This client kept trying to negotiate a “deal” on how much he would pay me.

Client: “$300… plus the $250 deposit… equals $550. Pretty good deal, I’d say.”

Me: “That’s not how the invoice breaks down. I’ll send it to you again when I get back into the office.”

Client: “I know what the invoice says. I’m just reminding you of the total I’m willing to pay you.”

Me: “Attached is an image of the invoice for the amount we agreed on. I value my work and the time I spent providing you with these services. Honestly, I hope for your sake that nobody ever makes you fight this hard to be paid for your own work.”

Client: “Oh, I get paid very well.”

Me: “Must be nice.”

I work as a fashion photographer. I was contacted by a small local store selling men’s fashion about shooting their new campaign and photos for their online catalog. The client was polite and friendly, but he had absolutely no idea how ridiculous his expectations were.

Client: “We need a few outdoor shots for the campaign — simple elegant shots with three models on a nice outdoor location.”

Me: “Got it. I can schedule that as soon as we’re done here.”

Client: “Now, regarding the online catalog, we will need all items photographed from every angle so you can create a 3D animation for us in Photoshop. We want this shot in front of a green screen so you can then add different special effects, like in the movies. We’re talking about a few hundred items from all angles in the studio and a few dozen images for the campaign. We booked the studio for two and a half hours. That should be more than enough.”

Me: *Completely overwhelmed* “Wha… what? I’m sorry, that’s—”

Client: “We can pay $100 for all the photos, and I guess you can throw in the editing, the 3D animation, and the special effects for free?”

Me: “…”

Client: “Oh, and we don’t want any logos or brand names to be visible on any of the items. We import cheap stuff from abroad, so we don’t want our competition to see which brands we’re selling and copy our ideas. We need you to delete all brand names and logos in Photoshop.”

Before I even had a chance to politely decline the job offer, they asked me for the number of another photographer because I was too expensive and they wanted to get it done for less than a hundred bucks.

We are a store connected to a warehouse that sells a lot (and I mean a LOT) of mechanical items. Therefore, our prices are calculated strangely and aren’t the clean $X.99 you’ll find in most stores. A customer comes up to me holding an item and asks for a price check. The machine scans the item, and it comes to $6.66.

Customer: “Oh, no, no, no! No, nope! That’s not happening! It’s a sign. I can’t buy it.”

Me: “That’s the price without the state and sales tax, sir. With it, the total is $7.13.”

Customer: “Oh… good! Yes, I’ll take it, then. Just make sure you apply that… that Jesus tax.”

I answered an ad looking for event photographers advertising $200 per gig. That’s pretty low for me, but I could use the extra cash here and there, so I emailed them my portfolio.

Client: “We took a look at your work and really liked what we saw here is what we are looking for…” [Sic]

The lack of sentence and paragraph structure in the email was a red flag, but I decided to entertain it anyway.

Me: “Okay, that’s great. So, what is the next step in getting started with you?”

Client: “We have many connections to promoters throughout the city. I will send you to their events to shoot. The only problem is that they don’t pay the photographers, but together, we can change that!”

Me: “So, are you telling me that there is no payment for these events? You advertised $200 per gig. Why would you not just say this was an internship if there wasn’t going to be any payment? I don’t understand. Is this a paying position or isn’t it?”

There was no response to this email initially, so I followed up with them again, a bit annoyed this time.

Client: “Some events will; some won’t. Most of them won’t, but we’re working on changing that.”

Me: “Thank you for wasting my time.”

I got no time for your revolution, man.

A lady comes into the store with her husband, carrying a rug.

Customer: “I want to return this rug.”

We go through the return process.

Me: “I will be returning $99 back to the card you purchased the rug with. Can you please swipe your card?”

Customer: “Uh… I don’t think so. You have it on sale for $129! I want $129! And I want it in cash!”

Me: “You purchased the rug on sale, ma’am, so we can only return it for the same price you purchased it at.”

Customer: “No! You will honor your current price! Get me your manager!”

I got my manager and handed the customer over to her. I felt really bad for her forty-five minutes later when I was finishing my shift, and I saw that the customer was still yelling at her as I left.