the tip.

Me: “Why didn’t you give the customer their receipt? It’s no wonder you didn’t get a tip there.”

Driver: “There’s [health crisis], so there’s no point.”

Me: “The order wasn’t even ‘no contact’.” Even then, you still have to give the customer their copy of the receipt.”

My driver gave horrible service to someone who was the nicest person I’ve had as a customer in a long time. That was the most undeserved tip I’ve ever seen. I honestly debated removing the tip, but there was a risk of the customer seeing it, so I left it.