I work for a newspaper that has a copy center and gift shop attached. We are not yet ready to open the copy shop door, so people usually only use the main one.

The air conditioning recently broke and flooded our floors so, this week, the new floors are being laid, the baseboards are being painted and put in, etc. Naturally, we have a sign up in front of the main door that says, “Use Copy Door To Left,” complete with a bright red arrow.

Reactions to this sign mostly involve people completely ignoring it, but these are the most memorable reactions.

Old Man: “I saw the sign. I just didn’t know what it meant.”

Later, while one of the workers is on a ladder painting door trim, the door swings open and smacks him.

Old Woman: “Why are you in front of the door? It’s a work day!”

Sigh. I’ll be so glad when the remodel is done.

I’m at my ten-year high school reunion.

Acquaintance: “I haven’t seen you since school! So, what are you doing these days? Computer programmer? Computer engineer? Computer technical support?”

Me: “You just assume the geeky guy went into computers, huh? Well, I’ll have you know I’m a teacher.”

Acquaintance: “Oh? What subject?”

Me: “Computer skills.”

I used to work as a team lead for [Major Retail Chain]. This is the story of how I lost my job.

One day, we’re getting the regular shipments in. Today, we have several shipments coming in at once. All of the trucks are on time except for one. I wait on the loading dock, pacing back and forth, waiting for the last truck. 

There’s still a lot to do, so I also lead the unloading of the other trucks.

Eventually, around 12:00 — four hours after their intended arrival time — we’re out of trucks to unload, and I head out to the parking lot to take a look around.

I find the missing truck sitting in our parking lot. The driver is slumped over his dashboard. His windows are open, and I can hear him snoring.

I knock on the door and wake him up. Groggily, he drives his truck into the bay, and we unload it. Then, he leaves. I expect this to be the last I hear of it.

Around 3:00, the driver of the truck shows up again. He’s roaring angry and insists that I sign some paperwork for him. The paperwork claims that he was in on time. I refuse to sign it because it’s incorrect.

I start getting ready to go home; I’m scheduled from 8:00 to 4:00 today. My manager intervenes and insists that I sign the driver’s papers before I can go home.

Me: “The time of arrival listed on the papers is wrong, the man did not show up on time, and I had to wake him before he was able to unload.”

My manager didn’t care.

Under my manager’s supervision, I signed the papers. I attempted to change the time listed, but my manager yelled at me again — she was watching over my shoulder — and insisted I sign them as they were.

About a week later, the driver sued [Major Retail Chain] for “making him late” for his later deliveries that day. Because of the paperwork that I was forced to sign, he won in court, despite my testimony that my manager forced me to sign incorrect paperwork. (My manager testified that I signed it on my own, that backstabber.)

I was fired as a result of these events. Fortunately, [Major Retail Chain #2] was hiring.

The lesson I learned from these events has stuck with me forever. Record everything. Leave a paper trail of everything. Cover. Your. Butt.

Though it took me some time to work my way back up my ranks, I am now managing the store that hired me. My old manager, last I heard, had also gotten promoted to manage the entire district at the old place I worked. And she’s still up to the same old backstabbing, last I heard.

In my last year of high school, I worked at a popular drive-in restaurant. I had my fair share of crazy coworkers, including a manager who cheated on his girlfriend with another coworker (who was seventeen) and a guy who insisted on making as many offensive “jokes” as possible and calling people snowflakes if they called him out on it.

But the craziest one I ever had was hired about a month and a half before I left for college. She didn’t seem all that bad at first. She didn’t pick things up quickly, and she spent ages in the bathroom, but not everyone in a fast food restaurant is there to work with efficiency, right?

It got worse.

During one shift I worked with her, she ordered something on the app for her break, which was something lots of us did. Immediately after her break, she grabbed her bag and left. That wasn’t uncommon; sometimes it would be slow and the manager on duty would send us home, so I assumed that was what was going on… until the manager asked me if I knew where [Coworker] was. It turned out that she had ordered something with onions in it and had an allergic reaction, and rather than telling anyone, she just left. She got written up and her shifts were reduced.

She never got better at her job. It wasn’t difficult; we just made drinks and ice cream and took food to the customers. It got to the point where she was getting called off her shifts even if we needed her because she just made it harder to keep up.

On my second to last shift, [Coworker] showed up in uniform right as my manager was having me count down. She was not on the schedule, so everyone was confused. She kept insisting she should get to work since she had been sent home the day before.

Eventually, she ended up ordering like three full meals for her family. There was a write-up in the back with her name on it, so my manager made her come back to sign it while she was waiting, and she threw a fit.

Coworker: *Yelling* “This isn’t fair! I never get to work any shifts! I might as well quit!”

I finished counting my money and handed it off to my manager. She counted and put the cash in the safe and the coins in the cup on the counter and closed my till so I could leave. I thought that was the end.

My manager texted me on Snapchat two days later and told me everything.

[Coworker] was caught stealing all of the change from the cup on the counter while the manager was closing my till. Apparently, some deposits had been coming up $7 to $16 short for the last several weeks, and no one could figure out why.

[Coworker] was fired, and none of us understood why she would steal from the company right in front of a manager.

When I was in college, I received several gift cards to a popular coffee shop chain for my birthday and Christmas. I was like many college kids and didn’t have a lot of actual money, so I could only afford my coffees because I had the gift cards.

In December, I decided to go get a peppermint mocha. It was quite cold outside and snowing. When I got to the shop, I saw a homeless man holding a sign that said, “Cold, Hungry, Anything Helps, God Bless.” I didn’t have any cash, but I had enough on the gift cards to spend, and I felt festive and in the spirit of giving.

Me: “Would you like me to buy you something warm, sir? A coffee or hot chocolate?”

Man: “I just want cash.”

Me: “I don’t have any cash, just gift cards, but I could buy you a sandwich and drink if you like. It’s awfully cold. Would you like something off their menu?”

Man: “I don’t want any food or drinks. I just want cash! What part of that didn’t you understand?”

Me: “Well, your sign says you are cold and hungry, so I thought you might want warm food. I don’t have any cash as I’m just a college student.”

Man: “Just give me some d*** cash already! If you can afford the coffee here, you have to have some.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I guess I’m not able to help you.”

Man: “Rich b****. Can afford coffee but not help out the needy. Typical.”

I offered. I would have been glad to get him a drink and a sandwich or muffin, but I clearly couldn’t buy him whatever it was he wanted the cash for.